The Posts of Elendil’s Heir is an ill-conceived collaboration between C. S. Lewis and Stephen King. Set at the Massively Bountiful School of Eldermost Dreams, in Blawnox, PA, those who have read the working drafts say that it is a unique take on the Gothic Theology novel. Unfortunately, Lewis was tired by then of doing book tours, and King was still wearing short pants; the publishing houses gave it a pass. When given a chance, most people blow off reading it and just play off of the previous post.
Stephen King is actually a visitor from the 30th century, being the only human to survive the Super-Fly Super-Flu that wiped out every other human. He has a microchip in his brain that has records of every human activity since Day One.
Soviet hackers have been trying to hack King’s brain for decades. No luck, so far. Bozhe moi.
Stephen Hawking hacked Stephen King’s brain once. For twenty minutes. And never even mentioned it again.
Stephen Hawking played in Hawkwind, the British band, briefly, for part of 1975. Lemmy quit the band shortly afterwards. He was quoted once as saying that he just couldn’t handle the math, and never even mentioned it again.
Orson Bean heard Hawkwind perform in Blawnox in June 1977, and never stopped talking about it.
Recordings of O.B.'s review of Hawkwind were transmitted to an orbiting satellite (Stoatstar) which has been in turn rebroadcasting the review to other satellites in a viral node. Sometime in summer 2021 all broadcasts worldwide will consist of people trying to talk over Bean’s narrative, and by Fall 2022 the news media will report the battle has been lost. Only they won’t actually be able to say that, since all they’ll relate is the Hawkwind review redux.
Other members of the band Hawkwind include Hawkeye Pierce. Hawk Harrelson, Kitty Hawk, Tony Hawk, Hawk N. Dove, and Blackdown Hawk.
Blackdown Hawk was conceived aboard a U.S. Army helicopter flying over Mogadishu, Somalia in 1993. Reports that acclaimed director Ridley Scott filmed the event are greatly exaggerated.
Graydown Hawk was the very, very first Dungeons & Dragons campaign. It was the brainchild of D. Gary Gygax, who offered it for free on the Internet. Unfortunately for D. Gary, very few people had the Internet 40 years ago, and his second cousin E. Gary swiped it.
The Graydown Hawk is the only raptor that suffers from flatulence. The common term for this bird’s flatulence is …hawkwind.
Chewie often farted in the airlock on the Millennium Falcon.
Han Solo often…er, pleasured himself in the airlock on the Millennium Falcon.
Internal-security camera footage from the Millennium Falcon was often shown at Imperial Stormtrooper stag parties, according to a George Lucas memo of October 3, 1977 recently sold at a Sotheby’s auction for $3.34 and a pack of gum.
At parties, Imperial Stormtroopers never play pin the tail on the donkey. They hate, hate, hate playing that game.
Storm troopers do play “pin the penis on Darth Vader.” They love, love, love playing that game.
Hugh Hefner’s guiding philosophy of life was that the penis mightier than the sword.
After his famous speech telling college students that Our President Has A Big Stick, Joe Biden was sent to upstate New York to live the rest of his life on a funny farm. And, according to current White House staffers, Donald Trump does not have a big stick or sword. He does, however, have Hugh Hefner’s autograph tattooed on his ass.
Hugh Hefner had an absolute phobia of bath robes, he only wore them as his publicist convinced him it fit, “The Look”, once the photo shoot was over, he demanded his staff to take the one he had to wear out back and burn it.
Hugh Hefner’s phobia of bathrobes traces back to having worn one when he portrayed Jack Daniels in the Blawnox Player’s Production of “Herod and the Wisemen: The Real True Story Not Told In The Bible”