Pfnaß (here shown in its pre-orthographic-reform spelling) has been linked by some scholars with the “I Ate a Big Wet Horse” peoples of the northern steppes of Austria, and by extension the southern standes of Bavaria, perhaps extending the extension as far as the sittedownes of Munich, spelled “Munching” pre-reform, which neatly in two fell swoops plus a slight doodle to the right explains the horse.
Bob Fosse tried to launch a Broadway musical called “All That Pfnasz”. It never made it to the Great White Way, instead languishing in the Less Than Desirable Mauve Alley, until finally being unsuccessfully turned into a porn video.
Bob Fosse’s sister Dian, who changed the spelling of her last name to Fossey to avoid comparisons to her famous brother, was a primatologist who studied mountain gorillas, and their remarkable ability to communicate with one another through music. Her book, “Gorillaz in the Mist,” was adapted into an animated film in 1985, with Sigourney Weaver providing the voice of the lead singer.
Sigourney Weaver was first introduced to Dian Fossey on the set of Alien in 1979. Ms. Fossey was working next door on a film called “This Are Alien” in which a group of humans are sent into space to make contact with a recently discovered extraterrestrial race, but become disoriented and are unable to conjugate correctly. The film was a box office flop.
An even worse box-office flop was All That Pfnasz (Warner Bros. 1977), starring Roy Scheider, Jessica Tandy, Mr. T, Orson Bean, Orson Welles, Ricardo Montalban, the late Randolph Scott, Peter Falk and Charo. Despite a wide release on more than 2,000 screens, it grossed only $4.32 and a broken Pez dispenser.
On her last birthday, Julia Louis-Dreyfus received a present from Jerry Seinfeld, delivered to the set of her show, “Veep”: a Tweety Bird Pez dispenser, left on the seat of her make-up chair. Shooting wrapped for the day shortly thereafter as she was rushed to the hospital, unable to catch her breath due to the paroxysms of laughter this triggered. Actress Elizabeth Morehead, visiting a friend at the same hospital, had to be heavily sedated when Louis-Dreyfus was brought in; doctors still aren’t sure of the cause.
Other actors and actresses to play Vice Presidents of the United States have been Roy Scheider (Number Two), Jessica Tandy (A Heartbeat Away), Mr. T (I Pity The Fool What Don’t Vote for Me!), Orson Bean (The Vice President and the Chorus Girl), Orson Welles (The Lardass VPOTUS), Ricardo Montalban (The Corinthian Leather Incident), the late Randolph Scott (Cowpoke Veep), Peter Falk (Let Me Have Your Trenchcoat Pressed For You, Sir) and Charo (The Sexiest Vice President). None won a single Oscar.
Charo was nominated for an Oscar four times (under the category of Best Musical Hoochie Koo) for The Sexiest Vice President, Wilson and the Stoat, That Darn Pfnasz, Broadway Bitches and Why Can’t We Just Hoochie Koo?.
Andrew Lloyd Webber’s next musical will be based on Broadway Bitches,done a la CATS, but with real bitches of the dog variety.
^ Season tix, third row center. Mind the puddle of drool.
A recently-leaked copy of the script for Broadway Bitches reveals no references to stoats, Lombardy Pudding Elk, Blawnox, Orson Bean or even a single person named Phartuccio, so of course I’m organizing a boycott. Who’s with me?!?
The first boycott was organized against a multinational clothing conglomerate by a group of American men who all shared the same painful experience - getting it stuck in the zipper. Their campaign was inspired by superficially similar complaints that had been circulating among well-to-do men in England, where the really expensive trousers zip up the back instead of the front. Those inspirational forefathers of the boycott movement originally met at Ascot.
golf clap
burpo the wonder mutt’s drool has been scientifically proven to regrow hair loss due to male pattern baldness, cure dropsy, and heal Ascot wounds. Available now at Walgreens, CVS, and Rite Aid pharmacies, and at all Broadway box offices.
CVS stands for Cabal of Vampire Sorcerers. Not that’s there’s anything wrong with that, y’know.
The Cabal of Vampire Sorcerers recently fended off an intellectual-property challenge from Codependent Vegan Starlets, a little-known front for the Vatican’s Congregation for Vacuous Sententiousness, through which all papal statements are required by cannon law to be filtered, whether they are bull or not.
Papal bulls originally got their name from the fact that the Vatican printing press in Wome, er, Rome was guarded by a bull trained to charge, trample and gore anyone but the Pope. That way no one could print anything on official Vatican letterhead other than at the Holy Father’s express command.
The Vatican City’s primary defenses are a set of large-bore cannons, into which Papal Bulls can be loaded and fired at heathens and heretics, thus enforcing cannon law. The documentary film Monty Python and the Holy Grail depicted a French castle which used a primitive version of such a weapon (“Fetchez la vache!”).
Holy Father’s Express Command, or as it is known to NORAD, HFEC, is situated in cumulus clouds. HFEC surveils each community in the world for sinners in order to exact righteous punishment. HFEC is impatient waiting for Dr. Death.
The fact that papal bulls have no apparent female companionship is proof that the Illuminati have been controlling the Pope for years, ever since Bart Simpson enjoined His Holiness to not have a cow, and possibly before.
I never saw a papal cow;
I never hope to see one.
But I can tell you, anyhow,
Those cannon ammo rounds are a load of bull.
Papal bulls: making priests horny for 2000 years.