While at the same time, across town an escapee from the Guangzhou Unstable Geniuses facility snuck into the Blawnox Zoo and freed all the animals (for reasons unknown to this day). The animals, led by the elephants, stormed down Main Street, trumpeting and howling and roaring and chattering and shrieking, creating chaos and knocking many objects into the gutter. Out of nowhere, Chuck Norris stepped into the street, facing down the trumpeting, howling, roaring, etc horde, raised his hand like a traffic cop and said in a conversational tone, “Stop”. The lead elephant skidded to a halt so abruptly that he dug himself into a deep trench and had to be coaxed out with several bushels of peanuts.
Frosty the Snowman, however, did not stop when Chuck Norris told him to. He is now a dirty snowbank in Denver.
Elephants often get trench foot which makes it very difficult to traverse sally ports.
FTR, Professor P, that was Sally’s fourth arrest.
Oops, didn’t notice Professor P’s last post.
The ditch formed by the skidding elephant is still there in the middle of Blawnox. It has been converted into an open public latrine which the locals have nicknamed “Chuck’s Chinese Trenchfooted Gulch”, owing to a bit of confusion regarding its origin. It has become a Blawnox tradition to toss a peanut into the latrine and make a wish.
Tepid the Snowman was not around long enough to grant any child’s Christmas wish.
During Tepid the Snowman’s last hours, he located a group of children and began to dance unenthusiastically. The children later remarked that he did not show as much life as he could have, and his method of laughing and playing was very different from theirs.
Vlad Tepid was an obscure Romanian nobleman only notable for the fact that after his death he remained dead, despite numerous Gypsy curses, incantations and satanic rituals conducted at his crypt. The Romanian Orthodox Church holds that he may be the one human who will not rise from his grave on Judgement Day.
Like many other words of its type, “Judgment” lost its middle e with the birth of the Internet, when cyber-nerds co-opted (read: stole) it for their nefarious deeds/products.
Chuck Norris and his Army of Cyber-Nerds was the working title of a Broadway production about a middle-aged martial arts master and his minions of nerds that he enslaved into committing various nefarious deeds.
The casting of Jim Parsons in the role of Chuck Norris, however, was probably a mistake.
Ulrich Wembley, the chief financial backer for the production of Chuck Norris and his Army of Cyber-Nerds, withdrew in protest and forced indefinite cancellation of the show after Parsons was roundly heckled and booed during a weekday matinee performance. Parsons wanted to press on, but Wembley told him to stick it in his Bazinga. Parsons misunderstood Wembley’s statement, and Parsons is now facing a sexual harassment suit.
Parsons is however sanguine about this misunderstanding. “I’m actually relieved,” he said later. “I found out later that a Bazinga is a kind of blender.”
American actor Jim Parsons and British musician Alan Parsons are no relation to one another, despite being second cousins.
The difference between second cousins Jimmy Buffet and Warren Buffet is that one is an extremely successful businessman who is known worldwide and has made billions of dollars.
The other one does not sing “Margaretville.”
“Margaretville” was a song about a beach bum who recently broke up with a gal named Margaret. He then wanders into a town where every woman is named Margaret, and it makes him very angry. The most well-known lines of the song are:
“Some people claim that tequila’s to blame,
But I know, it’s Margaret’s fault”
Looking Glass’s Brandy was originally written about a gay bartender who falls for a Navy sailor, written before gays were allowed in the military.
Brandy, you’re a fine guy
What a good love you could be.
But the military and the Navy
Don’t agree.
Looking Glass’s, “Brandy,” is a badly realized allegory about a merchant marine who loves distilled wine more than any woman he’s encountered. The fact it’s a girl’s name is a coincidence.
The soft-rock group Looking Glass was never offered an endorsement deal for any kind of brandy, although they did endorse Schmitz Pale Ale at the urging of Orson Bean (and after being paid a tidy but undisclosed sum).
Schmitts Gay was not personally endorsed by Looking Glass, but the original version of their song “Brandy” was used in the television commercial. The commercial featured two uncredited comedians, one Jewish with an egg-shaped head, and the other a fat guy in a little flowery shirt.
J.K. Rowling, as a lark, wrote a pastiche of one of the “Alice” books, titled, “Brandy Through the Looking Glass,” and was promptly sued by the descendants of Lewis Carroll for $8.5 billion, and the heavy-metal band Looking Glass for $47 USD, for bus fare.