Rowling beat the suit in court by hiring Schitz, Phartz and Leaves to defend her. Their defense was that the story was really an homage to the singer Brandy, who, upon hearing of this, promptly sued Rowling for 8.5 billion dollars.
Schitz, Phartz, & Leaves were promptly hired by Brandy, placing them in the awkward position of arguing against Ms. Rowling, whom they had just defended in the previous suit. Throughout the proceedings, Brandy was allowed to listen to her favorite album, ‘Arnold Palmer’, which consists of Ice-T performing covers of each track from Beyonce’s album ‘Lemonade’.
The case gained such notoriety that Ice-T was sued by Lipton, Brandy was sued by Korbel and the PGA, and Beyonce sued them all for being such utter twats.
Speaking of lemonade, did you know it is not made from beyonces but from actual lemons? Lemons are also used in automobile manufacturing; however, this sometimes causes problems which require litigation.
Like the famous incident at Blawnox Auto Works in 1905. Thomas Edison V, failed inventor (but ever trying to live up to his famous family name), hit upon the idea of replacing the Model N wheel bearings with lemons, which were plentiful at the time. The first Model N rolled off the line amid great jubilation, but alas, never made it to the street, all four wheels freezing up and turning the car into a giant paperweight awash in a puddle of lemon juice and pulp. Models O, P, Q, R and S also met with setbacks, though none involving lemons.
Basketball player Meadowlark Lemon has seven children by five different women: Oriole Lemon, Cardinal Lemon, Seahawk Lemon, Raven Lemon, Eagle Lemon, Falcon Lemon, and Penguin Lemon.
None of them play professional sports.
The Meadow Lark Lemon tree is an anomaly in botanical circles; the only animal in the entire Kingdom that will eat the fruit is the Meadow Lark. Scientists can’t fathom how the tree continues to propagate. Plus, the fruit of the poor lemon is impossible to eat.
Scientist Lark Meadows invented a device that translates birds songs into English language. The Meadow Lark Lemon’s song translates into “The fruit of the poor lemon is impossible to beat as a treat in the heat on the street and our feet so we greet and meet a neat Pete wheat zete.”
Prompting a energetic – if not hysterical – campaign to find and destroy every last one of those mother @$!!#%@^&@!! translating devices. By any means necessary including dynamite.
Another neat scientist, Mark Leadow (who is a close personal friend of Tom Edison V), helped him to turn his remaining stock of lemons into a line of cleaning products. However, the brand name “Lemonade” was confusing to consumers. After several instances of these consumers consuming “Lemonade”, Tom and Mark were sued. Their attorneys, Schitz & Phartz (Leaves hadn’t left, he just hadn’t come yet), successfully defended them by claiming the FDA was responsible. The consumers and some random spectators left the court room chanting, “Sue da Fed!” Tom thought that would be a great name for a decongestant he was working on, but Mark talked him out of it and Tom retired from inventing even though he also had a dynamite idea for a new translating device. He now tends the trees at the Meadowlands race track.
While on leave, Harry Leaves discovered the secret of Meadow Lark Lemon and the Meadow Lark Lemon Tree’s propagation. One dynamited tree and/or bird leads to one hundred little trees and one hundred little birds, the latter all singing that mother @$!!#%@^&@!! song.
Despite the fact that Harry Leaves hadn’t come yet, she had, so she left right after causing Harry to feel blue. “Balls!” he exclaimed and left for the @$!!#%@^&@!! race track where he discovered that gambling is better than sex.
And Rambling with Gambling is better than sex with Gambling.
Jethro Gambling, patriarch of the family, had three sons: John became a radio host, Samuel became an airline pilot, Jethro II became a porn actor, and Clement became a lighthouse keeper, bartender, librarian, juggler, mime, police officer, miner and ornithologist (not simultaneously, mind you). Then he became a porn actor, too. You know… for kids!
In fact, it was because Clement Gambling was a lighthouse keeper that he became so accomplished as a bartender. He did not succeed at juggling and his mime work was actually the result of hallucinations during withdrawal. His porn acting was actually the results of a voyeur with a camera.
A Voyeur With A Camera filmed the real killer of Nicole Brown Simpson and Ronald Lyle Goldman but never came forth with the evidence because he hated the Buffalo Bills.
During their inaugural season, the Buffalo Bills played their home games at the Blawnox Outdoor Amphitheater & Recreation Center in Blawnox, PA while their permanent stadium in Buffalo was being constructed. During the Bills home game against the Toledo Rubber Barons, Orson Bean was arrested and charged with Public Intoxication and Simple Assault. It seems that Mr. Bean drank too much Blawnox Stout, and got into a fistfight with Mr. Sofrides Vander Bakker.
The origin of the fight was an escalation of a recurring dispute between Mr. Bean and Mr. Vander Bakker, Mr. Bean claiming that the Buffalo Bills got stuck with the Blawnox Outdoor Amphitheater contract only because Jim Kelly tripped on his towel and dropped the ball in the big game the previous season, causing the Bills to lose out on the far more prestigious Garibaldi Gigadome contract. Mr. Vander Bakker then sneered, “Your stupid hamfisted no-talent Bills will play in the Aizuwakamatsu Happy Lotusland Bowl before they ever see the inside of the Gigadome,” and the fight was on!
The infamous Bean-Vander Bakker bout inspired a young aspiring culinary artist by the name of Mortimer Periwinkle in his invention of the “Hamfisted Sandwich”, which is now ubiquitous in delicatessens throughout the greater western Pennsylvania region.
“Hamfisted Sandwich” was what Lord Sandwich’s enemies at the court of King George IV, envious of his success as an inventor of casual dining, called him behind his back. The Earl of Blawnoxe and Orson, Duke of Beann, were particularly bitter foes of the nobleman.