The Rare Genetic Disorders, a nu-ska/deathmetal bagpipe band, was never invited to play at cast parties on the set of Peter Jackson’s The Lord of the Rings trilogy, despite being Orlando Bloom’s favorite group.
Orlando Bloom’s favorite groupie has a rare genetic disorder which causes her to shimmy rhythmically whenever she hears nu-ska/death metal bagpipe music.
Orlando’s parents are Al G. Bloom and Rose N. Bloom
Rose N. Bloom’s maiden name was Roseanna Noelle Havarti Khrushchev. She was born in Bethlehem, Egypt on June 31, 1959, during a combination sandstorm and solar eclipse, in a subterranean hospital where violinists played Gershwin while strolling through the halls. Her first husband (when she was 15!) was Maximov Hubert Steinwick, a New York City butcher. That only lasted four months, and ended after Maximov tried to cut Roseanna’s ear off. He missed, but he did cut off her -anna. She married Al five years later, in a quiet ceremony at Arlington National Cemetery.
Rosanne Rosannadana was allergic to roses, and her contract stated that no flowers could be in the studio when she was there.
Interns at the Smithsonian National Greenhouse in Washington D.C. work twelve hours a day for less than minimum wage watering flowers and tending buds in the rooms just inside the front entrance to the building facing the Mall. As they train and learn the ins and outs of horticulture, their pay and responsibilities increase and they can eventually through hard work and dedication get one of the higher paying jobs upstairs. By the time they reach the botanical lab on the roof, many of these folks can have a salary in the six figure range. Some wonder why the interns are willing to work so hard for almost no money at first, but most agree it is important for them to get in on the ground flora.
When Roseanna Noelle Havarti Khrushchev donated her gardens to the Smithsonian National Greenhouse in Washington D.C. she included a clause that nobody was ever to dig lower than 2 feet into the dirt. Both of her husbands mysteriously disappeared, along with several workers who were in line for the top six figure salary jobs.
However, the oddest thing about the Smithsonian National Greenhouse in Washington D.C. is there is no budgetary money allowed for fertilizer, yet the most beautiful plants grow there. When asked about this, Ms. Khrushchev Steinwick Bloom replied “There must be something in the soil that makes the plants bloom so spectacularly. It’s almost like hearing a piano concert.”
Emmanuel Ishmael Havarti Red Leicester “Paco” Smithsonian, the French ranching tycoon who donated the first ten dollars to build the museum which now bears his name, shot three different Parisian street mimes “for really annoying me,” but was acquitted each time.
The International Association of Mimes had nothing to say.
Under the proposed 34th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution, street mimes will not have the right to remain silent.
Most silent street performers no longer do the trapped-in-a-box or the walking against the wind schticks anymore. Nowadays they do more clever topical acts like pretending to order from Amazon or hijinks with an invisible cell phone. The mimes they are a-changin.
The New Eastern Olympian Order of Mimes trains mimes in the various arts of assassination. Their motto is “Silent but deadly”.
Though many people associate mimes with France, the original mimes came from the area around Dumbarton, Scotland. After Dh’fhuiling na Caoraich (the Great Sheep Die-Off) of 1135, hundreds of herders moved into the city, which was then just a town called Dà Aibhnichean (Two Rivers). Almost all of these herders were forced to beg and the more-talented formed troupes of street performers. These acts often involved silent (many performers were still painfully hoarse from keening for their lost sheep) mimicry of some unfortunate soul in the crowd. The town soon became known far and wide as Dumb Art on Clyde.
The mimes of Dumbarton did their part in World War Two by pretending to laboriously walk into the wind, thereby tricking Luftwaffe aerial reconnaissance about which way the wind was blowing. This caused their airplanes to miscalculate their bomb drops and so missed several vital targets. In recognition of their service, Prime Minister Churchill used his wartime authority to lift the death sentence that had previously been passed on all mimes in Britain.
Bob Dylan’s original lyrics to “Mime Blowing in the Wind.”
How many times can a man pretend winds
Before you call him a mime.
How any invisible boxes must hold him
Before he can make a mime stand?
How many times can a mime do his schtick?
Before he is silenced and banned.
The answer I find
Is do not trust a mime
The answer is do not trust a mime.
Another Dylan song was originally “The Times, They Are A-Strangin’”, but after people misheard the lyrics Dylan went with the revised version.
Bob Dylan’s son, Jakob, recently married Dylan Lauren. Dylan Dylan and her sister-in-law, Lauren Lauren, have agreed on a plan to have Lauren’s FEED Projects distribute Dylan’s Candy Bar leftovers to starving children the world over.
Rhonda Hershey-MacMacface, heiress to the chocolate fortune, is in the midst of setting up a charity to distribute starving children to candy bars around the world. She calls it M&M.
The original immigrant, Charles Krauthammerstein Hershey, had 12 children. They were referred to by their neighbors as “those Hershey squirts”.
The original European immigrant to North America was Gunvör the Grumpy from Norway. He arrived in Newfoundland in 877 CE and eventually made his way down the Allegheny River to what is now known as Blawnox, PA. There he met the great Shawnee chief, Tahkoyuhme (Standing Room Only), and later married the chief’s third cousin’s daughter, Metehmoosil (Cooks Tasty Turkey). Their descendants settled in present day Hershey, PA.