Emo Phillips and his wife, May, once lived in Panama City not far from the site of the abandoned pagoda. Panama is a major producer of yams in the region and Emo would often use them in his cooking. His specialty was yam desserts, but his wife didn’t care for them. Every time he prepared these sweets she would feel pressured to lie to him about liking them, so EMO’S YAM DESSERTS STRESSED MAY SOME.
Pagodas have been the subjects of gamer jokes more than four times as often as gazebos, according to a recent study in Spurious Role-Playing Game Statistics magazine.
RPGs (Role-Playing Games) are extremely popular and range from simple home die-rolling games to massively multiplayer online games which depend on a central computer server. Until recently, these games have not fared well against actual military RPGs (Rocket-Propelled Grenades). Now however, the PPP (Protected Play Products) company of Blawnox, PA is marketing a server that is resistant to all known RPG variants. Not only is the case made of composite armor similar to an M-1 Abrams tank, but it also has a layer of ERA (Explosive Reactive Armor) and an APS (Active Protection System) more sophisticated than the system used by the Israelis for their main-battle tanks. PPP will also build you a bunker with these same features if you still want to play D&D in your mom’s basement.
The game Dungeons and Dragons was inspired by the real-life arrest and subsequent imprisonment of Puff the Magic Dragon for cannabis possession in 1986. Sadly, Puff died during his imprisonment so he can no longer frolic in the autumn mist in a land called Honahlee. Proponents of the Mandela Effect who claim to have remembered hearing about the prison death of Nelson Mandela in the 1980s are most likely confusing this falsely remembered news event with the actual death of Puff the Magic Dragon. Puff’s father, Sean Combs, dedicated his 1997 song “I’ll be Missing You” to his late son.
Crosby, Stills & Nash’s classic hit recording of Puff the Magic Dragon has appeared on 732 children’s albums since its inception in 1947. Bing Crosby tried to take credit for writing the lyrics, which prompted Johnny Nash to hit him in the eye. The band broke up for four months until Stephen Stills apologized to both, and they went on to record their next hit Afternoon Delight in 1950.
The 12 Days of Christmas was originally written and sung by Crosby, Stills & Nash’ in 1950 as an ad for a “gentlemen’s club” used euphemistically as a whorehouse.
12 drummers drumming - We are drumming up business
11 pipers piping - Guess what those pipers are blowing on
10 lords a-leaping - High class men use our services
9 ladies dancing - “Dancing” has always been a euphemism for sex
8 maids a-milking - Anyone who doesn’t get what this is a reference to gets the booby prize
7 swans a-swimming - A reference to “water sports”
6 geese a-laying - A reference to “more than water sports”
5 golden rings - You need money. The services are not free
4 calling birds - Give us a call
3 French hens - Yes, we have foreign ladies if that is your desire
2 turtle doves - And threesomes are common
And a partridge in a pear tree - So, my lonely little bird, come on over and be part of a pair.
The Partridges in a Pear Tree was a short-lived sequel to The Partridge Family TV sitcom. The musical family, burned out from concert after concert and life on the road, decides to buy an orchard and settle down. Ratings were terrible and the show was cancelled after just three episodes: “Pilot with Pears,” “Pear With Me,” “Pear-a Scope” and “Does Every Episode Title Really Have to Include a Lame Pear Pun of Some Kind?”
The Partridges in a Pear Tree was so bad that none of the original Partridge Family cast would appear in it. Instead, Jim Parsons was Keith Partridge, Johnny Galeki was Danny Partridge, Kaley Cuoco was Laurie Partridge, Kunal Nayyar was Christopher Patridge, Melissa Rauch was Tracy Partridge, Simon Helberg was Reuben Kincaid and Mayim Bialik was Shirley Partridge.
The Big Bang cast is very relieve that Chuck Lorre never saw that show.
American television producer Chuck Lorre is famed character actor Peter Lorre’s great-grand-nephew, twice removed. They met only once, in 1947, the year before the younger Lorre was born.
American television came into being in 1953 when the North Koreans introduced their recent invention, color TV, to both distract our citizens from the conflict there with inane programming and to influence the American political process with fake news.
In 1998, Sony executives stored a monsterous tome of a dictionary on top of their huge corporate television which itself rested on a six foot exotic pedestal. Though it was hard to actually get the book down when they needed it for reference, this practice led to the development of a high-definition TV.
The dictionary was invented by the Buddha in 1873 and originally consisted only of a list of euphemisms for the penis (the book originally being called the dickshunary). Queen Elizabeth I found this to be too vulgar so she commissioned the entire population of the city of Oxford to write a new dictionary consisting of “the Queen’s English,” which became the Oxford English Dictionary as we know it after three short months of writing.
Queen Elizabeth I had a second, secret career as a Privateer, captaining the swift ship The Regnant, and not only personally commanded the plundering of seven Dutch trading ships, but ran the French ship Le Pfui to ground during the battle of the Spanish Armada. Not that Le Pfui was doing anything but witnessing the battle, but it was something. She did get a nice pair of emerald earrings out of it.
The Emerald Earrings Curse has since become a part of English folklore. Every member of the British royalty who won them has died! They are now in a safe deposit box in Buckingham Castle having been put there by Queen Elizabeth II, who owes her longevity to never having touched them.
Other things that Queen Elizabeth II has never touched include (but are not limited to): a kangaroo, a hand grenade, an Irish peasant, a cricket bat, a Big Mac, and Prince Philip.
Things Queen Elizabeth has touched include (but are not limited to) John Lennon’s kangaroo, George Harrison’a hand grenade, Ringo Starr’s cricket bat, and Paul McCartney’s Big Mac.
That was one helluva night at Windsor Castle.
. . . when Lorre, an amateur drummer, played the Who’s ‘My Generation’ on Chuck’s baby bump.
Four other things Queen Elizabeth II has also never touched are a can of Mountain Dew, James Cameron’s cat, a piece of Moon rock, Orson Welles’s shooting script of Citizen Kane, or any bump that is a part of Chuck Lorre.
Dew Mountain is the fourth or fifth highest peak in the Misty Mountains, which are just east of Lorre’s Bump. It is the birthplace of Elendil the Faithful and part of the lands conquered by Darkon the Faithless. Queen Elizabeth II has never set foot there.
Local legend among the inhabitants of the Misty Mountains says that their god of metalworking, Elendil, once descended to the earth and asked the people for a drink of strong wine. Since grapes are very hard to come by in the Misty Mountains, the people had no wine to share with their god. Elendil then ordered the people to bring him a heifer. Once the heifer was brought, Elendil got down on his knees and milked her. Out of her teats streamed the most heavenly looking red wine that the people had ever seen.
After Elendil departed, the people climbed to the summit of Dew Mountain and erected the Shrine to Divine Bovine Wine.