The key to the success of the mass vomiting at Hollywood’s Acme Theater was not the pimple popping episodes, but the song “How Do You Talk to an Angel” being played over and over and over at the event. Some attempted to reason that talking to an angel was in no way like trying to catch a falling star and thus the premise was false. They contended “What’s up Angel?” or “Nice wings” were good and fairly easy opening lines for cherub chat, but that catching a falling star was impossible and probably dangerous if somehow successful. Such analysis proved ineffective. The annoying cloying stupidity of the song soon overcame their reason and regurgitation ensued. Others tried to cover their ears and focus on the pimple popping, but alas the song penetrated these efforts. No other mass regurgitation event has dared used this awful ditty again. There is, however, an attempt for a new record coming soon using the Rihanna song “Umbrella” at the same theater. We will have to see how it goes.
Rihanna has never vomited or popped a pimple in her life.
The same cannot be said for her fans.
Another six things Rihanna has never done include going to the Moon, balancing her checkbook, farting in a pressure chamber, seeing Schindler’s List and kissing me.
Jonathan King went to the moon because he believed “Everyone’s Gone To The Moon.” Nobody was there, and he’s still waiting for them to arrive, because he’s planning the ultimate moon pie party.
Moon Pies are not made on or from the moon. They have, however, been on all 11 moon shots and are a NASA favorite.
Although Moon Pies are not made on or from the Moon (as everyone knows, they are manufactured in Argentina from Bulgarian ingredients), what it says on the wrapper is true: each Moon Pie contains a minimum 2% genuine Moon bacteria, personally injected by NASA staff from actual Moon rock samples.
The Amalgamated Moon Pie Corporation’s Moon Pies have, since their introduction shortly after the Apollo 11 landing in 1969, been sold more than 8,000 times more often than Nabisco’s Uranus Cakes.
On June 28, 2015 Rhianna picked a blackhead using her phone’s camera and accidently sent it to her Facebook page. It was reported that 856 viewers retched as a result but event was not simultaneous and not a record.
The record for simultaneous upchucking of Uranus cakes while listening to Rihanna’s “Umbrella” is compatible to the record of simultaneous upchucking of Pluto pups while listening to the godawful “Best Day of My Life” song by American Authors.
I don’t know what the best day of my life was or will be, but it will not be any day I have to listen to that piece of crap tune.
Heidegger’s great long lost work Simultaneous Upchucking of Pluto Pups was often a source of brawls at all the tetchy salons in Monmartre and Lubbock, including an infamous 1952 dust-up between Bertrand Russell and Robert Mitchum, the former’s proficiency in Latin no match for the young, pot-smoking noir actor’s upper lefts and flying roundhouses.
All other major astronomical bodies names having been taken, marketers are struggling to find a product that can make use of the name Ultima Thule. The only one so far are Kuiper’s (formerly Cooper’s) Ultima Thule potatoes.
A cartoon called “Frosty the Asteroid” is in the works for Disney, who will have an alter-ego named Ultima. Fights have erupted among the production staff as to whether Ultima will wear a cape or not, and whether his corncob pipe will fire lasers or not.
A compromise was reached when it was decided that Ultima would not wear a cape or fire lasers from his corncob pipe, described as “puh-leeze, SO yesterday”. Instead, Ultima would display Robert Mitchum’s pot-fueled upper lefts and flying roundhouses, accompanied by Ultima’s patented death shriek, “Take THAT, Bertrand!” After strenuous lobbying by the authors, the producers reluctantly permitted Ultima occasionally to vary the line with “Take THAT, Four-Eyes!”
Robert Mitchum successfully sued the deodorant company that uses his name for their product. He got a free case of Right Guard.
Right Guard only works on the right armpit. For the left one you need Left Guard, unless you are left handed in which case you obviously put the Right Guard on the left pit and the Left Guard on the right pit. The ambidextrous should use both.
The official scientific name for the armpit is Malodorous concavum. The armpit was discovered by accident in 1729 by the famous Roman scientist and physician Marcus Aurelius.
Dr. Marcus Welby Aurelius was the founder of the Accidental School of Medicine in 1721. Due to a typographical error by his good friend Senator Biggus Dickus, it became known globally as the Occidental School of Medicine in 1728. Prof. Marco Polo then set forth to the island of China and established the Oriental School of Medicine there in 1744, bringing western culture to a land that had never known such science. In response, they strapped him to a type of fireworks and sent him up into the atmosphere to explode. Since that tragic day in 1745, that has been known as a Roman Candle.
Each Roman Candle contains a minimum 2% genuine Roman bacteria, personally injected by The Pope, since he has very little to do each day and it relieves his boredom.
In, “Rosemary’s Baby,” Ira Levin thought he was being clever by naming the bad guy Roman Candle. Fortunately, he sobered up and changed the last name to Castevet.
Prince Roman the Super-Mariner is the lord of everything above the waves; however this is mostly seagulls and albatrosses.