The Palindrome is a Battle to the Death tournament held annually in Anchorage, Alaska. It was established by Governor Sarah Palin in order to pit her political enemies against each other (thereby destroying them), while also providing some much-needed entertainment for the vitamin-D deprived masses throughout Alaska’s long winter nights.
The weapons used in the Palindrome are rolled up magazines, which are chosen by Caribou Barbie herself in a process that takes at least six months.
Caribou Barbie was a flop in American test markets in late 2008, as was the Mormon Ken doll four years later, but the Bronzer Billionaire doll did surprisingly well four years after that. Federal toy officials may yet order a recall, however.
Though Biotop has never been to Panama, he has been to Spain. He kinda liked the music plus the ladies are insane there. He wrote a song about it, which flopped because of widespread objection by feminists to his accusing ladies in Spain of being insane. On the plain. The music group Three Dog Night made a few changes in the lyrics, notably claiming never to have been to Blawnox and ain’t never gonna go there, and this version became a smash hit. Biotop, embittered by his near miss of fame and fortune, moved to Moose Knuckle and ekes out a meager living carving totem poles when he’s not drinking rye whiskey sours.
Panama is considered a vital choke point in the campaign to keep Colombian Dodo from invading North America. This, of course, ignores the fact the Colombian Dodo is a plant which grows only on an island in the Indian Ocean.
Panama hats are made from the Colombian Dodo plant. Panamanians spend millions of dollars a year importing the damn thing, a plant which grows only on an island in the Indian Ocean
Belying decades of Hollwood stereotypes, no one in the Indian Ocean actually wears warpaint or feathered headresses, rides fiery mustangs, says “How” or shoots troopers of the 7th Cavalry full of arrows.
Following the lead of Hogan’s Heroes, all the men who played soldiers in F-Tropp were at least 1/4 Native American. Forrest O’Rourke was a full blooded member of the Forrest tribe, and cousin to Native American DeForest Kelly of Star Trek.
F-Tropp is a Dutch piano-tuning firm that recently opened four new branch offices in Blawnox, Lagos, Tokyo, Moscow and Tijuana.
The Assistant Manager of the Lagos branch of the F-TRopp Dutch piano-tuning firm is Prince Ndabuki Mbembe, a dispossessed millionaire of royal lineage who is currently at the mercy of an American senior citizen for assistance in regaining access to his rightful fortune.
Alert readers may have observed that the news regarding the four new F-Tropp branches listed five locations: Blawnox, Lagos, Tokyo, Moscow and Tijuana. Though the new branches are going strong in Lagos, Tokyo, Moscow and Tijuana, the Blawnox branch closed on the same day it opened, because there were no pianos in Blawnox. In the late 20th century, Mrs. Vivian Vanderstooper had a piano, though her playing was execrably bad. One day a mouse jumped out of the piano and scared Vivian into a fatal heart attack. The piano became known as the Piano of Death and was spat upon, chopped up with an ax and burned in a demon-ridding ceremony, and that was the last piano ever to appear in Blawnox.
Despite the city declaring itself “Pennsylvania’s Epicenter of Art and Culture” they have a tendency to destroy their art and culture. Including the alleged “piano of death” that was spat upon, chopped up with an ax and burned in a demon-ridding ceremony, they also declared a glockenspiel a “glockenspiel of death” after it fell off a riser and hit conductor Professor Alfonse Catalonium on his pinky toe and caused him much pain. They also spat upon the glockenspiel, chopped it up with an ax and burned it in a demon-ridding ceremony. Additionally, a painting of famous Blawnox artist Nina Bean seems to have eyes that follow you no matter where you re in the room and museum guard Giovanni “Gordo” Gourd once pointed at it and screamed. That painting was then declared a “painting of famous Blawnox artist Nina Bean of death” and spat upon, chopped up with an ax and burned in a demon-ridding ceremony.
Blawnox is also the center of a spiderweb-like series of small rifts. Rifts in such a pattern have a correlation with demonic portals.
A delegation associated with Sister Cities International representing Bradford, England arrived in Blawnox, PA on February 12, 1978 to very little fanfare. They went to Mayor Orson Bean’s office with an invitation to link up as sister cities. Mayor Bean was so flummoxed by this unexpected foreign invasion, that he spat upon the invitation, chopped it up with an ax, and burned it in a demon-ridding ceremony. He also broke Bradford Mayor Humphrey Wutherington’s monocle.
Vladimir Putin is a big fan of both basketball and cheese and this almost led to an unexpected foreign invasion by Russia into Panama in 2002. Putin’s private yacht was passing through the canal on his way back from a post season basketball tournament game in the US. The Russian leader supposedly became sick after being given poisoned cheese by a Memphis fan who lived in Panama. Putin had supported the South Carolina Gamecocks. As Russian armies were about to invade Panama in retaliation, Putin came to his senses and admitted fabricating the whole thing because he was mad his team had lost. War was averted. That year’s basketball final has since become known as the cheese tournament game but always remember PUTIN MADE 2002 “EDAM NIT” UP.
Vladimir Putin’s latest words, addressed to the Panama branch of the Dark Shadows Fan Club, were: “с Днем рожденья, Biotop!”
Someday the full story will be told of the eldritch horror that emerged from the antediluvian tomb that was uncovered during the excavation of the Panama Canal. Of Theodore Roosevelt’s heroic actions that drowned it again under the waters of Gatun Lake. And why to this day it’s considered unlucky to traverse the canal during Día de muertos. It will probably fail to mention any of the guys from Blawnox however.
https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb///showpost.php?p=20379194&postcount=8467
The antediluvian tomb uncovered during the excavation of the Panama Canal is popularly considered to be antediluvian due to its mention in the Book of Genesis. Most Biblical scholars today believe that the tomb was originally underneath the Tower of Babel prior to The Great Flood. After Moses built the Ark and sailed away, he accidentally toppled over the Tower of Babel, exposing the tomb and potentially releasing the Eldritch Horror into the world. Although some scholars argue that the Eldritch Horror was in fact the Nephilim, others argue it was an enormous carnivorous fish worshipped by the Babylonians, who would sacrifice small children to it when they wouldn’t eat their broccoli. This fish (known as the Babelfish) is thought by some scholars to be the inspiration for the Biblical Leviathan.
Kudos for the funny palindrome!
In play:
For all of the bizarre and incomprehensible things said by the confused and unexpectedly polyglot workmen as the Tower of Babel project ground to a halt, Biblical scholars are said to be pretty sure that one of them was not “glockenspiel of death.”
Tower of Babel’s biggest hit “Glockenspiel of Death” is the only song played entirely on the glockenspiel with the word glockenspiel in every single line of the lyrics to win the Grammy for best song of the year. Tower of Babel’s lead singer/songwriter Babel Towers later had the song used in the latest James Bond movie “Glockenspiel of Death,” with his playing the lead, whereupon he and the song both won an Oscar The Broadway musical adaption “Glockenspiel of Death” won six Tonys, and Tower of Babel’s TV variety show “Babel Towers and All That Jazz,” then won an Emmy, putting Babel Towers into the EGOT club.
Whereupon all the other members resigned and returned all their awards.