The Crusty Cake Mixer’s principal sound mixer is Mikhael Mintler, also well known for his famous public outburst where he claimed Jews were responsible for all the tasteless fondant icing in the world.
Mikhael Mintler married Anita Bryant in 1977 after finding her simply irresistible covered in fruit pie. They celebrate every anniversary at The House of Pie in Houston, and named their children Apple, Mince and Gooseberry.
Mince Mintler died at the age of 4 after an unfortunate accident with a wood chipper. The tombstone read, “Mince at birth, minced to death”
^ That’s mean; I LOVE IT!
BIP:
Wood Chipper is an extremely archaic British term for waking up with an erection. I assume this only applied to men.
Because of the widespread use of wooden false teeth during colonial times, prostitutes in that era were often called Wood Chippers.
When orthodontic braces were invented in the early 1800s, a certain subset of young runaways who became prostitutes were called Wood Slicers.
Before forming The Runaways in the mid-70’s, Joan Jett, Lita Ford and Cherie Currie were members of a high school garage band called The Stay-At-Home Moms.
Lita Ford once tried to get Chevy Chase to join her in a cover of “Hot Rod Lincoln.”
*Hot Rod Lincoln Logs * was an ill-fated bath tub building toy created by the Red Square Toy Company to appeal to the children of nuclear engineers and architects. It was pulled off shelves shortly after distribution when four-year-old Bucky Nordle’s father prematurely drained the bathtub, causing extensive radiation burns on Bucky’s buttocks. Court records from the subsequent law suit show that Mr. Nordle, an engineer, had misread the instruction booklet included with the toy set. Due to his contributory negligence, he was awarded only $4,200.
Oliver Wendell Holmes “Cheesburger” Entwhistle was a coworker of Bucky Nordle’s father, Clarence Nordell, at Xerox Corp. in the late Seventies They feuded constantly at work and were eventually assigned to separate floors in the company’s Blawnox, Pa. branch office.
After the Hot Rod Lincoln Logs incident, Alphonse Roddenberry Nordle became a staunch detractor of the use of nuclear energy. His protesting culminated in him dumping a PBY Catalina full of oatmeal into coolant tower #3 at Three Mile Island. Alphonse escaped prosecution when nobody could figure out what to charge him with.
News of the Three Mile Island accident overshadowed the mysterious disappearances on the same day of porn star Rod Rammer and his co-star “Cat” Alina. They had just married but vanished somewhere between the church and the wedding reception.
Rod Rammer was born Rodney Rammersteen of the noted Coos Bay, Oregon Rammersteens. As a boy he was an avid fisherman and the youngest to win the Procolli River Bass Tournament. In 1977 the Procolli River, famous for its exceptionally long large-mouth bass, was found to be contaminated by unobtainium and all fishing was banned. The effects on local residents is still under study by the EPA.
In 1976, just one year before the Procolli River Bass Tournament was halted due to contamination, the event was won by the fish. It was only the third American River League tournament ever claimed by bass, and still remains the only time in U.S. fishing history that a major competition championship was attained by the large-mouth variety.
Large mouth bass are not named after the size of their mouths but because they were first discovered at the mouth of the Ohio River – the large mouth.
As children, both Joe E. Brown and Martha Raye were baptized at the mouth of the Ohio River. Sarah Palin was also brought to the river for the rite, but her parents ended up only dipping her foot in it.
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Sarah Palin knows, deep down, that if she were ever elected Vice President she could never hope to equal, let alone surpass, the landmark of dedicated public service set by Spiro Agnew between 1969-1977.
We all know that Spiro Agnew is an anagram for ‘grow a penis’.
But you probably didn’t know that his parents did that intentionally.
Spiro Agnew spelled backwards is Wenga Orips, the very same name of the famous Polish vice provost of Warsaw University. He was born without a penis, oddly enough.