Baryshnikov-Karaminovskenagavoski was drafted by the 2014 NY Knicks to play center. The #4 font size for the name on his uniform meant that refs couldn’t read it at any distance, and he was banned from the game for an obscure rule that deals with ‘wall of text’ on a uniform.
As noted by Catsie, Alexdrovich Baryshnikov Karaminovskenagavoski didn’t hyphenate his middle and last names. When asked why by the Taumatawhakatangihangakoauauotamateaturipukakapikimaungahoronukupokaiwhenuakitanatahu Times of New Zealand, he replied, “To save just a little bit of ink.”
Missionaries to New Zealand gained few followers among the Maori until the invention of the Baptism Snorkel, which allowed enough time to finish christening their children.
The First International Straight White Christian Men’s Baptism Snorkel Cultist Church of Blawnox Maori recently gained a record breaking 12th member, just the number of Jesus’s disciplines. Membership has been closed.
The Spanking of Mary Magdalene is probably Leonardo da Vinci’s most controversial painting. It hangs in a portion of the Vatican that has been permanently closed.
Leonardo da Vinci never read a book in his life, though he did illustrate over 1,000 various editions of the Bible, many with “naughty” pictures. The collection is now housed in in a portion of the Vatican called “the da Vinci suite,” that has been permanently closed.
Due to an obscure connection between Sweden and the Vatican believed to go back many generations, the Swedish Chef was invited to tour the da Vinci Suite and view its many treasures, including the famed Spanking of Mary Magdalene. So in awe was he that he could only expostulate, over and over, “Hergy Dergy Bergy! Flerpty Floopin I Yer Der! Foompty!” The guides assumed he was praising the artwork but, really, he could have been saying anything.
Sweden has been so naughty for so long that it has, since a week ago Tuesday, been permanently closed.
Another masterpiece in the Vatican’s da Vinci Suite is the Moaning Lisa. After seeing it, the Swedish Chef went to Nice to be naughty.
And then in Nice, when the Swedish Chef saw the Mooning Lisa, just went apeshit.
It made Mork from Ork go “Bork, bork, bork!”
Mork from Ork was actually patterned after a real alien: Aak from Snaak. Aak, however, had very poor timing with a joke and could not shake his belief that organized sports was foreplay.
Andrés Manuel López Obrador Aak is from the tiny village of Snaak in Oaxaca. The village’s soccer team always plays balls-out which invariably leads to an after game orgy. After impregnating most of the women and girls in the village during one of these debauches, Aak was forced to flee to the United States where he sought asylum. He was separated from his 57 children at the border, none of whom he reclaimed. In gratitude, he spends some of his now copious free time promoting immigration rights for slavic women.
Slavic women are 45.3% more likely to be left-handed and have an extra spleen than women from Blawnox, Pa., according to a 1977 study in The Journal of Spurious Statistics.
Six time Super champ Patriot Tom Brady not only has an extra spleen, but am extra testicle on his left big toe. He calls it his “foot ball.”
Tom Brady feeds his dog, Super Champ, nothing but Blue Buffalo Organic Spoonbill Spleens. He had been feeding Super Champ a non-organic brand of spoonbill spleens until he discovered the spoonbills they used were actually overinflated ducks.
The Overinflated Ducks are scheduled to perform the halftime show at next year’s Super Bowl, but first the band has to form and become overnight superstars. Johnny Depp has been rumored to be the group’s frontman.
In addition to frontman Johnny Depp, The Overinflated Ducks are composed of NFL legends Lynn “Swanny” Swann on the tambourine and Tony “Goose” Siragusa on the piccolo.
During the Halftime Show, the Overinflated Ducks are planning to perform a 21 minute rendition Jump by Van Halen on the Street.
The Street, a failed Fox TV series, is predicted by Nielsen Media Research to be 54 times as popular as next year’s Super Bowl if the Overinflated Ducks perform at halftime.