The Dave Clark Five were originally called Dave Clark’s Four Fingers And A Thump. The band name was changed for their first album, because it was seen as being too “suggestive.”
The band Pink Floyd led a candlelit march for peace during the dark days of the London riots. However their marchers clashed with other bands holding their own candlelit marches and violence erupted again. Disappointed lead singer Roger Waters remarked that he had hoped his lit candle would make a difference. But all in all it was just another wick in the brawl.
The brawl was carried out on a cricket field, and all that dripping candle wax lead to the place being unusable for the Pink Floyd Annual Cricket Field Finale. Walters was fined 100 pounds for creating a “sticky wicket.”
The largest tapeworm removed was 100 pounds. When interviewed about it, the tapeworm host Franklin DiRossi said, “Whew.”
If you could stretch that 100 pound tapeworm between the Earth and the Moon, it would be really icky.
But that 100 pound tapeworm would make a nice Stairway to Heaven.
Tapeworms are used to measure bamboo by the violent, reclusive and ambidextrous Orsonbeano tribe of Papua Old Guinea. The tribe’s longest tapeworm to date was over 100 feet long and much too disgusting to show here.
There are 1 1/2 Old Guineas in a New Guinea. There are 11 Shillings in an Old Guinea. There are 7 Costermongers in a Shilling. There are 32 Ha’farthings in a Costermonger, and there are Smiles that make you happy, there are Smiles that make you bluuuuuuue…
Similes and smiles are the same thing, according to a controversial article by Blawnox University English Prof. Patrick Olivier Narnia Barnstaple “Booboo” Phartuccio-Wainscotting in the June 1977 issue of Stupid Misconceptions, Indefensible Ideas and Patently Wrong Theories Quarterly.
The website for the Museum of Similes has received over a million "like"s.
Slightly more valuable than the June 1977 issue of Stupid Misconceptions, Indefensible Ideas and Patently Wrong Theories Quarterly is the August 1962 issue of Amazing Fantasy. Stan Lee happened to have a copy with him at the 2008 Blawnox Table Stakes Poker Championship when he won it all.
It was down to the last two players, Stan Lee and an unknown named Peter Parker. Stan didn’t have enough chips to call Peter’s raise and was contemplating folding. Luckily, Paul McCartney, who had dropped out several hands before, was watching over his friend’s shoulder. Paul grabs the comic out of Stan’s pocket, throws it on the table, and whispers words of wisdom, “Bet it, Lee!”
Stan Lee’s full name was Stanley Leestan Epstein. He was a cousin to both Brian Epstein and Linda Eastman, whose father’s last name was Epstein. But he changed it because he didn’t want to be associated with his cousin Brian the sodomite or cousin Stan (A grown man who writes comic books?)
Leestan is a little-known country in Asia Minor, bordering East Canuckistan, Laurelstan and Afghanipakiranistan. It has a population of 43 and is ruled by the Mad King Gorevidal.
Count Gore de Vol (1970s Washington, DC, TV host) was moved to the Saturday afternoon Creature Feature on Channel 20 when the Sesame Street folks got wind of his early-morning kiddy program where he got kids “warmed up” for school by doing counting exercises.
On the Street, no one fucks with the Muppets.
No one but the muppeteers. It is a commonly known fact that several Muppets had small holes in their lower backs - an invitation to the muppeteer behind it to insert his thumb. In those scenes where all the characters are jumping and laughing…well, now you know what was really going on.
And that goes double for Avenue Q, only those puppeteers are brave enough to be out in the open about it, unlike the muppeters, who hide themselves.
Even as you read this, ninja squirrels are about to strike from their hiding place located… just… behind… you!
This just in: Ninja squirrels are NOT about to strike from their hiding place located…just…behind…you because ninja squirrels just went on strike for better working conditions and more pay.
They’re sick and tired of being Squirrel Girl’s expendable shock troops, dying by the hundreds to save her fluffy-tailed ass.
Scab ninja chipmunks are, however, moving in our your house right now. Alvin’s bringing his assault rifle.