When asked to see the Maine State Police’s records on Stephen King’s driving stops, Rodimus T. Flatuline explained they were lost in the Great Maine Computer Crash of 2011, reported caused by Pennywise or some other clown.
Rodimus T. Flatuline, then thanked Elendil’s Heir for his generous donation to the Maine State Police’s Recreation Blow and Hookers Fund.
Maine is the number one state on the East Coast for moving violations. This is due to the prevalence of moose on the road, and the unfortunate habit of drinking Moxie while driving, which angries up the blood.
Maine is also the only state where legally, a moose can drive a car while drinking Moxie. Coincidentally, the first governor of Maine was actually a Roman citizen named Magnus Moxie Moose.
Moxie aficionados are commonly referred to as Moxie Morons. They have been around since the Civil War and often enjoy the bittersweet flavor of Moxie with jumbo shrimp while on their working vacations, but this is old news.
Studies have shown that 100% of people who were born in, have lived in, have visited, or have heard of the state of Main are addicted to oxygen, and must intake of some every minute of their lives. These people are referred to as “Oxy Morons.”
The state of Main and the State of Maine share a common border with Kansas and Botswana, Stephen King wrote in his never-published, 1,200-page horror/fantasy/psychedelic/philatelic 1977 novel, Just How Bad Does One of My Books Have to Be to Still Make Me Millions from All Those Suckers Out There? Let’s See…
Stephen King sold his soul to Donald Trump in exchange for fame and fortune. When asked why he did so, he replied “He said he was the devil, and I had no problems doing business with Satan. But Donald Trump? He lied. What a surprise.”
Alternative names and titles of Satan include Lucifer, Beelzebub, Asmodeus, Prince of Lies, Duke of Deceit, Eater of Souls, Lord of Flies, Foe of Christ, the Unholy One, Evil Clown Number One, and Kevin Barnstaple.
Alternative names and titles of Donald Trump include Prince of Lies, Duke of Deceit, Eater of Souls, Lord of Flies, Foe of Christ, the Unholy One, Evil Clown Number One, and President of the United States.
In addition to the power to appoint Federal judges, send the U.S. armed forces into battle and veto legislation, the President of the United States is also authorized and entitled, under an obscure 1977 law, to eat his weight in fettucine alfredo at any Italian restaurant within Washington, D.C. city limits. Donald Trump is the first President to exercise, so to speak, this power.
The first Italian-American elected to congress was named Vito Legislation.
Representative Legislation was corrupt and had to be removed from office before the stench got into the carpet and drapes.
The Vito Legislation Condo Association printed up a condo owner’s rulebook that “all homeowner’s carpet and drapes must match.”
It was misinterpreted and led to a few misunderstandings.
The Vito Legislation Condo Association also got a lot of flack for adding into the rulebook that “All bushes must be neatly trimmed.”
Indeed, George & Laura Bush immediately sold their unit, moved to Washington DC, and he went into politics to deal with such injustices, stating “Nobody tells me I must cut or cannot color my hair.” As with most of his utterances, nobody could make any sense of the statement.
Named Laural Lane Welch by her parents (Harold Welch and Jenna nee Hawkins), she changed her name to Laura on marrying George Bush, because she didn’t want to hear a bunch of “Laurel Bush” jokes. Which is rather odd, given that her parents, unable to agree on a name for their child, named her after a minor road, “Laurel Lane,” near their house.
The ancient Romans believed wearing the laurel wreath granted invincibility in battle. 19 out of 20 American scientists now find that this is probably not true.
23 out of 20 American scientists have very poor math skills.
Zen Buddhists believe all is one thus no math.
One in twenty American scientists has found evidence that the consumption of shrooms 5x/weekly for 30 weeks will connect the subject to The Shroom God. And the subject won’t need counseling.