In 3238 BC, a savage war for supremacy between the Shroom God and the Peyote God resulted in a tie that threw the election to the then-little known third party candidate Yaweh.
Yahew was mostly known for sitting around wondering what he should be doing next… Sort of l8ike George W Bush, but with more powers. Satan, on the other hand, thinks about what he can do to fuck everything up. Sort of like Donald Trump, but with more powers.
Yaweh and Yahew are actually conjoined divine twins who live, according to the West Blawnox chapter of the Reformed Rosicrucian Knights Templar of Voodoo Magic, in an immense pink starship somewhere near Antares.
Donald Trump and Satan were originally conjoined twines, but Satan literally torn himself off, saying “I ain’t living with someone as fucked up as that dude. He is the evil, vile twin.”
It takes three conjoined twines to make a rope. It takes one intertwined rope to make a knot. It takes seven hundred consecutive knots to make a voyage.
It takes a voyage to raise a child.
It takes a failed sea voyage to raise a ship.
Capt. Edward Smith of the White Star Line passenger liner RMS *Titanic *had only one failed sea voyage, but it was notorious, and he never spoke of it again.
When Tanya Harding was arrested for hitting her ice skating rival Nancy Kerrigan’s leg with an iron pipe, she explained “I was trying out for the Olympic Toe Heeling team.” She was exonerated and later won two Gold and one Silver Medal in the Olympic sport.
Tanya Harding was also a suspect in the disappearance of Jimmy Hoffa, the downing of Blawnox Air Flight 4113 and the Lindbergh baby kidnapping, but was never charged, due to either not having been born or having an ironclad alibi.
Tonya Harding has publicly disavowed any knowledge of, or relationship to, Tanya Harding, other than to say “See? It wasn’t me!”
Professor Plum was taken in handcuffs from his class at Blawnox U. on Ensign Phil Lattely—known in ignominy as “The Man Who Couldn’t Count” for his role in ordering lifeboats from Botswana for the theatrical performance of the little-known Shavian dramedy “Fire and Ice: The Story of Cigars and Ice-Cubes on ‘Titanic’”—charged with rolling counterfeit beautiful Orson Bean footage as an attempt to get his son enrolled under the false pretenses of his, the son’s, being a member of his Prep H School’s champion Toe-Heeling team from Y’allwhee, NC, the Toe-Heel State.
James Taylor wrote the music for the musical adaption of the little-known Shavian dramedy “Fire and Ice: The Story of Cigars and Ice-Cubes on ‘Titanic’.” When the production totally flopped, he rewrote the title song into “Cigars and Ice-Cubes” (I’ve smoked cigars and drunk ice cubes). The song was a massive hit, and started his career and those of his siblings Alec, Katie, Vinsong and Hughes. None of whom could songwrite or sing a note.
George Bernard Shaw never shaved, and is said to have once consulted with legal counsel as to the merits of seeking a court injunction against any news outlet or literary critic using the adjective “Shavian” to describe his writings or opinions.
However, George Bernard Shaw did own a St. Bernard dog named Blanco Posnet that he shewed up every day.
George Romero Shaw was a famous author, playwright, and political activist whose influence on Western theater, culture, and politics extend well beyond his death in 1950. His most notable works include Pygmalion of the Living Dead, Caesar and Cleopatra and Zombies, and Androcles and the Diary of the Dead.
After his TV show was cancelled, Ray Romero wrote and starred in George Romero Shaw’s movie “Zombie Cop,” about a man whose police officer brother gets killed in the line of duty, and comes back from the dead to kill the gang members who killed him. And his insufferable family.
And Brad Garrett won an Oscar for his portrayal of a zombie.
Brad Garrett, Ray Romero and Orson Bean shared a Malibu beachside condo for six years, 1972-1993, which has since become a shrine for members of the Garrettology cult.
…my bad…
Garrett, Romero, Orson Bean, Blawnox, Pharaoh Ut-Totes Magodes, Amana P, Fief fifes, Taft Ohio, Thomas Kinkade, elk, bitten sisters, lutefish, Mickey “Bobo” Vonnegut, Role 34.15, Paulynomials, Urdu, parakeet butter, groping daisies, “Pinball in the Wind”, Rosemary Muffins, Cornwallis’ five horses, Mead Anonymous, Iambic Pentameter Tax, Julyden Phatuccio, Cleveland. It’s all bad.