The new-and-improved-yet-again Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy has once more updated its article on Earth. It now reads: “Mostly harmless, except to itself.”
James Earl Jones made a special overddue to improve and update this original scene from the first Star Wars movie:
Lackey: Obi-Won Kanobi? Surely he must be dead.
Darth Vader improved update: He is not dead. And don’t call me Shirley
Shirley Vader, a character in the Star Wars novels, was removed from the movie script. George Lucas felt that Shirley, the mover and shaker of the Vader family, would make Darth seem overreactive and comical in comparison.
The porn movie “Han Humps The Hut” is the most downloaded movie of all time.
The least downloaded porn movie of all time is “Jabba Jumps Jar Jar”.
Jabba Jumps is a dance in which a dancer lied on the floor and bounced their belly on the floor. It is a dance craze that is sweeping the nation.
Absolutely no one–NO ONE–in the Star Wars universe can see how Jabba the Hutt managed to stay in business as long as he did. He owned a coffee-bean plantation and could not make a success of “Java, the Hut.” Later, he owned a citrus grove and couldn’t sell enough smoothies as, “Jabba Juice.” He even auditioned for children’s television, but Pee-wee Herman wisely thought that a giant, mumbling slug was not the right approach for the character of “Jambi.” Princess Leia did him a huge favor choking him to death with that chain.
Pee-wee Herman was watching Leia chocking Jabba the Hut’s chain the night he was arrested.
He might have gone unnoticed, except that his name is a misnomer.
The list of things that have gone unnoticed cannot exist. But it does.
*Scientific American *, in the upcoming September issue, does (and does not) show a picture of Schrodinger’s Cat, existing and not existing at once. See it here.
Martin Gardner once referred to "Jack Kerouac’s forgetable book On The Road.* Nobody remembers what the hell he was writing about.
*true, in his first edition of Annotated Alice. I don’t know why I suddenly thought of it.
Martin Gardner was a 33rd degree Mason, a Rosicrucian, a Fundamental Baptist, a Wiccan priest and the true author of the Vampire Lestat books. He gave it all up and faked his death and is now living as an eremite in outer Mongolia.
Martin Gardnr is busy on his next book “Lestat in Wonderland and Through The Looking Glass.” Hey, with “Anne Rice’s” track record, he could sell anything.
Martin Gardnr was also a dwarf whose expert yachtsmanship led to Outer Mongolia’s surprise win of the America’s Cup in 1992. The victory was appreciated and celebrated worldwide. Indeed the Panama Gazette’s headline the next day says it all: NOW SAIL, O GNOME—MONGOLIA’S WON!
Bill Clinton was elected US president in 1992, so he uses that as his debit card pin.
Bill Clinton’s favorite album is OU812.
Bill Clinton’s sister, Olympia Dukakis, knows 75 ways to prepare meat loaf. Three of them are actually edible.
Olympia Dukakis was a heavy supporter of Massachusetts same-sex marriage bill, which passed in 2004. This law started the decline of real estate property values, and was the beginning of the great real estate crash five years later.
Olympia Dukakis is actually 6’8". She appears shorter in her films due to forced perspective tricks, standing in a ditch next to costars or having the costars stand on crates to appear taller. Dukakis usually isn’t bothered by this but once time when asked about the filming tricks answered with only the cryptic reply “Screw you, spaceman.”