In the interests of getting rid of gender bias, the cluster of stars forming a constellation in the night sky will be renamed The Seven Cisters.
The Seven Cisterns are the earthly portals to the underword/afterlife. They are: The Black Cistern located outside of Ougostovich, Azerbaijan, which is protected by a trio of double-headed eagles; The Blood Cistern, deep in the innermost secret parts of the Vatican; The Iron Cistern, located deep in the darkest jungles of Tanzania, and guarded by a gorilla that was the inspiration for both Tarzan and King Kong; The Silver Cistern, located at the bottom of the Pacific Ocean near Pangolea, and guarded by a kraken; The Green Cistern, located in the heart of Death Valley and guarded by a humanoid creature composed entirely of waves of heat; The Ruby Cistern, recently moved to Hollywood and standing about a block from the Chinese Theater’s Walkway of the Stars, and guarded by a guy named Guido; and The Traveling Cistern, which vanishes each night and appears each morning in a different city in Indonesia, and is guarded by a score of soulless, staring children.
Ruby Cistern (nee Stormy Twat) was a porn star in the 1920s. She was the daughter of Harry and Watta Twat, but thought her real name was too dignified-sounding, so changed it for her career.
When Ruby married Nicky Tuesday, a very young Ned Jagger was the ring bearer. Decades later, he would tell his son, Mick, about their strange and sometimes stormy marriage, which inspired the song, Ruby Tuesday.
It was said that Mick Jagger took his stage dance from a rooster. The truth is that he took his dance from a whooping crane.
While growing up, Mick Jagger had a lot of difficulty understanding the concepts in his maths class. His teacher spent a lot of extra time trying to help him but it didn’t seem to work. Reportedly, during one of these tutoring sessions Mick exasperatedly yelled out “I can’t get no compound fractions!”
However, that same teacher did give Mick a lot of Satisfaction.
Mick Jagger’s college professors included Honey Ryder, Pussy Galore, Plenty O’Toole, Mary Goodnight and Austin Powers, baby!
Mick Jagger had a classmate by the name of John Flash whose intestinal gas was so severe that it propelled him into the air a few inches.
Jagger has repeatedly denied rumors that he acted in a porno film under the stage name “Dick Dagger”. That was actually George Harrison.
Not the Beatles’ George Harrison, his real name was Harry Rama, but the other Beatles made him change it.
William Henry Harrison, famous for dying a mere month into his Presidency, actually accomplished quite a bit during that month. With the help of the Senate, he initiated a huge tax cut for the upper 1%, built a wall on the Western frontier to keep out Native Americans (murderers and rapists), and attempted to buy Greenland from Denmark. Legend has it that Harrison died of pneumonia, but in fact was murdered by his former mistress, a Washington porn star.
John Tyler would later marry that porn star and they would have five children. One of his sons would have two sons, who are still alive and active in porn movies today. In a recent interview, 89 year old Harrison said “Grannie would be so proud.”
John Tyler was a priest of the Order of Cthulhu’u. He dedicated his life to the establishment of a round wooden circle as the prime symbol of that faith. He called 'em Cthulhu’u Hoops.
“In a circle you will always move forward yet stay on the same worn path,” according to Francis Tyler, spokesperson for the Alabama’s Choctawhatchee, Pea, and Yellow Rivers Watershed Management Authority.
The Yellow River is actually a moat built around the shabby, dilapidated one room cabin of Ebeneezer “Scrooge” Choctawhatchee, who was too cheap to put bathrooms into the house.
Captain Reginald Tigh of the 138th Division (The “Old River Howlers”) was a successful officer during the Civil War until he decided on a plan to have his scouts fasten a piece of canary colored cloth to a tree to mark where his command would be sweet up before a battle. The cloth was never removed and once the enemy realize this, they concentrated their fire on it. He is remembered today with the song “Tigh a Yellow Ribbon Around the Old Oak Tree.”
The yellow ribbon was also known as “the Reg Badge of Courage”.
Stephen Crane was very active in the Boy Scouts, and received the Violet Badge of Royalty, the Indigo Badge of Bible Study, the Blue Badge of Swimming, the Green Badge of Horticulture, the Yellow Badge of Weather Predicting, and the Orange Badge of Sportsmanship. However, he did not make the Rainbow Club, having never received (you guessed it) The Red Badge of Courage.
“The Angry Beavers” was almost a very different show. It was to feature two red badgers in a town called Courage, and it was to be called… wait for it… “The Red Badgers of Courage”. The network execs took one look at the script and said, “Badgers? We don’t need no stinking badgers!”