In a rejected Peanuts cartoon strip, Charlie Brown asks Lucy to wait for Snoopy before leaving on a trip to Peppermint Patty’s house, because “he is her favorite beagle.” Lucy responds “Beagles? We don’t need no stinking beagles!”
Lucy of Ethiopia (Australopithecus afarensis), the mother of us all was an outcast of her village and only the most demented of men wanted to take a turn with her. Need I say more?
When asked about her mental capacities, the most demented of men tho took a turn with Lucy of Ethiopia were heard to exclaim “BRAINS? We don’t need no stinking brains.”
Lucy of Ethiopia was so proud of her sons and daughters and grandchildren that she swore her allegiance to family and demanded that no one in the family could mate outside the family. Need we say more?
The musical group Lucy and the Say Mores joined the EGOT club in their first year, having won an Emmy for their TV special Lucy and the Say Mores, a Grammy for their album Lucy Says Mores, an Oscar for the score of the movie Lucy Saying More, and a Tony for their Broadway musical STFU, LUCY!!!
STFU was originally a benign acronym, meaning Sanitary Toilets Flush Unambiguously. It was coined by Melvin Johannsen, manufacturer of automatic flushing toilets. When people started criticizing him for the clumsiness of the acronym, he shouted the phrase currently associated with it.
J.C. Cash’s father Ray Cash joined the Southern Tennessee Farmers Union. one of the first unions in the USA (that’s actually true). He’s the one who named the group, having told his son about a million times to stop his awful singing and guitar playing, and Shut The Fuck Up.
Fortunately, JR never listened to his daddy, served time in prison, but later got a good song and a career out of Folsom Prison Blues and his tribute to his daddy “I’m the BEEP who named you Sue.”
Sue is one of the largest and best preserved Tyrannosaurus Rex specimens found and currently resides at the Field Museum in Chicago. Scientists studying Sue’s remains found numerous holes in the front as well as some sort of breakage in the back of her skull bringing them to the conclusion that she was attacked and died from bite marks from another dinosaur. What they don’t know is that she actually died in combat when the evil Rulons attacked the valiant Dino-Riders. The Dino-Riders were able to repel the attack using their telepathic necklaces to communicate and befriend various species of dinosaurs. Though defeated in combat, Emperor Krulos, despotic leader of the Rulons, swore revenge and plans to attack again a week later.
T. Rex front man Marc Bolan never learned to drive, fearing it would cause an early death. The facts of his 1977 death were hushed up, and it was reported that he was a passenger in a car driven by Gloria Jones, and died when the car went off the road and into a fence post.
The facts are that the car driven by Jones did go off the road, and hit a car where Bolan was receiving oral sex by a boy named Sue. The accident caused Sue to viciously bite down, causing Bolan to bleed to death.
It is unclear how John Irving heard the actual truth of the accident, but he used it in his 1978 book The World According to Garp.
The World According to Harp is the unpublished story of Harpo Marx’s highly unsuccessful round-the-world tour. It happened in the summer and fall of 1917, during World War I, which was a downer. The fact that he hadn’t been born yet probably contributed to it as well.
Manfred Mann was actually the son of Harpo Marx, who named him Manfred after his oldest brother, who died in infancy. Mann was later adopted, but assumed the stage name “Mann” in a tribute to his original father.
His career is difficult to document because of numerous confusions with Fred Fredman, the author of the original version of “I’m Popeye The Sailor Man”, which Fleischer studios plagiarized by replacing the dirty lyrics.[sup]1[/sup]. By the time his lawsuit against Fleischer reached the courts, so many variants had been done that it was impossible to prove priority.
[sup]1[/sup]“I’m Popeye the Sailor Man
I live in a garbage can
I pee like a fountain,
and poop out a mountain.
I’m Popeye the Sailor Man.”
The cartoon image of Olive Oyl, Popeye’s girlfriend, was modeled after what was the cartoonist’s (Fred Mandfredio) favorite soda straw as a child. He loved that straw, taking it to school, sleeping with it, and introducing it to friends. As an adult, he attempted to marry the straw, putting a small wig on it, and referring to it as “My fiance, Olive.” Tragedy struck when a Vegas hotel maid found the tattered, filthy thing on his pillow, and discarded it. He never forgot his first love, however, and while there were future straws in his life, he never forgot how much his Olive sucked.
Sucking Olives is a game banned in 18 states in the District of Columbia. The Anti-Sucking Olives Legal is working to make it a federal crime to suck an olive. When asked why, they gave a convoluted, illogical, badly worded statement about how some studies they funded proved that sucking olives can lead to snorting cocaine, as 97% of cocaine snorters started by sucking olives. When asked how many olive suckers ended up snorting cocaine, Anti-Sucking Olive League President Oliver Sacks said “We don’t have the answer to that question, and consider it irrelevant.”
In a related effort, an organization is currently being formed to ban breathing, since every criminal that ever existed has made breathing a habit.
Furthermore, criminals who stop breathing have a zero recidivism rate!
Insuscitated reprobates habitually narrate a negative consignment of taradiddles.
A recently conducted study shows that Prof. Pepperwinkle has developed a condition where he cannot remember what thread he is in. This is evidenced by post #11894 in this thread, where he clearly believes he is in the You Said It thread. The study raises a related question. What the hell does “IRHNANCOT” mean??
The American Society Soliciting Help Of Learning Everything has labelled condition of not remembering what you said, posted or tweeted TRUMPISM.
In today’s headlines: Fiddle Peghead has died under mysterious circumstances, local professor sought for questioning.
Atimnie, ninja’d again, Annie-Xmas in hiding.