atimnie is unaware that the Bourgeois Mephistophelean Order of the Chippewa Shinobi have sent out a double dozen of their semi-finest ninjas to hide his paper clips.
Joke’s on him, I don’t have paper clips.
The Society of Paper Clip Addicts (SPCA) has been engaged in bitter legal suits with another well-known organization over the use of their initials. Taunts of “bunny buggerers” and “toenail cleaners” are often hurled at poorly attended demonstrations.
Paper clips were invented by Apu Apustaja, who went on to breed frogs to offend political groups in his native Finland.
Finland is named for the dolphins that swim around the fjords, dolphin fins being consumed for medicinal purposes. Medicinal porpoises are not a thing.
Medicinal Porpoises was Finland’s answer to Sweden’s supergroup ABBA. They had one tune (Suck My Lutefisk) that cracked the Top 500 at #499. This was, however, an error on the part of those who construct such lists, and was quickly corrected, plunging said song to #15,645 in a matter of seconds.
The SPCA has entered a campaign to popularize paper clip necklaces, bracelets, earrings, and, for the superficially avant-garde, ankle bracelets. Next year, they will introduce colors.
(I know I missed by two entries but I’m tired, dammit!)
“I’m Tired, Dammit” was the followup to Medicinal Porpoises “Suck My Lutefisk”. Both songs can be found on their only album, "Ingmar, Ingrid, and Sven (are not members of this band).
Ninja’d. And it was a good one!
Good Ninjas, a subsidiary of the Bourgeois Mephistophelean Order of the Chippewa Shinobi, have set out to stealthily place paper clips throughout atimnie’s home, car and place of work.
The Bourgeois Mephistophelean Order of the Chippewa Shinobi is the criminal organization in the new CATS movie, trying to get their former leader Magical Mister Mistoffelees back into the pack before he gets to go up up up past the Russell Hotel; up up up to the Heaviside Layer
Criminal and terrorist organizations have begun using absurd names in an attempt to defeat artificial intelligence algorithms that monitor telephone and internet traffic. This has led, for example, to the Provisional Irish Republican Army renaming itself Ripley’s Castoreum & Hog, no Hog, Bristle Dispensary.
In order to beat hackers, Donald Trump, using a random name generator, has changes his name to Ward Holland. Mike Pence changed his to Leslie Everard Stacy. True story.
“True Story” is the latest Enquirer type tabloid. For just $1, you get 64 pages of absolute bullshit.
True Story thus joins the ranks of such time-honored tabloids as the National Enquirer, New York Post, Blawnox Babbler, Des Moines Dabbler, Tokyo Tattler and Moscow Everything Putin Does Is Great.
The South Bend Sober Bender takes their content from the Des Moines Dabbler and avoids lawsuits by generous use of synonyms.
South Bend, IN, is the home of the world’s largest styrofoam hamster. It stands over 36 feet tall, and they have to put tarps over it when it rains. And they have to put it in the barn come winter. It was built in the hopes the local high school would change their name to the Fighting Hamsters, but they decided instead to keep the name of Troublesome Trouser Snakes.
The movie troublesome trouser snakes involves a lesbian group that invents a cross breed of snakes that feast on male genitalia. It does NOT contain any lines about motherfucking snakes in my motherfucking pants, or any offensive language whatsoever.
It is also judged to be one of the worst movies ever made. When reviewing it, Roger Ebert said "I’ve had it with these (BEEP) snakes in my (BEEP!) trousers.
Roger Ebert, as a kid, once ate five whole blueberry pies in one sitting on a dare, with the expected results. The incident would later be recalled by Gene Simmons, who told it to his makeup artist, Stephen King, who would later put it in the movie, “The Great Pie Puke”.
Gene Simmons was Stephen King’s inspiration for Pennywise the Clown in It.