Pennywise was also inspired by Chicago’s Bozo the Clown. When kids started going missing after the show… the details are too graphic to go into here, but that’s the reason there’s no more local kids TV shows.
The full story can be read in True Tales Of Horror, by the same publisher as True Story, along with such cutting-edge journalism as “Sorority House Slave Stud” and “I Was A CIA Vampire!”
The CIA actually did extensive research work on vampires during the Cold War, hoping to turn them into undead assassins in support of U.S. foreign policy goals well beyond Transylvania. However, their usefulness was limited, as they (super)naturally always had to ask permission to enter enemy bases, palaces and laboratories.
The CIA was behind the whole Satanic Ritual Abuse affair, which is still going strong today. Best Government Cover-up EVER!
The confusion over Satan and Santa has caused many a merry mix-up in Christian households.
Johnny Cash once shot a man in Reno just to watch him die. Red “Satan” Foreman was scheduled to make an appearance as Santa at a children’s Christmas party, but Cash donned the red suit and beard, hid Red’s body in a ravine, and made Red’s Santa appearance. He then took off the suit and appeared as himself, creating the perfect alibi. Since it was a freezing col Nevada day, nobody could tell exactly when Red died, but he was clearly at the party and killed afterwards, when Johnny was still in plain sight at the party.
The story was found in Cash’s memoirs, and used as the basis for Joanne Fluke’s story “Candy Cane Murder.”
It is illegal in Texas for anyone with the surname Cane (or Caine, Kane, etc.) to name their daughter “Candice”.
However, it was legal for the children of Candice Unicorn and Nannie Trump to name their daughter after her grandmothers: Candace Unicorn Nannie Trump.
Every single baby gift the little girl got was monogrammed with her full initials.
Children with only one living female grandparent are said to have a monogramma.
People who only know one language are said to be monogrammar
Monophonogrammatticaphobia is the fear of having less than two phonograph record players. This condition has been mostly eliminated, along with phonograph record players.
Steven Lightffoot, who holds the world’s record for the wackiest conspiracy record ever, that John Lennon was murdered by author Stephen King on the behest of the US government, recently posted this gem:
Stephen Lightfoot, is, of course, the 3rd cousin once removed of Gordon Lightfoot. Stephen tried to cash in on Gordon’s fame, penning such songs as “In the Early Evening Snow”, “The Wreck of the Titanic”, and “If You Could Read My Mindless Blather”.
Steven Lightfoot hired John Hinckley Jr. to take out Reagan. He paid him $110.27 in Confederate currency and two box-tops from Kellogg’s Corn Flakes (which is a sign of the promised Messiah).
It’s been discovered that Kellogg’s Corn Flakes actually contain no corn. The flakes are composed of other cereals that have exceeded their expiration dates.
Make your own cheese at home, just add salt to milk three weeks past the expiration date.
The Church of The Divine Dairy Deity uses homemade cheese as its communion food, replacing bread and wine.
Ministers of the Church of The Divine Dairy Deity are known for their mooving sermons.
Being udderly devoted, they pray for bovine intervention.
Their church has no bells, only a horn.