When they pass the plate, tipping is encouraged.
Plates were invented by the earliest humans when they got tired of eating dirt with their meat.
Oddly enough, even after the invention of plates, early humans would season their meat with dirt in a misguided attempt to return to the “good old days” of broken teeth.
In he Old Testament, meat was always eaten as God gave it to us: Raw and alive. Eating dead meat was considered sacrilege, leading to the expression “In God’s mind, you are dead meat.”
Jesus of Nazareth was the first person to point out that killing animals before eating them was more humane, and roasting them was tastier. When people tried eating dead cooked meat, they decided it was the better way and started referring to the originator as “The Lamb of God.”
In the late 1800s, several synods in the Lutheran church experimented with using course, cinnamon flavored crackers instead of the traditional Communion wafers. While this didn’t last very long, these substitute crackers became known as the Graham of God.
Several of the church members changed their last name to Graham, and the anti-religious perople started referring to them as “crackers.” And yes, one of them had a great-great grandson named William who called himself Billy.
William of Cracker was known for cracking his whip to extinguish gas lights as he was a peeping tom. The original term was Peeping William, the whacker of Cracker.
When his French cousin started such activities while eating carel maize, he quickly was dubbed “Cracker Jacques.” He also offered anyone who caught him in such sport a toy surprise.
Cracker Jack originally came with a dead goldfish in every box. For some reason, being imprisoned in a cardboard case with glazed popcorn (and peanuts!) caused the goldfish to become a somewhat tasty, crunchy treat. This led to the goldfish-eating craze of the 1920’s among collegiates. Many of those people went on to lead somewhat normal lives.
Goldfish crackers used to be real goldfish, imprisoned in a cardboard case with glazed popcorn (and peanuts!), which caused them to become a somewhat tasty, crunchy treat. They were a huge seller until the FDA started mandating lists of food ingredients.
The Whizzo Chocolate Company went bankrupt when they were required to post their ingredients in big bold letters. Some speculate it was the Spring Surprise that sunk the company, but it was most likely the chocolate real dead unboned crunchy frog that did it.
Whizzo Chocolate was the brainchild of Mark Whizzo, of the Nantucket Whizzo family. The product initially did well, but the “Gee. . . .Whizzo!” advertising campaign showing a young grinning boy peeing into a vat of chocolate led to the company’s eventual demise.
The boy in the “Gee. . . .Whizzo!” advertising campaign peeing into a vat of chocolate was played by Samuel L. Jackson. A second campaign, showing a boy peeing into a vat of white chocolate, starred John Travolta.
There was a follow-up advertising campaign that was never released, showing Samuel L. Jackson peeing into John Travolta.
That was also a deleted scene from Pulp Fiction.
John Travolta appeared briefly standing next to Mahaloth in the alternate ending to Big.
Convinced at the low point of his career that he was no longer marketable, John Travolta tried using makeup and prosthetics to pass for African-American and become a rapper for a few months in 1986. He has since paid millions to erase all evidence of this.
John Travolta’s residence here in Ocala has an airstrip for landing his private plane, although sometimes he gets impatient and just lands on College Rd. (SR 200) right in front of Paddock Mall. No one seems to notice.
Paddock Mall contains the only remaining active Children’s Palace store. The store remains open even though no new toys or dolls have been added since 1996. Some of the dolls have eyes that glow fiendishly in the dark. One of the rocking horses bites.
There has been no maintenance done either since 1996. In Children’s Palace, toilets piss on you.