Paddock Mall attempted to install both a Chinese Garden and a Japanese Garden for customers to wander through. After a couple of weeks, it was apparent that no Asian in his or her right mind was going to apply for a job that required them to spend eight hours a day standing in a flower pot, and the idea was scrapped.
Scappy-Doo made one appearance at Paddock Mall, where he pissed on everybody, including celebrity guest stars John Travolta and Samuel L. Jackson, who screamed into the microphone “I’ve had it with this motherpissing dog in this motherpissing mall.”
Scappy-Doo was Japan company Haddah-Balbella’s rip off of Scrappy Doo, and they didn’t get it quite right. For one thing, they made Scappy a chihuahua.
Whenever he defeated an an enemy, Scappy-Do will break into the Mexican Hat Dance. The show was boycotted, as this was considered “racist.” Koreans responded by eating dog meat with Mexican hot sauce, and hold the yellow mustard.
Scappy-Doo was eaten by Scrappy-Doo, who died soon afterward. No one attended either memorial service. Except for that one guy in a robe and a rubber mask.
Scappy-Doo’s soul was transferred into the guy in a robe and a rubber mask, who became a serial killer who now, after killing someone, breaks into the Mexican Hat Dance and then dog meat with Mexican hot sauce, and hold the yellow mustard.
in 1978, Lincoln Park Zoo held a contest to vote on the name of their new Varanus lizard. The most popular name for it was Scrappy-Doo, after the well-known cartoon character. Reportedly, the new lizard was so unhappy about its new name that it tried to escape from it’s enclosure whenever it could and it got so bad, the zoo had to invest in a video camera to monitor the lizard.
Before he hit it big time, Eddie Izzard used to appear at children’ parties as “Eddie the Lizzard.” He wore a rainbow striped lizard costume and did a stand up story telling routine about Eddie the Lizzard, including several “draining the lizzard” jokes that only the adults appreciated.
The term, draining the lizard, comes from a time when condoms were made of lizard skin, and were expensive, so to reuse a condom, you’d have to “drain the lizard”. The term has evolved to its current meaning.
Bob Dylan’s song “Leopard-Skin Pill-Box Hat” was originally about the “Lizard-Skin Condom Time.”
Well, if you want to see something rise
Honey, I know where
We’ll get out and see it sometime
We’ll both just sit there and stare
You with my belt wrapped around your head
And me just sittin’ there
when it’s my brand new lizard-skin condom time.
Lizards are actually merely optical illusions. They don’t exist when you aren’t looking directly at them.
Chameleons have the ability to hypnotize. No one who has ever looked at one remembers being hypnotized.
Ditto Uri Gellar. Most people he has hypnotized remain creeped out by the man.
In 1997, due to an unfortunate mixing of alcohol and mentalism, Uri Geller accidentally bent several audience members’ spleens during a performance in Little Rock, Arkansas. Medical attention was required.
Fortunately, Gellar used his ability to make watches run again, and nobody died in this unfortunate incident. Their spleens took a licking but kept on ticking.
Their watches ran, yes, but every one turned out to be inexplicably set to a different time. This also applied to all the computers and other clock-based equipment in the area. Despite having to endure multiple packet-storms and other network breakdowns, the Little Rock IT people were unable to resynchronize any of their equipment.
The network anomaly persists to this day. With the increasing amount of networked equipment in everyone’s pockets, it is becoming more and more difficult to hide the anomaly. Emails with inaccurate timestamps are just the tip of the iceberg.
Locals in the know refer to the area as being on Robot Standard Time.
Actually, doesn’t this apply to everything? 
There’s no such things as icebergs. What we call ice bergs are just solidified clouds that fell into the ocean.
When clouds de-solidify, they float back into the sky. (I am so telling this to some people who I know will believe it’s true. “Solidify clouds” indeed.)
“Ground Clouds” are clouds with heavy water (D2O) in them instead of regular water (H2O). Heavy water is a little sensitive about its extra neutron Hydrogen atoms so it would prefer if you don’t talk about it, thank you very much.
Ground water is made by running distilled water through a grinder or mill. It’s a preferred ingredient in the manufacture of soylent blue.