Don’t believe the rumors, Soylent Blue is only 10% people.
The makers of Soylent Blue insist that they follow all FDA guidelines when making their product (no more than 12% people, no people with leprosy allowed, etc, etc) but the makers of Soylent Yellow are adamant that their main competition is skirting the rules. If the aggression between the two companies escalates any further, it will be like the Cola Wars II all over again.
Soylent Lite is made from vegans.
Soylent Light Sabers are made to kill vegans.
Soylent Yellow must be a minimum 52% jaundice humans and is the chief ingredient in the manufacture of electrical bananas. Electrical bananas, it has been said, will be the next big thing.
The fad for electrical bananas actually passed decades ago. You might recall Donovan singing about it…
Electrical banana is gonna be a sudden craze
Electrical banana is gonna be the very next phase
And it was, for about three months. In fact, the fad was over by the time the song came out. This “new” electrical banana will fade before it gets a chance to start, gone quicker than New Coke.
Anybody remember the electrical banana? I had one myself, back in the day. They were totally useless. But cool.
Bananas are an endangered plant species, primarily because they are prized in America for their bone, which is often cut up and eaten with ice cream or breakfast cereal. Banana poaching is a lucrative business, if not the preferred way to eat them.
Bananas are my favorite because they have a peel…that can be dried and smoked. Excellent example of using something that would otherwise be tossed away.
You have to be careful when smoking banana peels as they’re considered a gateway drug. Many banana peel smokers have slipped into using more dangerous drugs but doctors are split on how to treat them.
Banana peels are a gateway drug, it leads to grape seed sniffing, peach pit licking, and prune juice gargling.
A gateway martini is made with gin, vermouth, prune juice, grape seeds, and a peach pit.
Drink a glass of prune juice every day for 36,525 days and you’ll live to be a hundred. And hate it.
Yeah, that sounds like shit.
Advice columnist Dan Savage cautions against drinking prune juice while on dates warning that the drinker of the juice will “live to regret it.”
Dan Savage is the grandson of Clark “Doc” Savage. Dan occasionally goes to the tanning salon so that he too can be a “Man of Bronze”. He named his dogs Monk, Renny and Long Tom; his cat is Johnny, and his mongoose is named Ham. Occasionally he loads up all his pets and goes out looking for Evil to fight. Usually in the city park.
Juice Newton’s first cousin thrice removed is Dan Savage. Ms. Newton’s name as listed on her birth certificate is “Judy Kay Newton”. She adopted her stage name based on her favorite beverage as a child, orange juice. She has made no secret of this fact and has mentioned it in numerous interviews over the years. Despite this, some fans, for unknown reasons, insist that this fact not become common knowledge, and think that by continually removing it from Newton’s Wikipedia page they will prevent this from happening. Other fans find the story endearing, feeling it makes her even more lovable as a singer and stage personality than she already is (if that is even possible) and thus continually re-edit her page so that it’s included. This has led to a drinking game called “Let’s Juice It Up, Baby!” One person bets another on whether or not this fact will be on the page when viewed. The loser has to drink a screwdriver shot.
Juice Newton’s parents were Isaac “Fig” Newton and Waynette Newton. Waynette eventually changed her name when she became a singer because “men make more money”.
Wayne Newton and Brenda Lee are actually the same person. Think about it, have you ever seen them together?
Wayne Lee and Brenda Newton have never met each other, despite having attended the same High School at the same time, having attended churches less than a block apart, and both having library cards at the very same branch of the same library. If they did, the results would be obviously catastrophic.