Aflaccaphobia is the fear of talking duck mascots.
Affleckophobia is the terror that Ben will star himself in an otherwise potentially good movie.
Arkophobia is the fear of being stuck on a long cruise without a mate.
Stoataphobia is the fear of the adorable little Australian marsupials known as quokkas. Prince Andrew, Duke of York, is not known to suffer from it.
Feefiephobia is a fear of climbing large legume plants.
Rapanzalphobia is a fear of climbing golden stairs. All members of Led Zeppelin and also Bob Dylan suffer from it.
Fortunately for them, the Americans With Disabilities Act means that there is always a golden elevator nearby.
Some of those come with a golden shower… best to avoid those.
In the upcoming Bond film the part of Auric Goldfinger will be played by Helen Mirren. Devotees are dubious as to whether or not she will count as a Bond Girl. Queen Elizabeth II has said that, since Helen’s in it she won’t be seeing it, much as she likes Daniel Craig. They’ve had a feud lasting over 40 years since Helen made a move on Prince Philip at the debut of the film Excalibur.
This is why casting the Queen as Pussy Galore was a non-starter.
Casting Dame Judi Dench as Old Deuteronomy in the latest CATS movie has angered both trans-gendered people and the far right religious communities. Casting Jennifer Hudson as Grizabella has angered the neo-Nazis and various other white supremacist groups. They have all started started various Internet campaigns to have the movie banned, including one called “Pussy No More.”.
The ASPCA has pointed out that conflating the breeds of cats in the play with varieties of humans is the ultimate cause of all these angry accusations, and can only lead to unfairly casting as Persians.
The Australian Students’ Positively Conservative Association has lost its past eight receptionists to laryngitis, as each has repeatedly had to explain to callers that, as the latest told the Sydney News in a profanity-filled interview last week, “the group doesn’t give a shit about cats and dogs, that’s the *other * ASPCA, so would you kindly bugger off?”
Dow Chemical tried to market a bug spray called Bugger Off in Australia, but the number of resulting fistfights in Aussie retail stores caused them to withdraw and re-name the product as Fuck-off, Bugs.
The notorious gangster Bugs Buggerov wishes you and yours a Merry Christmas and a happy new year, or else.
Twasn’t the night before Christmas at all. It was Christmas morning, somewhere around 2 am. The children’s visions were probably of raisins, as plums were not in season. Plums do not dance. Ma hopefully had on a bit more than a kerchief as it was cold and someone was opening the window when the temperature outside registered below freezing. Snow has no breasts. Coursers are horses not deer. If the wall is a porch then there is no need to have ordered the reindeer above the porch, as they would have to go above the porch anyway to get over the wall. If the wall is not over the porch there is no need to get on top of the porch at all. Once above these impediments reindeer would need to stop, not dash. Reindeer are not able to understand verbal directions. Reindeer flight to a roof is dissimilar to leaves encountering an obstacle in a hurricane. St. Nicholas would have no time to light a pipe in the time it takes to remove a head from the window and turn around. One could not tell if a head had a nose like a cherry or twinkling eyes if that head is encircled in smoke. Winking eyes and a turning head are not enough information to infer safety from an intruder. It would be impossible to know if Santa sprang to his sleigh if he and the sleigh were on the roof but the observer were downstairs in the house. Down from a thistle does not fly away, it floats in the air and then rests on the ground. St. Nlcholas’ wish of “merry Christmas” makes the wish of “good night” redundant.
St. Nlcholas is best known for his 430AD declaration to the children of Jlerusalem, “Plresents? You want plresents from me? Blugger off!”
Blugger Off blug spray has been banned in 29 countries. Not only does it not keep the blugs off, it gets them rip roaring drunk and horny. Blug population has increased by 400% since Blugger Off was introduced.
The reason Santa’s naughty/nice list is always up-to-date: every one of your houses is blugged.
It takes ten nices to overcome the bad score of one naughty.