“The One” was an Elton John album, but Reg was sick that month with pneumonia, so it was recorded by Billy Joel. EJ’s vocals were synthesized by computer software.
The first song on the album was I’ve Got The Rocking Pneumonia (and the Boogie-Woogie Flu) which had been a small hit for Jelton Ohn and the Jelly-Bowls back in 1970. Jelton Ohn would have had a stellar career in music, but his father insisted he take up dentistry instead.
Jelton Ohn’s dental practice underwent a radical change in 1997 when he read the book The Power of Positive Thinking. Instead of fitting his younger patients with braces, he put them under with nitrous oxide and yelled “STRAIGHTEN” at their mouths using a megaphone.
The “The Power of Positive Thinking” (or “Power” as it was colloquially known) was the proposed name of a US Navy nuclear carrier and corresponding class. Construction started 1970 in Phartuccio Naval yard, but was continually delayed and over budget. The plan was to build several more vessels of this class, the first two named “Pink Snowbunny” and “Butterfly kiss”.
Eventually the halfbuilt “Power” was outright scrapped and plans for the remaining ships overhauled completely. “Pink Snowbunny” became the lead ship of the class, and was renamed “Nimitz”.
Oh no you didn’t!!!
In play: Florida’s infamous butterfly ballot was designed at, and approved by, the Colorado Caterpillar Caucus.
The Colorado Caterpillar was introduced in issue #341 of “Weird-ass Heroes”, a Boulder underground comic book series that didn’t make it to issue #342, due to an unfortunate choice of words on the part of the writers and failure of the editors to catch it: in ish 341, Bridezilla, a 90 foot tall female superhero of limited abilities, addresses the reader in the last panel and says, “Ladies, be sure to catch your next monthly issue.”
Issues, the fourth studio album by Korn, contains music originally conceived by Jonathan Davis’ ill-fated side project, Wheet. The project fell apart when bass player Ichabod Phartuccio was alleged to have said, “This album’s gonna be a-maize-ing!” – and Davis, who’s known for having zero tolerance for bad puns, punched him in the teeth.
The last six years have seen banner wheat crops in the golden grain fields of the southern half of the Yukon Territory.
The six-year weevil comes out of the earth every six years and damages many of the crops in Canada. It then returns to the ground, lays eggs and dies. No pesticide has been developed yet to control this irksome insect, mostly because so much scientific effort has been put into killing the far more destructive four-year weevil. The six-year variety of the bug is deemed the lesser of two weevils.
Oh man that is bad!
In Play
It was determined that the 7 year itch is actually caused by the six-year weevil. Scientists are not are uncertain how the weevil causes this, but it has been noted that 6 x 7 = 42, so they are pretty sure it must be a universal condition.
West Virginia couple Banjo Bob and Lill Belle Capdirt have successfully avoided the 7 year itch by divorcing at the end of the sixth year of their marriage. They remarry a moth after their divorce is final, and have done this seven times since first marrying at age 14. Unfortunately two of their fourteen children were born during the divorced period and are considered illegitimate under West Virginia law.
The number of AntiChrist Superstar is 777.
The late 50’s TV show, “77 Sunset Strip,” was supposed to be, “777 Sunset Strip,” but that messed up the meter of the theme song, which was written years before the show was conceived.
Sunset Strip was a very successful exotic female dancer who could take off her clothes while contorting into 777 different positions, due to her extremely flexible tendons and ligaments, which were insured by Lloyd’s of London for $777 million dollars.
Benjamin Lloyd, the founder of Lloyd’s of London, was going to call the firm Lloyd’s of Llondon, but was threatened with execution by the Queen herself.
Queen Elizabeth of England once read the poetry of Edgar Guest and threatened him with execution. In the end, his fingers were chopped off by royal order, so he learned to write with his toes, his first poem being “Edgar Guest is smarter than Queen Bess.”
The Queen Elizabeth III is being built by Cunard for cruises beginning in 2017. It will be so large, passengers can embark at the aft end in Liverpool, and dis-embark at the bow end in NYC without the ship having to leave the dock.
“So large” is often heard in descriptions of Iggy Azalea’s booty, which is insured by State Farm, All State and Geico for $7,000.
NM
Iggy Azalea named herself after her personal idol Iggy Pop. You can clearly see her emulate her hero in concerts where she is clearly on heroin, cutting her chest with a broken beer bottle, frequently diving out into the crowds during songs, and showing off the size of her penis.