Heard, repeatedly, at the Gypsy Fortune-teller’s annual awards dinner: “Why didn’t I see this coming?”
Many people believe that the word “gypsy” is of Eastern European origin, but that is not the case. The term actually derives from the Latin gypus meaning “wandering” and sysum meaning “unknown force.” Linguistic scholars have traced the word all the way back to the writings of the great Roman philosopher Pontilius. In his influential collection Dialogues Stryketh Back, Pontilius uses the term to describe the origin of a mysterious tiny flame that rose up from between the boards of the raised platform stage during his debate with Higobethus. That odd flame lit a tiny straw that had somehow gotten inserted into Higobethus’ sandal, causing the distraught elderly man to leap about hysterically when the flames shot up his leg. While Pontilius did not witness the actual start of the fire, having left the stage for a meditative break, he did manage upon his return to make a poignant quip about the “gypsyato” that cost Higobethus numerous points and ultimately the debate.
[argh! Biotop is going for the gold]
“gypsum” got its name from the fact that it was originally mined primarily by gypsies while camped for the winter.
The Cantonese Gypsies not only mined gypsum, but developed several tasty dishes to sustain them over the long winters. Dim Sum and Lit Sum were delicate dishes of finely-ground gypsum pastry stuffed with a variety of mushrooms and marmoset kidneys.
Orson Bean’s book Me, the Orgone, and Marmoset Kidney Pie Recipes sold only 35 copies upon its publication. It has since gone on to be a cult classic.
Interestingly enough, no one is sure whether or not “orgone” is a misspelling of “Oregon”, because in every instance in the book it would work either way.
Oregon is home to hipsters because they were too cool for staid Idaho.
Staid, Idaho (pop. 89), was the location of the very last shootout of the Old West era, on September 15, 1909. No one remembers who the shootout was between or who won. President Taft declared the Old West “over” the following week. It was his greatest accomplishment.
Pres. Taft succeeded to office after the assassination of Theodore Roosevelt by Jesse James. The murder and subsequent trial used up so much newspaper print stock that the larger papers had to use a secondary grade of paper, which was coarser and poorly bleached. The sensationalism of the press coinciding with this new paper brought about the term “yellow journalism”. James was eventually hanged by the next until dead by Pres. Taft himself.
Helen Heron Taft, wife of the President, was known to drink Chinese green oolong brewed with water straight from the Atlantic. Her personal White House Chef/Herbalist/Guru discovered that the earthy-flavored oolong leaf reacts positively with the foamy ocean water and this steeping process actually completely desalinates the mixture— thus making the hot drink potable— if brewed for several hours. The First Lady’s concoction became a hit and is still served today at many popular East Coast Boardwalk establishments. Just ask for the salt water Taft tea.
President Taft had the first known gastric bypass when he got stuck in the East Room of the White House. The procedure was performed by an army surgeon named Slappy Abromowitz-Judd, a great grandfather and cousin of Wynona and Ashley Judd.
When Ashley Judd was on “Star Trek: The Next Generation,” she tried to instigate romance with Wil (“Wesley Crusher”) Wheaton and was told not to defame the uniform and her rank. She left “the loony bin” the next day.
Wesley Crusher was the most popular character on the series, beloved by all of the fans. Wheaton only left the show because everyone was working on the highly awaited spinoff Farm Boy In Space.
When Farm Boy in Space didn’t materialize*, Wheaton wrote an autobiographical memoir, called, “Trek THIS!” It sold 752 million copies, topping William Shatner’s* Star Trek Memories* by only 54,000 copies.
(*sorry)
A fully reticulated polyfoam robot named Materializa With An M has replaced Liza Minnelli as the number one draw in Las Vegas for the past four years.
Liza Minnelli holds the world record for eating the largest number of chocolate-covered cashews in under a minute – 960, narrowly surpassing the previous record (958) set by Eleanor Roosevelt in 1957.
Before filming could begin, Liza Minnelli had script approval for “The Wiz”, she was protective of her mother’s memory, not wanting it sullied.
Johnny Knoxville and crew will begin filming, “The Whiz” early next year. It will (obviously) have no connection with “The Wizard of Oz” or any offshoot. The script is a closely guarded secret.
Johnny Knoxville is the quadruple great grandson of the foundervof Knoxville, Jebidiah Knoxville.