Before Jack the Ripper started his killing spree, he was known for engaging prostitutes and giving them very large sums just to watch him take his clothes off. His stressor (the thing that set him off) was when he learned the whores had nicknamed him “Jack the Stripper”
Inspector Constable Hamilton Makepeace Leopard of Scotland Yard was the head of the Ripper investigation throughout its term of terror. Inspector Leopard was selected because he was blind and deaf, and talked a great deal of impressive blather, and couldn’t be shut up.
Comstable Hamilton Makepeace Leopard of Scotland Yard had a seeing eye/talking ear leopard, the only time a leopard was used for that purpose.
Leopards are not born with spots. They acquire them by rubbing against the Bilbobaggin bushes as young cubs. The berry juices of these bushes contain dermamyocinthes simplex, which leaves permanent black and tan stains.
Dermamyocinthes simplex an also be used to permanently cure toenail fungus. It does however also stain the toenail black.
Black toenails were considered the height of fashion in 1960’s Haight Asbury, and dermamyocinthes simplex started selling for more than $100 a pound.
Dermamyocinthes simplex was used by pounds and animal shelters for years to dye Poodles so they could be passed off as Chows.
Dermamyocinthes simplex was the final song Johnny Cash recorded before he died. It made up to #98 on the Billboard Country Music Chart, and was only on the charts for two weeks.
The #98 song on the 1st Billboard chart was Perry Como performing “The Hokey Pokey”.
Johnny Cash first became known as The Man in Black when he accidentally washed his entire wardrobe in Dermamyocinthes simplex. His dying song was a tribute to the dye, which made it to #98 on the Billboard charts
A true ninja, even when shot down, will make a dying effort to get the point across. The point, of course, will be tipped with Dermamyocinthes simplex IV for increased accuracy.
Both the red and white varieties Dermamyocinthes simplex IV have been banned for use in the World International Ninja Organization (WINO) competition.
This Fall’s WINO competition will be held at an undisclosed place and time, as usual. The Lithuanian team looks very strong this year, especially Pancelita Phartuccio.
Vice President Spiro Agnew welcomed the winning 1972 WINO team from Pakistan to the White House when Richard Nixon was out of town… or so he said.
In 1973 it was discovered that the 1972 winning WINO team wasn’t actually from Pakistan, but had slipped into that country from India right before the National qualifying round.
The Japanese have been disqualified from the WINO contests every year since 1947, due to the fact they always are late with the entry fee.
WINO radio in Ocala, Florida, tried to get permission from George Carlin’s estate to use pieces of his routine in their promotions, but were turned down. The reason?: “You folks do not play more hits more often, and you are NOT the big sound in the big town.”
George Carlin is in Heaven now, he’s happy and he’s smiling down on all of us.
When George Carlin arrived at the Pearly Gates, he had to leave most of his stuff down on earth. Saint Peter kept the suitcase of stuff George was allowed to bring to Heaven, but did allow George to carry a small fanny pack of his favorite stuff.
The fanny pack was not named after the position on the body where it is worn - it is named after it’s inventor, Fanny Pekuliar, who wanted somewhere to carry clean underwear in case she was hit by a bus.