Inside each little tooth bone lives an itsy bitsy teeny weeny yellow polka-dotted clown flea longing for freedom.
You never get a chance to see this, but when the dentist pulls a tooth, if s/he puts it down on the counter, it will jump around much like a Mexican Jumping Bean.
If you use refried jumping beans in a burrito it will spontaneously leap out of your hands.
Jumping burritos are a staple of St. Paul, Minnesota’s Cinco de Mayo parade, along with nut-filled piñatas and Garrison Keillor dressed as Carmen Miranda.
In her later years, Carmen Miranda tried, unsuccessfully, to sue the city of St. Paul, to stop her image from being used in the Cinco de Mayo parade, feeling a MAN in a tight dress with fruit in his hair was demeaning to the memory of her movies. Plus May 5th is her birthday.
The* Duke’s* Mayo Parade has been held every year since 1919 on August 14th in Greenville, South Carolina. The event calls for the city’s mayor to dress up as a large jar of mayonnaise, and for the rest of the town council to walk together behind, group-costumed as a giant loaf of white bread. The parade runs the length of Main Street, a total of eight blocks. Attempts to jazz up what is generally considered America’s most boring parade have met with stony opposition from Greenville residents who persuasively argue that if they wanted an exciting event, they would not hold a mayonnaise parade.
The Sweet Potato Queens from Jackson, Mississippi, coached by the local WINO club, attempted to infiltrate the mayonnaise parade in Greenville in 1998. They were able to sneak in behind the loaf of bread as it turned east on Main Street and march 14’ before being dragged off the route by Cub Scout Troop #2.
Cub Scout Troop #2, known for dragging old ladies across the road, once refused the offer of a gay scoutmaster because “we endorse family values.” The main problem was the gay guy was a member of WINO.
Cub Scout Troop #2 was warned repeatedly and emphatically not to spend the weekend at Camp Crystal Lake, where all those teens were slaughtered years ago. Ignoring concerned pleas, they trucked out to the location; when the bus returned Sunday night, the first thing off was the unconscious and hogtied body of Jason Voorhees. “He ain’t so tough,” little Milhouse Agnew was heard to say.
Cub Scout Troop #2 is headquartered in Piscataway, D.C., a half- square block never formally incorporated into the City of Washington.
Jason Voorhees would later get off with one year’s probation, after he promised the Piscataway Judge Rosie Pumpkins that “he’d learned his lesson, found Jesus, and would never kill again.” Judge Pumpkins, who had recently inherited a huge sum of money from her murdered parents’ estate (the killer was never found) would later marry Voorhees, go to visit her sister, and never be seen or heard from again.
Car pooling has been a tremendous challenge for the parents of Cub Scout Troop #2, as none of them want to drive the 8 hours to Piscataway for troop meetings. Only Milhouse Agnew’s father will make the trip, and he charges each Cub Scout $842 for gasoline, lodging and tickets to the “WORLD’S LARGEST BALL OF RUBBER BANDS” roadside attraction outside Buttner, NC.
Piscataway has been voted the LEAST safe place on earth by the Board of Concerned Citizens of New Harborport, Maryland. When asked why it is so unsafe, the board members would look away, whistle and swing their feet.
“Look Away, Whistle, and Swing Their Feet” was Perry Como’s follow up to “The Hokey Pokey.”
Staging the song “Look Away, Whistle, and Swing Their Feet” for the Muppet Show was Jim Henson’s most difficult challenge. Two of the puppeteers got nauseous and had to be replaced.
Twenty-nine of the puppeteers on various productions of Avenue Q have been choked to death with their own puppets by The Radical Anti-Puppet Posse (TRAPP)
The twenty-nine puppeteers who were slain by TRAPP were buried together in a clown car. Cub Scout Troop #2 attended and sang a touching rendition of “Send in the Puppets”.
[I had a major revelation this morning - if I **follow** Annie, she can’t ninja me!]
The death of the 29 puppeteers was quickly swept under the carpet under the guise of bureaucratic red tape. It looks like someone pulled some strings.
Attendees at the funeral included Maria Von Trapp, who sang a stunning rewrite of “My Favorite Things”
Puppets in white dresses with blue satin sashes
A fake mouth, a fake nose and fake eyelashes
Choking the performers with their own puppet strings.
These are a few of my favorite things
CheshireKat, you’re up
Nicasio, California is famous for producing the world’s largest string cheese, a whopping 8’ long. It would have made the* Guinness Book of World Records*, but the citizens used it as a maypole before the judges arrived.