Made with real Fruit (lame)

The BBQ Pit
1

Walgreens is a staple in my life. Not the drugstore itself, although tile and stucco could, concevably, make for a fiber rich and colon clensing diet. No, the baked goods counter is where the late night quick snack action is at. So, lo and behold, I go waltzing in to my local Walgreens, grab a liter of Mountain Dew and a pack of “Daddy Roy’s Low Fat Apple Bars.” A pound of Newton-like apple cakes for a buck. Yay, dinner and breakfast rolled into one fruity snack. I am pleased.

Fast foreward to about five minutes ago. I’ve ingested two of these bars, and while not being terribly bad, they are turning my stomach to mush. I can imagine the leader of the Stomach Cell Revolution standing on the podium screaming “We’ve endured MRE’s and hot A-rats, and what do we get? Nothing. We’ve endured McDonalds and Hardees, and what do we get? Nothing. Now we’ve endured ‘Daddy Ray’s Low Fat Apple Bars’ and comrades, we will endure no more!” right before he and his cellular cronies begin attacking my kidneys and spleen with sharp objects and homemade guns. I should have been more observent, true, but still…

First thing that is now getting to me is the packaging. It’s green tinted celluloid with a picture of ‘Daddy Ray’ on the front. Imagine ‘Panama Jack’ without the monicle, and a blazing red Amish-style beard. Under him are some faux ‘fruit bars’ in an even deeper green than the rest of the packaging. Right next to it is a blazing white 48 point “LOW FAT APPLE BARS.” Ok…they’re low fat. They taste it. My stomach has just overrun my liver and is now campaigning against my small-intestine. They know it too.

But please tell me why, next to the three inch by three inch “MADE WITH REAL FRUIT” ‘stamp’ do you have an equally large ARTEFICIALLY FLAVORED stamp? Yes, that is how its spelled on the package. Looking to the nutritional information and ingredients panel, I see that the ‘real fruit’ is LEMON FLAVORED FIG PARTS. LEMON? LEMON!? Its a fig pastry flavored with lemon being passed off as apple? I can’t believe this. I’ve seen ‘real fruit juice’ items which were made with apple (when ‘cranberry’,) grape (when cranberry) and lemon (when 'mango) but lemon flavored fig as apple? Give me, and my rioting stomach a break.

Next thing I notice about the package is right next to the ingredients label. Its kosher. I’m not Jewish, but I thought that kosher foods excluded such things as sulfer dioxide, gelatinized corn binder, ceratex corn flakes, and (tell me what this is?) locust bean gum? This can’t be legal, let alone healthy.

Well, my guerrilla stomach has decided to come to the negotiating table, as the Peptol-Bismol brigade has done its dirty work. Thanks for putting up with me!

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Eek! I was eating those things when I opened this thread. My package states they contain apple, but it’s so low on the ingredient list as to seem unmeasurable.

Locust bean gum is a polysaccharide used as a binder, thickener and fat substitute. It was once used to bind mummy wrappings. Bon apetit!

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Label reading is best done before purchase.

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Label reading is best done before purchase.

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Try buying and eating real fruit. If you’re clever, it doesn’t even have to be in that order.

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come on now… daddy roy’s? you were just asking for your stomach to revolt.

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I know I am revolted now.

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I understand there used to be a Daddy Roy’s Fruit Bar in San Francisco sometime in the mid-50s. Good times, good times…

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Wait, is it ‘Daddy Roy’ or ‘Daddy Ray’?

Did you just grab the wrong arteficially flavored apple bars, and are now blaming Ray/Roy for the transgressions of Roy/Ray?

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I have no idea who this Daddy Ray/Roy character is. But I am laughing.

fushj00, thanks for the chuckle. You are still alive…aren’t you?!?

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If you’d just used that magical incantation to summon up Esprix, you might possibly be a whole lot happier right now.

Niggling laws concerning that pesky concept called, “Truth in Advertising” make it a legal necessity to equally inform the all-too-often unwary public that any snack putatively “MADE WITH REAL FRUIT” has had its otherwise pristine nutritional purity compromised by being “ARTEFICIALLY FLAVORED.”

Even if finding these at (off the) Wal-Mart didn’t provide you with the gratis clue, the spelling alone should have set off several difficult to ignore internal alarm bells. As it is, your unruly gut mob has probably sailed well past the Isles of Langerhans and is currently battering at your pancreas’ gate. I wish them luck.

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That’s real fruit juice and a perfectly legal way of describing it, just as “natural flavoring” is legal even if the natural flavor used is not extracted from the thing it’s supposed to taste like. **

I think that’s cooked corn flour mush–perfectly healthy as long as you don’t make a diet of it (can you say pelegra?) or are allergic to corn**

AKA confectioners corn flakes, you take corn meal and run it between hot rollers that flatten and cook the grits. Perfectly healthy with the same provisos.**

Not just healthy but REAL healthy. That’s some of the soluble fiber you keep hearing about that’s supposed to suck the cholesterol right out of your veins.

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I see that none of the Industrial Strength Jews of the SD have addressed this. As Jew (Now With Pecans And Almonds!) I’ll try my best.
All plant products are kosher.
Locust beans are just beans. I’m not sure how they got the name. But, kidney beans ain’t kidneys and locust beans ain’t locusts.

Ceratex corn flakes. A quick search turns up this

Which brings us to gelatinized corn binder.

Most gelatin is derived from bones and hooves. Whether gelatin is, in itself, an animal product is a debate worthy of its own thread. I’ve heard convincing arguments that the chemical process that results in gelatin leaves no concrete animal product.

In any event if the animals that supplied the bones and hooves were kosher, then the gelatin is kosher. (Though those maintaining that gelatin is an animal product will insist that it not be mixed with dairy products).

Gelatin can also be made from fish(I learned this just recently on a trip through the kosher aisle of a local supermarket, looking for halvah. Why , oh why doesn’t my local Shoprite carry halvah? I want halvah!) and pectin. Any fish with scales and fins is kosher. Further, fish may be mixed with dairy products. Pectin is another plant extract.

Sulfur Dioxide- I have no idea why this would not be kosher.

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Now made with real artificial wax fruit

Contains not more than 99.9% non-fruit additives

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You do these things just to annoy me, don’t you?

Bastard.

Esprix

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Ray’s/Roy’s…now that I look at it, I’m not sure. First inclination would have been an O, but…bah. I’m just glad my stomach didn’t Dear John me too often last night :smiley:

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The lemons aren’t completely out of left field - you put lemon juice in apple pies. I don’t know why, you just do. Or at least my mom does.

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Misspelling on the label are never a good sign about the quality of a product as the experience related here proves.

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Hell, I’ve always figured that “Made With Real Fruit” just means that at some point there was a piece of fruit in some proximity to the assembly line. Maybe one of those ornamental miniature orange trees. Or they just tell the employees that they have to bring fruit in their lunches.

What’s strange to me is that in my supermarket, figs are much more expensive than apples, so you’d think some sort of dried apple puree would be cheaper than dried fig puree with artificial lemon flavor.

Lastly, a friend of mine who’s orthodox told me not to assume that kosher certification means anything more than the product doesn’t mix milk and meat and doesn’t contain non-kosher fish or meat. It doesn’t necessarily mean the product’s healthful, natural, or even made under sanitary conditions (although they’re supposed to check for insect parts).

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True enough. Though any reputable certifying organization will ensure sanitary conditions. Sadly, some organizations are whores with rabbinical degrees.

 As far as health is concerned, several brands of chicken fat are certified kosher. The stuff is sold in cans and jars and used as dairy substitute in recipies to be served with meat.

The Master deals with kashrut here here
Skip this one if you’re a fan of Junior Mints
and here.

Dex does a fine job comparing kosher and halal food here
Some information on some common marks and the organisations that use them here NOTE-This site is result of a quick Yahoo search. I read only the linked section. The remainder of the site may contain information and/or viewpoints I do not endorse.

What was the actual certifying mark on the bars? As Cecil mentions, an uncircled letter cannot be trademarked and can be used by anybody. As he also mentions, the circled U is Industrial Strength Jew certification that the product is kosher by high standards and a strict interpretation of the law.