Dear Judaism:
Sorry, you touched her last. She’s all yours now.
Love,
Pope Benny
I don’t lump all of Hollywood or music in the attention whore category. But Madonna? She’s Queen of attention whores in my book. I don’t see her as taking emotional risks–I see her as making shrewd PR moves. I don’t buy her schtick.
(who is Nickelback–maybe I don’t want to know!)
To His Holiness the Pope & Bishop of Rome, etc.,
On our honor, we never touched her, she touched us! Inadvertant contact is simple enough to dispense or purify (as you know as part of your job), so we don’t have to keep her.
Tell you what - if you and us can come to some agreement here, we’ll forgive you for that, ah, forced indiscretion of your youth.
Perhaps can we team up and foist her on a Movementarian commune somewhere?
Warmest regards,
~ Judaism
She is Ambassador for Judiasm
to Atlantis.
Dear Judaism,
Sorry, we had her for twenty years, and just couldn’t take it any more. We had to get rid of her before she embarassed us any further. We are looking forward to her video based on Psalm 137, though.
y’r ob’d’t,
ex-Catholicism.
A lousy rock band. I direct you to the YouTube video for one of their most regrettable songs, Photograph.
Honestly, I understand what you mean about age affecting your approach to music. Stuff I used to find unbelievably profound in high school now makes me :rolleyes:, as do today’s rock hits that seem oh-so-latent with melodrama. See above for good example.
Dear Catholicism,
While we certainly understand the sentiment, must you have foisted her on us? Were there no other religions to choose from? I understand the Baha’i, for instance, are welcoming new applicants.
Respectfully,
Judaism.
Dear Judaism and Catholicism,
May we suggest a solution to your troubles? Simply put, we will accept Madonna into our bosom, taking her off your hands and into our pockets. By the way, when was the last time either of you have had an audit? Are you a slow eater?
Sincerely, $cientology
pounds gavel Sold, to the cult in the brown suit! 
[Reverend Lovejoy]
Madonna, have you considered another religion? They’re pretty much all the same…
[/RL]
There are people in Tel Aviv, tonight, who are wondering if the PLO takes requests.
The king called up his jet fighters
He said you better earn your pay
Drop your bombs between the minarets
Down the casbah way…
I don’t know about bombs, but I gotta rocket I wouldn’t mind dropping between those minarets, down the casbah way. Or, hell, up the Casbah way. I ain’t choosy.
I’ll call McDonalds to have them change the sign… :rolleyes:
This is all a mistake. Madonna declared herself an ambassador for Jude Law – thet papers got it all wrong.
Madonna became a star when I was in high school! I rest my case… 
Debatable- Song of Solomon 8:6. Depends if how one translates
“shalhebetyaah” as “vehement flame” or “flame of Yah”.
– Transliterated Hebrew
Song of Solomon 8:6 siymeeniy kaxowtaam al-libekaa kaxowtaam al-zrowekaa kiy-azaah kamaawet 'ahabaah qaashaah kish’owl qin’aah rshaapeyhaa rishpeey 'eesh shalhebetyaah.
– King James
Song of Solomon 8:6 Set me as a seal upon thine heart, as a seal upon thine arm: for love is strong as death; jealousy is cruel as the grave: the coals thereof are coals of fire, which hath a most vehement flame.
– American Standard
Song of Solomon 8:6 Set me as a seal upon thy heart, As a seal upon thine arm: For love is strong as death; Jealousy is cruel as Sheol; The flashes thereof are flashes of fire, A very flame of Jehovah.
– New International
Song of Solomon 8:6 Place me like a seal over your heart, like a seal on your arm; for love is as strong as death, its jealousy unyielding as the grave. It burns like blazing fire, like a mighty flame.
An anecdote I read. Jerry Seinfeld was in a NYC restaurant and Madonna was sitting at the next table. Seinfeld’s wife showed up and apologized for being late. Madonna leaned over and said that if she had the power of Kabbalah into her life, she’d never be late for anything again. Seinfeld said, “Why is that Madonna? Did they add a Kabbalah lane in the Lincoln Tunnel?”
And no, us Wiccans don’t want her either.
(pst, Alessan, that was signed EX-Catholicism)
Madonna is too intelligent to become a $cientologist. She’ll do lots of things to get money… not to let someone leech it from her.