I’m sure he will, if we give him the chance. But I’m not going to. I still don’t believe him at all.
He has the chance now, in theory–his PM says passing the book is a Day action.
Whoops, need to look more carefully.
Yeah, if he is telling the truth, he should pass the Necronminicon to one of the confirmds (don’t tell ahead of time which one, though).
I can’t take it anymore!
I’m going to go watch reruns of The Glimore Girls!
yeah, as long as you don’t start quoting yourself and posting introductory paragraphs from random Wikipedia pages
and changing what’s inside the quotes, even if it is to correct your own spelling errors.
If you’re out on the road,
Feeling lonely, and sooooo cold,
All you have to do is caaaaall my name, and I’ll be there
On the next train…!
Okay, cue credits…NOW!
…NOW!
…
…
…
NOW!
…
…NOW!
F5
NOW!
Day will end at 8:00AM tomorrow. Sorry I’ve been so spastic the last few Days; it’s been a flat-out awful couple of weeks.
Don’t sweat it. If I had to sit through dozens of High School Musical auditions I wouldn’t be in any shape to do anything for a couple of days.
Hey, anyone:
I need a sub for the offboard site game. It’s rather complex, but going rather quickly.
Anyone interested?
Never mind. I found someone.
Gotta give you points for inventiveness brewha if nothing else.
Fine fine. I’ll come clean. I am actually God and I will smite thee with furious anger unless I get some unvotes, pronto!
Anything? Does that work for anyone?
Yeah. Brewha gets total props.
F5
Absolutely. If you’re going to go down, go down fighting. As my father told me the day I left for boarding school.
EXT THE AREA SURROUNDING THE CABIN - DUSK
Close on the face of SPECIAL ED
SPECIAL ED
Kill him!
Pull out to reveal the entire group, clustered together, once again armed with a variety of lethal-looking household implements. The camera dramatically reverses perspective, and suddenly we are looking through the eyes of the mob, straight at a terrified BREWHA (John Voight).
BREWHA
You all have the wrong idea. Killing me won’t solve anything. Just give me until tomorrow. Those Deadites are out there in the woods somewhere… spooky, right? I can help, please, don’t.
Close on a knife, upraised by RAPIER42. It falls. We heaar a wet, gurgling cry, and then, silence. Cut to: the expectant faces of the mob, as they stare down at BREWHA’s motionless form.
PEDESCRIBE
Don’t worry, you guys. Any minute now he’s going to make with the snarling and the ass-face and the bad puns.
Another pause. BREWHA does not make with anything. Blood pools about his upper torso.
ALMOST HUMAN
Crap! I thought we had one.
The group turns slowly, sadly, walks toward the Cabin. Cut to:
INT THE CABIN DINING ROOM – NIGHT
The surviving players are gathered around the dining room table. TOTAL LOST raises a glass.
TOTAL LOST
To brewha. He was always respectful of my chastity, that moron.
THE OTHERS
(Variously)
To brewa!
Brewha, The Famous Actor, a Pro-
Close on TOTAL LOST’s wine glass. Suddenly, the liquid inside is illuminated, by a flood of bright red light coming through the cabin windows. The table begins to shake, plates and cups sliding to the floor with a fearsome crash. The group rises. There is a LOUD BANG at the cabin door. All rise and turn to face it.
PEDESCRIBE
This is not cool.
The door flies open, and off its hinges, crashing into the opposite wall. BREWHA enters. A great bloody gap is still visible where his ribcage used to be. Red flames lick at his head and shoulders. His face is not twisted in the way of the Deadites, but his eyes have gone a flat white. When he enters, he does so by floating several inches above the ground.
BREWHA
Am I late? Did I miss the keg?
He waves his arm, and RAPIER42 flies back into the kitchen, to be pinned against the refrigerator. AMRUSSEL and ZERIEL try to bum rush BREWHA, but with a casual gesture he causes them to spin into one another. Another gesture, and an army of snakes emerge from the couch on which PEDESCRIBE and HOCKEY MONKEY have been thrown, wrapping them and hissing threateningly.
SPECIAL ED
(Master of the obvious)
Brewha is a Deadite!
BREWHA
Wrong! I am not a Deadite. I am a god!
He waves his arms again, and all the living students are drawn as one in front of him. He looms above them.
BREWHA
You fools! I am the most famous actor in this movie! Surely you know that when a famous actor seems to have a small part, it’s inevitably because he turns out to be the secret leader of the insidious and evil forces! Well, brewha, secret leader of the insidious and evil forces, pleased to meet you.
(Laughs)
And you thought I was a Deadite, just another worthless zombie like my mindless minions? Hah!
PEDESCRIBE
(Aside, to HOCKEY MONKEY)
Did he just say “Hah!” Who says that?
BREWHA
I am the master of a great and dark magic. I bound the souls of these Deadite visitors to my own, using that magic, and together we knew we could conquer not only you pathetic fleshbags, but the entire human race! Until you started killing us! That put a crimp in the planning a bit! But then, I found this.
He produces a book bound in what is almost certainly not human flesh.
BREWHA
Necronomicon Ex Mortis: loosely translated: Book of the Dead. I pilfered it off DIGGITCAMARA after I smashed his head in. He was the one who brought the Deadites here in the first place, foolishly reading that book to satisfy his own human curiosity. The Book gives me powers even greater than those I had before, and now I will use them to slaughter you, one by one, and transform you into a Deadite army capable of threatening the entire world, generating a sequel and millions in residuals, and then another sequel, and then sequel after sequel after –
*There is a loud BANG. BREWHA’s eyes widen, and he falls silent. After a moment, he looks down – there is now a huge hole where he heart ought to be. He pitches face forward on the floor, dead.
From behind him, COMETOTHEDARKSIDEWEHAVECOOKIES looks up through streaks of blood. A shotgun is in her hand, smoke trailing from the barrel. Her lip curls.*
COOKIES
Maybe they can show your sequels at the late night double feature… in hell.
COOKIES expires.
brewha, The Famous Actor, a Scum Godfather, has been lynched.
The crowd gathers around the Necronomicon. It is attached to a long cord, at the end of which is a wicked dagger. A bullseye has been roughly painted on the back of the Necronomicon. Determinedly, AMRUSSELL lifts the dagger and raises it above his head.
MILLIT THE FRAIL
(From the corner)
Nooooooooooo!
*AMRUSSELL drives the dagger down into the book. A sickly green mist floods out of the book, encircling MILLIT. We hear her shouts as she is dragged into hell. When the mists clear, it is Day. The camera pans across the faces of the students.
It is over.*
Cut to
EXT OUTSIDE THE CABIN - DAY
TITLE CARD
One year later…
Five college students enter. One is already talking.
CATINASUIT
…and more than half of them ended up dead. True story. I heard it from David Baxter who heard it from Amy Winn who heard it from her sister Devin who was friends with Ashley before she died. So I thought: a haunted cabin in an isolated wood, where people have been horribly murdered not a year in the past? Perfect place for spring break! Now, people will be arriving soon, so…
*The students cross out of the frame, leaving the camera addressing the woods, the side of the cabin, and the nearby wood chipper. Slowly the camera closes on the wood chipper, and inside, to where the HEAD OF HOOPY FROOD lies dormant, eyes closed.
HIS EYES OPEN.
Blackout.*
Yeeesss!!!
Oh, and, incidentally, I lied.
Here’s my real real Role PM: