Make a "Back-Handed Compliment" Hallmark Card!

Back-Handed Compliment
A remark that appears to be a compliment, but in reality, is an insult.
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Hallmark Card
A beloved card, regarded by most as the pinnacle of sentiment.

=a “Back-Handed Compliment” Hallmark Card!!!

PICK ANY OCCASION!!!

BIRTHDAYS!
Happy Birthday,
please note the retail value of the presents I give you total more than $5!

MOTHERS/FATHERS DAY!
Though further DNA testing has yet to confirm it,
HAPPY FATHERS DAY!

GRAD!
Congrats on your college graduation,
hopefully, in 10-20, your parole will go thru.

AND EVERYONE’S FAVORITE!
HURRAY, IT’S A BOY!!!
um, he looks, uhhh…IT’S A BOY!!!

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!
Congratulations on still being together, despite what everyone said.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
You’re only as old as you feel, not as old as you look.

CONGRATULATIONS ON THE PROMOTION!
You deserve it more than anyone! Good luck in your way up the corporate ladder of the family business.

Hallmark does do a number of humourously insulting cards, usually under the Shoebox label (their “Maxine” character is the queen of insults).

Sorry to see you go.
Hope you can find greater success in your new endevours.

Happy Anniversary
The two of you are a constant source of laughter and amazement for all your friends.

Happy 5th Anniversary
You have proved all those that doubted your marriage would last are fools.

Graduation :
(Outside) I hope all that education has stuck with you…
(Inside) Oh! Clearly it has.

My favorite one was an actual card I sent to my uncle. It had a photo on the front, of a horse, taken from the backside. Inside, it said “Thinking of you.” Brilliant!