Make me Laugh.

I haven’t had a proper laugh in a while. What with economic strife and a shitty time at work I need a good laugh. Make me laugh.

Why did the chicken cross the playground?

I don’t know. Why did the chicken cross the playground?

Because it was stapled to the dead baby!

…wait…that’s not quite right…

Worth a chuckle, I think…NSFW.

Came in email; “My costume for Halloween, a retired Hooters girl.”
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ETA, while I’m in photobucket, this also: “Bet if this guy had known he would one day go to prison, he never would have gotten this tattoo.” Also NSFW.

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To get to the other slide! :smiley:

Vibrating Luggage (SFW)

Fuck off and die!
No, I’m kidding, but I thought maybe the unexpected juxtaposition of rudeness in a thread asking for humor might elicit a chuckle. Of course, explaining the joke kills it, but I don’t want to make it seem like I’m actually being a douche. OK I’ll stop talking now.

Hey, it worked for me. “Fuck off and die.” giggle

Yes, that was much funnier than my Laffy Taffy wrapper joke. :stuck_out_tongue:

From my daughter, the soprano;

How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to stand on a chair, and two to stand in the background and whisper - “It’s too high! She’ll never reach it!”

The Texas version of this riddle;

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To prove to an armadillo that it could be done.*

*I have friends here in Texas that have lived here all of their lives and have never seen an armadillo except dead on the side of the road.

Funniest part about that story is where he ‘quite undiscretely secretes the dildo into her suitcase’

I dunno; if I were her, I’d be worried about someone secrete-ing anything in my suitcase…

How do you tell if your new prison cell-mate is gay?

Check to see if he gets a hard-on when you’re fucking him.

Three old guys are sitting on a park bench. It’s cold and the wind is blowing, but none of them says a word. Finally, the wind blows one guy’s hat off. He says, “Sure is windy!” The guy sitting next to him says “Nope–it’s Thursday.” And the third guy replies “You’re right! Let’s go have a drink.”