I used to tell people I was the Commissar of Wild Horses.
I got quizzical expressions, but nobody ever questioned what that was. :eek:
Kelly Services for your Syntactical Maintenance Technician needs.
Alles klar?
Not really, no. Are you saying that at one point Kelly’s deal exclusively in female typists? They don’t say so on their site.
Searching “kelly girl” on the Kelly Services website takes you to this little tale wherein is seen how the concept of a “Kelly girl” came about.
I’m a Print Media Communications Facilitator.
What?
Oh OK, I’m a postal worker.
No lie, my actual job title is Berüfsbrauer. And I live and work in the United States.
Hmmm… refuse transfer technician? Nah, too obvious that I deal with garbage.
Driver/Sales representative? Technically true, but lacking style and panache.
I’ve got it! Vice-Lord and Demi-Master of Taking Your Stuff Away. It’s true and it implies all sorts of powers and authorities that I don’t actually have! I can just imagine future conversations:
“What’s that? You’re a senior manager? Well, I’m a vice-lord and a demi-master. Of taking people’s stuff none the less.”
Also: KlondikeGeoff, what were you when you called yourself ‘Commissar of Wild Horses’?
Well I’m a student, so Almighty Knowledge Sponge? Learnatrix? Grand High Watcher of her Betters?
Hmm, I sell books on an internet site.
Lead Internet Commerce Literature Specialist, with sprinkles!
I already have a stupid title: Head of Promotions and Creative Services
but i would much prefer to be: Goddess of the Blessed Asthetic
I have a friend who is a professional memeticist. I am not making this up.
Wow! I’m a former Syntactical Maintenance Technician (employed by Kelly Services, even). Who knew? And I just updated my resume.
No one really understands what I do and it’s hard to explain. It would be nice if my title were: She Who Must Be Obeyed (cuz people have been making me cranky lately).
GT
I was also a technical writer/editor (my preferred title), and I did a few contracts at IBM so I was once an “Information Developer” as well. But on a few contracts, I was also known as a “technical communicator,” a “documentation specialist,” and a “technical publications engineer.”
Still, writing instruction books for technology over and over and over again made me wonder if a certain other job title would have been more appropriate:
Manual Laborer.
During the time when worked at raising my children I once told a pretentious git at a party that I was a Domestic Engineer. “Oh, really?” “Yes, I manage a 7-unit facility, with a part-time associate.” “Hmmm…”
Introduced myself as a Petroleum Installation Engineer all the years I pumped at the full-serve station in HS, and Petroleum Distribution Engineer when I had a self-serve station.
The list of actual job titles I’ve held is no less pretentious - Systems Integration Engineer, Associate Systems Test Engineer, etc.
Aerial Gunner. Naw, that sounds lame.
Purveyor of Death and Destruction.
Better.
He makes people vomit for a living?
No, wait. That’d be an emeticist.
I’m an Erotic Engineer. 
I’ve been a number of things over the years:
· Financial Transaction Facilitator for a multinational recreational information provider[sup]1[/sup].
· Commercial Literature Production Manager[sup]2[/sup] which itself comprises numerous disciplines:
- Luminology[sup]3[/sup]
- Relational Output Processing[sup]4[/sup]
- Production Assets Maintenance[sup]5[/sup]
- Primary Image Processing[sup]6[/sup]
- Information Acquisition and Organization[sup]7[/sup]
- Post-Production Encapsulation and Transfer Logistics[sup]8[/sup]
· Client Services Communications and Information Agent[sup]9[/sup]
· Client Acquisitions Facilitator[sup]10[/sup]
· Semiconductor Technology Recovery Specialist[sup]11[/sup]
To name but a few of my lofty positions.
[1] Cashier at Coles book store
[2] Offset printer
[3] Ink mixing
[4] Bindery work
[5] Press cleanup
[6] Plate making
[7] Typesetting
[8] Packing and shipping
[9] Customer Service Rep
[10] Order taker
[11] PC technician
I petitioned long and hard to have my job description changed to “blowing peoples mind’s for a living”.
I like to refer to myself as a Comptroller or as Grand Visier of the “WOW” factory.
mm