Make Up Pretentious Job Titles

[groman]

@GargoyleWB

Yes, also being an engineer, I feel that the title has been watered down too much by other industries (sanitation, computer, etc) grubbing for our glory.

looks at business card “Application Engineer”

What the fuck does that even mean?! That doesn’t mean anything! I’m sorry GargoyleWB I seem to be contributing to the problem. Hell, I could probably steal your acronym, but I don’t want to. I propose a trade, I’ll start calling myself Application Technician and you design me something that gets me to Tokyo from San Francisco and back in under two hours (alive, happy and intact).

[Fetchund]

I already like mine… Horticulturalist, Canine Behavior Modification Specialist and Information Disseminator, and Horologist.

(I play with mud, dogs and gears.)

[Hogwash]

Back when I was applying for a week’s worth of work experience in secondary school, I referred to my stint as a paperboy under the title ‘Newspaper Distributor’. I think they were impressed.

[drachillix]

@RandMcnally

Aerial Gunner. Naw, that sounds lame.

Purveyor of Death and Destruction.

Better.

Distribution Specialist
High speed lead banking - direct deposit division.

[drachillix]

I enjoy Cheif Operating Officer myself, no need to expand upon it

reminds me of a little joke I heard somewhere:

When is a woman most likely to care for a mans company?

When he owns it.

[Musicat]

@Tristan

Shortly after graduating High School, and moving to Montana, I became a…

I thought you were going to say a Dental Floss Tycoon. With a Zirconium Tweezer specialty.

[AngelicGemma]

“Account and Financial Transactions Facilitator”

Customer Advisor for a bank. Or at least I will be from Monday.

[BarnOwl]

@Lightray

Thanks to this rather insipid Pit thread on coffehouse elitism some of my gray matter will not be forevermore clogged with the knowledge that the guy who pours up your fancy-schmancy coffee order is a “barista”.

I’ve become fascinated by this charmingly pretentious job title.

I want one.

I’m a chemical engineer in the lubricants industry. I’d considered “engineero” but it just doesn’t zing. Perhaps “lubricatrix”, were I a female lube engineer. Alas, no.

I’ll keep workin’ on my new job title. Come, join in the fun: what would your job title be if you wanted to convey your sneering contempt for the lesser mortals grubbing along at their little jobs?

hmm. “Chemiculator”, maybe?

So here you go:

Chemeleon

(I haven’t read the other posts, however. So someone else might have come up with this one ahead of me.)

[MrFantsyPants]

On my business card:

"Vice President In Charge of Crayons"

Not a bad job, all in all, but I am beginning the resent the wax ceiling.

[dwc1970]

I am an Aerospace Transit Coordinator, which means I’m a travel agent.

[KlondikeGeoff]

@Regallag_The_Axe

Also: KlondikeGeoff, what were you when you called yourself ‘Commissar of Wild Horses’?

Actually, Commissar of Borscht.

[theater_in_a_crowded_fire]

I like to tell people I’m a paragraph and photographic image manufacturing technician.
I’m a staff writer and photographer at the local newspaper.

[look_ninjas]

Actually, barista is a rather silly name for what I do, come to think of it. From now on, you can all call me “Goddess of the Foam.”

Go ahead, make the jokes. You know you want to.

[TroubleAgain]

I am She Who Watches the Watchers.

[sub]Supervisor of Technology Operations[/sub]

[Shalmanese]

Time Person of the Year aka Unemployed.

[catsix]

GargoyleWB said:
Yes, also being an engineer, I feel that the title has been watered down too much by other industries (sanitation, computer, etc) grubbing for our glory. I’m in aerospace, so I propose:

I was with you until you said ‘computer’ as if computer engineers are not real engineers.

I have the degree just like you do, so please don’t lump me in with a garbage collector.

Computer engineers are real engineers. Now if you want to exclude the MCSE variety, that’s fine, but they are not computer engineers. Computer engineers have to have at least a B.Sc.Engr in the field of computer engineering, TYVM.

And since I’m a software engineer, I have re-titled myself ‘Hacker’.

It’s effectively true: I hack code to make programs do what they’re supposed to.

[Barrington]

I’m out-of-work, with nothing on the horizon. This makes me a Research Ennuiologist.

[Silence_of_the_clams]

Well, I’m a nudist, since I’m a marine biologist working with nudibranchs (wish I had a business card )

[j_sum1]

I used to be a Domestic Refuse Disposal Facilitator. But most people called me a garbiologist.

[gigi]

@Spoons

Still, writing instruction books for technology over and over and over again made me wonder if a certain other job title would have been more appropriate:

Manual Laborer.

Hee hee. Nice.

I’ve heard my father’s dismay that there are fewer writers and editors now and more manuals are being written by the developers. That scares me, SDMB multi-talented company nonwithstanding.