Ok, so who has good tips on how to make the talking nice, or icebreakers with new ppl? I occasionally come up with a simple witty comment but after that I fail to keep the conversation going. Kinds like I need an oral viagra (err that metaphor just goes way wrong, forget it) so I can last longer in social situations.
Um, in 99% of the situations I find myself in, I take the initiative (i.e. the offensive), reach out my hand, introduce myself and ask “Where are you from? What do you do?”.
That usually get’s the ball rolling, and allows you a few sentences with which to gauge the other person’s intellect and what may/may not interest them.
There’s nothing witty about it. Just “put up [sub]a paw[/sub] or shut up”. Now if you’re talking about in a dating scene, that’s a whole other ball ‘o’ wax. That all depends on eye contact. But then again, the same opening “schtick” applies.
Tripler
Christ, I meet new people every single day. I’m getting kinda sick and tired of it.
I get the feeling blasphmer is having problems with people who don’t hold up their end of the converation.
If this is indeed the case I always go for the 20questions/interegation aproach. When I find that I have to do this I usually start off with where you from, then when they tell me, I try to get them to talk about that; like schools, cost of living, weather ect… usually from there you can find a commonality and the conversation becomes alot easier or at least you can get the other person to START TALKING.
Jeesh! I’ve been a salesman for too long. Why do I know all this crap? :smack:
(this works for both romantic and non-romantic situations)
If you get people talking about themselves and listen politely, you’ll have to do close to zero work keeping the conversation going. This worked for me in social situations and in my French 101 final.
Another vote for asking questions and listening to the answers. You’re ahead of the game: willingness to start the conversation is my main hurdle, since I’m actually pretty shy IRL. As SHAKES says, just ask a question and then ask follow-ups. I truly believe that the basic questions of talking to a stranger are the the same now as they were 30 years ago when I was in college: “where are you from, what’s your major…” Now it’s “what do you do,” but it’s the same thing – if it’s something you don’t know anything about, ask what’s involved, how they got into it, something like that – then listen to their answer and follow up on it. Or they’ll say “well, I’m an accountant, but my true desire is to become a sword-swallower in the circus,” in which case you’ve lucked on someone who’s definitely willing to do half the work! If they say, flatly, “I’m an engineer,” you can ask what kind of engineer, etc. Again, as SHAKES says, sooner or later the conversation just starts to flow.
GMRyugin is right – letting people talk about themselves makes you look like a brilliant conversationalist!
You could also try complimenting the person:
“Those are cool shoes - where did you get them?”
“I love this dish you made - what’s it called?”
I find this often gets the person talking. I agree with the notion that the aim is not to make small talk, but to get the other person to make small talk.
I can’t think of how many people I’ve met, gone through the 20 questions routine (“where are you from? What do you do? Oh that’s SOOOO interesting…”) and then promptly forgot as soon as they were out of sight. Why? because I don’t care about that shit. Other than identification purposes, It takes a little more to make a connection than "John/Jane Smith from the Upper East Side who works at MegaBank & Associates, LLP and graduated Ivy League State College in '97.
How about this idea? I’ve never actually tried it so I’m not sure how it would turn out. Bring up a subject that is slightly controvertial, but not like religeous controversial.
Example - You meet someone, find out they are from Boston, odds are they are a Sox fan.
-“Do you think the Sox will go to the series this year? I’m not sure if they have the ‘juice’”.
-“Of COURSE they will. blah blah blah”
Hopefully, you can get into a discussion ABOUT something in common instead of just taking down an application form in your head.
WARNING:
The Sox are a religeon to some people so saying something like “You like the Sox? They SUCK Yankees RULE!!!” will get you punched.
The goal is to get someone talking about something they are passionate about without getting into a full blown argument with them.
Sharing fun facts about various tropical diseases has always served me well during those pesky lulls in conversation.