Thanks to big_yellow_kingswoods’ rules, I only missed one on the urinal game!
Once again the SDMB has enriched my life 
I laughed so hard when I read that, a lung almost popped out.
And I think it’s okay to cheer when someone hits the urinal from 10 feet away. Technically cheering isn’t talking.
Three network engineers were all out at a customer site and happened to all end up in the bathroom at the same time.
The first washes his hands and grabs a handful of paper towels which he uses to dry every last drop of water from his hands.
“At 3Com, we’re taught to be thorough.”
The second washes his hands, grabs a single paper towel and using every last square inch of paper, removes every last race of water from his hands.
“At Bay Networks, we’re taught to be thorough AND efficient.”
The thirds zips up, and as he walks out the door past the first two,he says:
“At Cisco, we don’t piss on our hands.”
I’ve had a list very similar to yours at my website for some time. It’s rather amazing how similar they really are! I guess great minds do think alike, 'eh? 
So you guys read about someone taking urinal cakes from the urinals in a Monterey, Calif gay bar a couple years back? Hmmm…
Don’t say: “It looks like a penis, only smaller”
Also, a new calf law lets the opposite sex into restrooms–saw it on a sign in Solvang, calif.
Yeah, really funny. I had an image of the guy slightly bending his kness and breaking into something from Oklahoma! or Seven Brides For Seven Brothers.
A Japanese guy at the company I work for stands at the urinal with his arms folded across his chest, with his eyes closed and head back. I always thought that he was using his “down time” to meditate…
Not that women aren’t without their bizarre bathroom behaviors. What was with half the table of women leaving at the last LA SDMB Shindig to sue the restroom–and not come back for 30 minutes?? Do I really want to know what was happening there?
Anywho, I digress. My question is this: are the rules of etiquette the same for gay men? (Matt? Sqrl? Input needed…) It seems a lot of this has some sort of heterosexual overtones–“I’m straight, don’t even LOOK or TALK when I’m touching my wee wee!” So…what about gay men? Do they talk like nuts? (Or about their nuts?) Or do the same rules apply?
Now, I know that the bathroom is the scene for various hookups, esp. at gay bars, but I’m curious about what happens when the boys aren’t trying to get any.
So, Doobie, Sqrl, Greg, Matt…all my favorite homosexual boys, spill the beans and let us peek into the urinal etiquette of the gay world! 
That would be to use the restroom, USE it, not sue it. Although, I dunno, maybe they were suing it. Sure as hell were in there long enough.
Aside from talking…do not grunt, growl, moan, or whistle.
BTW just last week I saw a guy using a palm pilot while taking a leak…I decided to go into the stall.
And most importantly…no felching!
Since we are talking about bathrooms I think I will share a past toilet room experience.
I was at some gas station where I stopped off just for, well gas, during some road trip. I went inside to use the restroom. In the restroom was a couple urinals, two regular toilets and The Momma of All Public Toilets- The Handicapped Stall!!! Theses are the best. Lots and lots of leg room, personal sink, bars to squeeze when things do not come out as easily as they should. Man these are the best. Do they have these in other countries?? If I have the option, I will always go in that one for two reasons.
- They are so much bigger. I need ROOM!!
- I had never seen a wheelchair user actually use one of these before. I didn’t think I was hurting anything.
Well of course when I finished, there was this guy struggling to pull himself out of his chair and up against the urinal so he could take a piss. Man was he struggling. I felt like shit!!
'Course I still use those stalls when they are available!!
lol, that reminds me, the other day I went to use the bathroom, but some old guy cut me off and went in first. There were only two urinals in that bathroom so I waited outside for 5 minutes so that I wouldnt have to piss right next to the guy. Well I went in, and he was still standing there in front of it, arms outstretched, groping the urinal, kind of making noises and shuddering. I awkwardly stood next to him, pissed, went and washed my hands and dried them, and then all of a sudden I heard the guy kind of moan, and I ran out. I hope I dont get old.
Do you drop your voices though?? If so, that’s ok but if you continue in the same volume as in the bar, thats a no-no. Pissing is a time for introspection, and the one thing you don’t need is a couple of yahoos disturbing you.
And anyway, what were you doing going to the toilet in pairs?? That’s another rule: you go alone.
Ruffian, my gay friends have said that this is the case for them too, except in certain designated toilets (eg, Oxford st in Sydney).
With all these rules about not looking and keeping lots of space between pee’ers I have to ask: Why are there urinals at all? Where did they come from, when did the first appear? Guys don’t seem to really want to use them!
Also, what’s the rule about ‘flushing’ the urinal while peeing? Allowed? Or does it fall under the: who the hell are you fooling, we all know you’re takin’ a leak category.
Okay, some get so plottoed they pee on themselves … what’s the proper ettiquette here? Yell at the guy next to you, “Hey! Watch where you aim that thing!”; pretend you don’t notice; holler for toilet paper until someone fetches it for you; or descretely thrust the offending wet spot into the automatic hand dryer?
Talking isn’t allowed … does this rule extend to talking to one’s willie? And if one can talk to one’s self, is it acceptable to address your willie by it’s given name?
If you find yourself peeing in a stall toilet and from the stall next to you a voice asks if you has any toilet paper, what’s the proper response? Pretend you don’t hear; Unroll the paper enough so the groping hand from under the wall can find and retrieve it himself; or keep flushing till done so as to not hear the whinging of the paperless guy?
If you enter the loo and it really, really (really) ranks (i.e. stinks like 3-week dead horses covered in cow dung) what’s a guy to do? Leave and hope it clears up before your bladder bursts; take a deep breath and rush; go ahead but complain loudly while fanning your nose?
Lastly … does it matter if one or two hands are used and is shaking to get the last bit off bad form?
snickering and giggling is permissible, on certain occasions
Osan Air Base, Korea, 1987. All urinals being used at NCO Club so one guy uses the stall. Within seconds, an unholy wailing and moaning from same stall.
OH HOLY MOTHER OF GOD, THAT FUCKIN’ HURTS!! THAT FUCKIN’ WHORE, I’LL KILL THE BITCH! NOT AGAIN!! WHY ME???
(sounds of ragged urine stream and strangled moan)
AARRRGGGHHH!! JEEZUS! IS THAT A NORMAL COLOR!!??
By this time the entire urinal crowd was in tears. The Korean Love Bug had just claimed another victim.
I have known women who do this and my hubby tells me he has known guys that do that.
Where does one learn such behavior and why does one do such a thing?
Once while i was in a stall at work, I was experiencing some very noisy and painful gastric distress. A woman started hammering on my stall and yelling at me for being so rude as to make that kind of noise in a public place. WTF? What was i supposed to do?
While we are on the subject, what is it with these guys who flush the urinal constantly while peeing? I want to ask them to stop wasting water, but, “no talking”.
Lee: did you get your sig, re questions from my quote, re “wisdom”?
No, BlindFaithe, you may not talk to your willie. Can you imagine what it would be like if everyone did that? Walking into a toilet to the distant murmer of every occupant whispering to his prick. What would you say, anyway? words of encouragement?
And to hijack my own thread for a bit, how many people here actually have named their member?? Personally, I havn’t, but I’d be interested in hearing what names are chosen, and how the naming effects the relationship you have with your inner leg.
Also, two hands are not necessary, as it is occasionally advisable to steady yourself with one by leaning against the wall above the urinal. The Shake is an integral part of the toilet process designed not to leave a couple of mls of urine that leak out after you return jack to his box, thus staining the front of your pants and your reputation.
A previous G/F fell into the habit of callig mine ‘Henry’. Story is that I used – I say ‘used’ - to do a fairly reasonable shadow puppet impersonation of Winston Churchill smoking a cigar (to kind of get them in the mood……errr). Tip: Bedside lamps are great for this.
Anyway, the G/F and I started experimenting and the most successful was one using her glasses/spectacles. She reckoned I managed a separated-at-birth shadow puppet of Henry Kissinger. It was one of my proudest moments.
It’s not such a big (har!) deal, in my experience. In the club that I usually go to, the urinals are mere centimeters apart, and it’s not uncommon to accidentally brush the elbows of the guy next to you unless you’re so self concious that you stand up ridgid with your arms glued to your side (this is how you can tell who the straight guys are). Most of the time it looks like the guys aren’t too bothered, and most of the above “rules” aren’t applied.
This place has also installed little video monitors in front of each urinal that shows naughty pictures, in case (I assume) there isn’t anything more interesting next to you.
Because of the close proximity to your neighbor, you usually catch a glimpse of the adjacent organs in your peripheral vision. And if you wanted to look, the opportunity is usualy there & again, it seems to be no big deal. In a few occasions where I have found myself under “inspection”, I didn’t feel offened or anything. How was I supposed to react? (“Oh my GOD! Now that guy knows I have a penis!!”)
I see very few guys who are so self concious that they stand close enough for 100% privacy. You’d almost have to hug the urinal to do this anyway.
Now when I’m in a mixed environment, my attitude totally changes because I know that most guys do have hangups (see previous posts), and many of the above rules seem to be in full force. At work they actually have goofy little walls in between the urinals, believe it or not.