Mama’s gonna buy you a monster truck.
And if that monster truck won’t crush…
Mama’s gonna buy you a toilet brush.
And if that toilet brush don’t scrub…
Mama’s gonna buy you a grizzly cub.
And if that grizzly cub should maul…
And if that grizzly cub should maul…
Momma’s gonna make you ten feet tall,
And if you keep bumping you head…
Mama’s gonna buy you a king-sized bed
And if that bed gets a big old lump…
Mama’s going to put you on a camel hump.
And if that camel hump’s to big…
Momma’s gonna buy you a pot-bellied pig,
And if that pig makes an awful stench…
Mama’s gonna by you a greased up pig
And if that greased up pig won’t squeal
grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
And if that pig makes an awful stench…
mama’s gonna by you a serving wench
and if that serving wench won’t put out
Mama’ll get a crock of sauerkraut,
If that sauerkraut is spoiled…
Oh swampy, you love me really. 
Here ya go:
And if that greased up pig won’t squeal…
ticky’s gonna buy you a Dutch windmill!
Back to the game…
If the sauerkraut is spoiled…
Bush’s gonna get you Iraqi oil,
And if those Iraqi’s start to revolt…
Mama’s going to get you a tongue piercing bolt.
And if that bolt starts to look infected…
Mama’ll try to get your bowel resected,
If that bowel starts to necrotize…
If that bowel starts to necrotize…
Momma’s gonna buy you a spider for the flies,
And if that spider starts to bite…
Mama’ll sing “The Music of the Night”
And if the dopers start to boo…
Mama’a gonna buy you a pink tutu.
And if that pink tutu turns green
Mama’s going to put you in a sitcom scene.
If that sitcom scene isn’t funny…
If that sitcom scene isn’t funny…
Momma’s gonna buy your love with money,
And if you’re left with emotional scars…
What the hell, go hit the bars.
And if you end up in a dive…
And if you end up in a dive,
Mama’s gonna make you eat a bunch of chives