I’ve seen lots of cultural time devoted to coming of age, to the things women have to put up with, reproductively, to the comings and goings of marriage and relationships and whatnot.
What I HAVEN’T seen, probably because I wasn’t looking for it, was what happens, physiologically and emotionally, when MEN reach a certain age.
My testosterone levels are falling off. That’s actually pretty useful as it brings my libido in line with my wife’s (hers being nuked due to a combination of Menopause and brain meds that keep her happy and sane.). A conversation with the family Doc stated that, while testosterone therapy could bring the sizzle back, it could also increase my chances of cancer (having already experienced skin cancer…yay…I’m a little cancer risk averse).
Which brings me to the topic at hand. Letting go of an itch that’s been with you nearly your whole life, and the recognition as an outsider of a…well…dance you’re not longer a part of.
I’m not a person that lives with regret much, but there’s a certain “you’re no longer going to experience these certain things”…things that, based on being in a happy marriage and raising kids, I was never going to be a party to, and yet…it’s a path not taken, and based on my getting older, it’s not a path I’ll most likely ever take.
But then there’s the “you were never very attractive…and now, you don’t even have that” aspect that weighs heavier than I suspect it should. I mean, I’m not lookin’ so what’s the harm if nobody looks back?
I’m going to break this off before it becomes a bigger wall of text, but I can’t possibly be the only guy that’s dealt with this. Any suggestions or thoughts?
Live in your own moment, I hate that sounds so cliche’. But in the Big scheme of things sex is a very tiny part of your whole life. I think you are in mourning for the coulda, shoulda, woulda moments you’ve missed. Be happy!
I agree, for the most part. It’s also an open recognition of just how much of the world is concerned with ‘propagating the species’…and I’ve played my part, successfully, in doing so, but now propagating the species is done with me, I’m supposed to transfer gracefully into late-middle-age and that’s not happening well.
I don’t feel I’m in a position to give advice to a man in “manopause”, but quite a few of my middle-aged guy friends seem to go through something like what you’re describing.
OK - I hereby validate your manopause. Yes, it’s a thing. I wish society would better recognize that aging men have issues, too, instead of making a joke out of mid-life-crisis or whatever you want to call it. It doesn’t help that society discourages men from talking about or reflecting about their inner lives, but I can assure you that you are not alone.
I have some of the same issues, absent the need for hormone and psych meds. But at my age it’s unmistakable that biologically speaking, I’ve served my purpose and am no longer necessary. I try not to dwell on it and take my joy where and when I can find it.
I feel your pain. Hey, at 55 I can get it up fine, and after some time can cum, but I wouldn’t call it ejaculation: more like edribulation. It still feels great though.
The equipment works, and still works well enough, it’s just that it’s gone from a multiple times a week need when I was 20 to a ‘once every three weeks is enough, and even then, if it doesn’t happen, well that’s okay’ thing.
AFA Viagra is concerned, that misses the point entirely. It’s not that the equipment doesn’t work, it’s that the pilot light’s out. The impending, unending need to propagate the species, find someone attractive and screw 'em, be someone that fines you attractive and screws you…is gone, and with it the feeling that you’re a member in that race.
For those of you that are gettin it up and sowing your wild oats well into your 90’s…more power to ya, but that’s not what I’m experiencing from where I’m at, and my medical resources are saying ‘it’s not that big a deal, leave it be or risk cancer.’
My husband is one of them. He’s obsessed with our dogs – taking photos of them, posting them on Facebook, talking about them. He’s also obsessed, to a lesser degree, with his younger nieces and nephews. Every so often somebody says, “You don’t have children, do you?”
No, we don’t.
He would’ve adored being a dad. It just never worked for us.
From what I understand, Viagra doesn’t do anything related to hormones. It just effects a person’s vascular system in a way that causes an erection, which is actually a side effect. It was originally developed for … something heart related.
Women can take Viagra too. They take it recreationally. It effects their vascular system too.
Really? Whatever for? We don’t get stiffies, about the only thing that pushing my blood pressure up tends to do is make my nose run a bit more and make me feel like i missed my morning bolus of pills. <shrug>
mrAru is now in manopause [love the term] as well, though instead of hard gorilla sex we tend to have more long term romantic evenings with a single 45 minute/one hour encounter instead of 3 or 4 hard fast 15-20 minute encounters with recharging time in between. While the gorilla sex is fun, it is pretty hard on my body, with multiple joint and back issues, the more gentle form is more enjoyable for both of us.
