Is there an ideal age for marriage? If I’ve met the man I’ll love for the rest of my life, and I know I’ll eventually marry him…when is the right age to do it? I always planned to spend my twenties single, unattached…and I still cling to that hope…but I know I’ll be with him…and I love that…but do I want to be married in my twenties…it seems so soon…barely out of school, and already married? He thinks 25-26 is a good age…I wouldn’t mind waiting until we hit the thirties…and kids? that’s a whole other issue…he wants them sooner, I’d like them later…but I also don’t want to be too old when my kids grow up to enjoy them…where does one find the balance between too young, and too old? what is one to do???
I’m not married, so I don’t speak from experience. But I do have an opinion and need to boost my post count. I don’t believe there is an ideal age for getting married. I think you just know when it’s right. But, from the experiences I’ve had with my friends getting married, I think rushing into it is more dangerous than waiting. If you decide that 25-26 is a good age, or 18, or 30, when you get to that age, you start thinking you’re out of time and might do something you regret. I can tell you that I’d rather be unmarried at the age of 45, than settle for the best at the time at 25. All I can say is, if you’re not ready(which it seems abvious to me you’re not), don’t do it. If he really loves you, he’ll stick around. Just my $0.02.
This topic is better suited (suited? suitor? Hah!) for In My Humble Opinion. I’ll move it there.
One new bride every 10 years.
You can start at 10 if you live in India and count betrothed as a marriage.
But, don’t marry at 90! At that age, all they want is your money.
There is no best age for everyone. There are a few things to consider though. I think the biggest consideration is children. Do you both want them? Are you both in a position to help raising and educating them? Do you want to except the risks involved with late age childbirth (over 40)? My wife and I married later; we had one child right away and a second 8 years later. Mom’s body clock was ticking. We will be in our 6os when the children are both gone. Food for thought.
Never. Feel free to “live married”, just don’t actually do it. Marriage turns breaking up from something relatively simple into something really expensive and annoying.
“Marriage: Ideal Age?”
Older than me!!
Seriously, though…I don’t think there is one. Just when you’re ready. My little brother just got married. I used to feel that they were just too young (18 and 21), but I’ve reconciled the notion enough to think that it could be really wonderful for them to grow together. Basically, though, I tend think that it’s just a piece of paper. Not that you shouldn’t take a serious commitment seriously, but that state recognition does not a serious commitment make.
The kids thing is much more complicated. I’ve heard people who had kids late claim that they change your life so much that you should enjoy your younger years child-free while you can. And I’ve heard people who had kids early claim that they never would have had the energy to deal with them later, and that, more than that, it means that the kids are out of the house while you’re still young enough to enjoy life without them - and reap the benefits of your probable state of greater financial security, etc. - i.e. you can now afford to travel, and aren’t such an old geezer that you don’t enjoy it anymore.
My grand answer to the difficult questions in life:
I just dunno.
18 for me, 21 for hubby worked for us. 15 worked for my great-grandmother, i think her husband was 25 at the time. My husband’s grandmother was 19 and her groom was 16 when they were married. I mention these because they seemed happy together and not bitter, and their marriages lasted until death did they part.
I think the key is wanting to be married not just wanting to get married, and to be flexible to accommodate someone else. Being young can help this. I knew after going shopping once with my husband that we belonged together always.
There probably isn’t a right age, but i’d say there is a correct state of mind.
If you can no longer think about being with another person, if you think of your partner as an unmovable part of your life, if the idea of not being with that person physically pains you, I would say you’re fairly ready. Honestly though, these days marrage isn’t really what it was years ago. People don’t wait until they’re married to have sex, live together, etc. All you have to do (in BC anyway) is live together for six months and you’re married in the eyes of the law, anyway. Marrage is just a formality, really.
I view it as more than that, though. Just being “together” makes it easy to break up. Belive it or not, that isn’t really a good thing all the time. If it’s that easy, you could easilly end a relationship that is perfectly fine but hit a rough spot. Being married gives you a REASON to fix problems in a relationship. Unfortunately, it also causes some people to stay in abusive relationships… although i’d wager these people would stay in the relationship for the same amount of time, married or no.
Having kids is a totally different matter. My mother had me when she was 22 (my dad was 32), and she’s currently quite happy about it. She’s still young enough to enjoy life. The old man is as well, though, and he was quite a bit older when I was born. The difference is my mother is going to have an extra 10 years until she starts to slow down. Which would you prefer?
Myself, i’d love to have kids in a few years. Say around 24 or so. I would have liked to be married already, but heck, these things don’t always happen when you want them to.
Good luck!
-niggle
I am shocked to know of people my age (21) getting engaged or married. It seems to me that they are getting married too soon, in my HUMBLE OPINION. I always pictured people being better off just staying single until they were about 28 or so. I think by then you could be very settled down and have some sort of firm financial foundation to take care of the spawn, I mean children.
The ideal age is whatever age you are when you fall in love.
Or right before you get ugly.
9 months.
Before the baby is born. 
“You’re what??”
Seriously, it depends on the couple.
My sisters who are both married and in their 30s, say that after 27 is the best time to get married. At different times they both had the same explination…at 27 a person has a better idea of who they are and what they want.
I don’t totally agree with my sisters on the specific age, but I do agree that people should wait until they know what they want out of life. IMHO, I believe people get married too soon and change and then end up regretting not being able to grow in their own way. Marriage means compromise which means personal sacrifice and I believe doing that to yourself too young can have detrimental (sp?) effects. Just my opinion.
BTW, I am 22 and even though I am in a fairly serious relationship, I don’t plan on getting married anytime soon.
Mrs. Nipples and me got married when we were 22. Looking back, I’d say that that was too young. I’m certainly not the same person I was at 22. I’m not the same person I was at 30. I’m pretty sure I’ll be somewhat different when I’m 40.
People bring baggage to a marriage. The older you are, the more skills you have to deal with that baggage.
It was tough for us 4 or 5 years into it, but we got through it and we’re going on 14 years Aug.11th.
Yikes. I’m sure that things were different back then, and all, but…
Great Grandpa comes off like a bit of a perv.
Probably late 20s-early 30s. Definitely not 18. My former best friend got married right out of high school at that age to a 25 year old. IT SCREWED HER LIFE UP. He comes from a family/religious background that believes “a woman’s place is in the home,” and because of this she is basically being forced to give up her after college career plans. I don’t even know if she’s still attending college. But no man in the world is worth giving up your college education or career for.
Just from observation the most successful mariages I have seen were guy 30-36, chick 25-30.(or both 50+) I really haven’t seen very many guys in there 20’s get married for the right reasons, usually it is cause of pregnancy, or lust misinterpreted as true love,or the chick felt that she was supposed to be married by “now” and pressured until he gave in. 20 year old guys still need to do a lot of really stupid things, and if they are married at the time they do them, other people have to deal with the consequences, rather than just screwing themselves over and learning something. and getting married before 22 for anybody usually just leads to resentment about what was missed.
Am I the only one who chose to settle down at 18 with the right guy and am still happy in my 30s?
Lee, I hope not. Cuz that’s the road I’m headin’ down.