So I’m getting ready to pop the big question! But having never done this before, I need a few tips.
When I asked my girlfriend’s parents to marry their daughter they said yes, but they also mentioned I should talk to my parents about it first too. Is the man supposed to consult his parents before asking the woman to marry him?
This also leads me to another question. My parents are currently out of town, and will be for about a week. I want to propose in about 12 hours. I would like to tell my parents the results in person, but if I wait until they get home, they will be the last ones to know and I wouldn’t want them to feel slighted because of it.
So I’m looking at 3 different options I think.
Propose and tell my parents over the cell phone.
Propose and wait until they get home and tell them in person.
Wait until they are in town again and do it.
And, if I need to talk to my parents before marrying, I guess that is option 4, because then I would definitely have to wait until they got home. What do you all think?
Also, I asked my her parents on saturday. Is proposing so quickly afterwards okay, or is their some sort of acceptable time period between when you ask and when you propose? Thanks!
I am assuming from your tone that you are a young couple and that this is the first marriage for both of you. It would be nice to let your parents know about your plans. I’d suggest calling them first, telling them what you are planning. Don’t wait too long after discussing the matter with your anticipated in-laws-to-be to pop the question. They are probably in an incredible amount of suspense. It will also decrease the amount of time in which they might accidentally let something slip.
We are a young couple, I am 22, she is 24, and this is a first time for both of us. It probably would be a nice idea to tell them what I’m planning over the phone. But, like lobotomyboy63 mentioned, I don’t feel like I need their permission. Whether they liked her (which they do) or not, I would ask her regardless. I think I am going to go ahead and ask her today, and either call my parents with a post proposal report.
These days, the decision is purely between the spouses-to-be. However, as a matter of courtesy, you should tell all the parents involved – though I think it should be after you’ve decided, not before, and it should not be asking their permission (since you don’t need their permission, being grown-ups). My son-in-law certainly did not ask my permission, and even back in the Dark Ages, when I got married, I didn’t ask permission of my mother-in-law-to-be (my wife’s father being dead, and hence not available for permission-seeking).
Interestingly, the fiances-to-be of both my daughters spoke with my husband and me prior to proposing. We were ecstatic. However, if either daughter had come to us and told us she had just accepted a proposal of marriage, we would have been equally overjoyed and would not have objected. We just thought it demonstrated a high degree of thoughfulness on the part of the young suitor.
I also have no doubt that if we had said “Hell, no, you creep!” they would have married anyway.
Back in the day, when my husband and I decided we wanted to get married, we spoke with my parents together. They said they thought it was a terrible idea. Privately, my folks told me, “You can do better than him.” His parents told him “You can do better than her.” We married anyway. That was over 40 years ago.
My BIL took my dad downstairs to say that he and my sister wanted to get married but he wouldn’t do it without their ok. That was 1988. I think it’s good that you spoke to her parents first, certainly you don’t NEED their permission, but it’s nice you put it the way you did.
I have a 22 year old daughter and some day fairly soon I’m sure I’ll have the same talk. I know this guy well enough to know that when it gets to that, he’ll talk to us, probably the same way.
This may be just me, and in any case, it’s too late, but I would have been quite upset to learn that my fiance told anyone he was planning to pop the questions before he told me–especially my parents.
On the flip side here. Just before Christmas last year, I was told by my daughter that her then-boyfriend was going to ask my permission to marry her. I waited & waited. It really screwed up my holiday. In my opinion, don’t do this.
In the end he did not ask - he just invited us to his parents for a “joint birthday party” for the two of them. I told him that if he really thought that would give him cover for a surprise “pop the question”, he underestimated my daughter. When he gave her the ring, she played the surprised part well, though.
I would hope that the OP knows his girlfriend well enough to discern if she’d be upset by it.
My husband called my parents for their blessing (not permission) before he proposed. It wasn’t necessary, but it was a sweet gesture and I wasn’t offended in the slightest.
I kind of gathered from what we talked about while dating that she would want me to talk to her parents first. I think it worked out well.
I also got in touch my parents this morning and told them. They were surprised but excited. They didn’t know what to say. My dad asked me “if I was sure” and then I told him I was positive, then he asked me “if I had given her a pre-test” to make sure if she was sure. My mom told me not to be disappointed. :rolleyes:
Today we went on a golf cart ride around Peachtree City and then had a picnic lunch. After the lunch we were just talking. I decided it was the right time, told her a few things and then got down on one knee and asked her to marry me. She was completely surprised by it! She immediately said yes and was thrilled.
Congratulations! I’m glad the whole thing worked out.
I got engaged back in late 2006, and I got the following reactions from family when I told them:
Mom: Really?
Brother #1: No way. You’re kidding, right? Oh, congratulations! (Same brother said “Hmmm, I thought you’d be taller” when meeting my fiancé. Yeah, tactfulness doesn’t really fun in the family.)
Brother #2: Cool.
Dad: [rambling for 20 minutes about how that’s nice and he really doesn’t know what to say other than congratulations]
