Very much seconded. I guess many men have learned to be dead silent back when they were teenagers and their room’s doors were paper thin, but man a silent guy is such a turn-off.
I had to make multiple requests to my current male partner to please, PLEASE let me give him head, and please, PLEASE come in my mouth at least sometimes, please.
He seems to enjoy it just fine, but had a hard time getting over feelings of selfishness and balancing it with his desire for other activities.
But we talked it out-- I explained how exciting and genuinely pleasuarable I find giving oral sex (which he was ultimately sympathetic too, since he enjoys going down on me) and he talked about what specific actions on my part make him feel most loved and what he finds satisfying to his libido. (He hardly ever wants to skip intercourse but is willing to finish in my mouth sometimes; I’m often perfectly happy to just trade oral but can certainly get into having penis-in-vagina sex with the right build up.) Discussing and understanding each others preferences and feelings made the sex that followed much, much more enjoyable.
Now, I’m only 26, never been married (heck, I’ve only been seeing this guy since January, and we’re emphatically not committed to each other) but I do know communication is crucial to so many aspects of a functional, honorable relationship. I’d strongly suggest you get over the notion that asking for something makes being given it insincere or in some other way less enjoyable and talk out your desires with your wife.
There are so many different ways people show that they care for another person (I think the “love languages” thing is a solid theory often dressed up in overspecific self-help-y nonsense, but it’s worth reading up on) that telling someone how to best get the message across doesn’t invalidate the message itself.
I’m almost 30, been with my wife for six years, married for nearly four. Oral sex is generally her way of telling me that she wants to get to the down and dirty, they’re part of almost every sex session (except the quickie), and any time I seem to be interested I can opt for the full blowjob and swallow treatment.
I’m with the apparent majority, even though you didn’t ask for advice–ask for a blowjob. Hell, tell her what you told us – “I miss getting blowjobs, but I don’t like asking for them because it makes me feel better if I feel like you’re just giving me one just 'cause.” Have a discussion, y’know, communicate.
Yes. Last night in fact. We’ve been married 11 years now, and more often than not a blowjob is part of our regular sex life.
I’ve been married a few years and can count on one hand the number I’ve had till completion. My wife doesn’t like it but does it because she knows I enjoy it. But I don’t like to ask her because I know she doesn’t like it. I love her and don’t want to put her in a position of doing anything she doesn’t want to. So yes, I could ask. And she might be willing. But then I can’t really enjoy it because I know she’s really not enjoying it and it makes me feel guilty. I love her in all other ways and I knew getting married that blowjobs would be few and far between. For the most part, I’ve resigned myself to the fact that I’m probably done. Doesn’t make it any easier or less frustrating when you’re used to getting them on a regular basis as I was before I met my wife.
Yes, but don’t tell my wife. 
(j/k, I’m not married)
S^G
Heh, same here.
I actually did give my husband a full blowjob once (when we were dating), tried to swallow and ended up throwing it up a little. That was not something either of us wanted to repeat, so now I pretty regularly go down on him for a few minutes before we have full intercourse. I enjoy it as long as I’m pre-orgasmic.
If it tasted bad enough to make you want to throw up before you swallowed that’s one thing. Maybe he needs to change his diet. But don’t feel that a great bj has to end with swallowing. Hell, even things that taste good might not be things I want to swallow. People complain about the texture of foods for a reason.
I know some guys get off on swallowing. I’m not one of those people. But even if I were, a great bj that didn’t end in swallowing would be a good compromise for having a bj in the first place.
My wife and I have been together 37 years. Given that the first 10 years of our marriage I was still on Active Duty in the Navy and away from home a lot, our sex lives were satisfactory. Seven years after I retired, she was diagnosed with cancer. Many things changed, often all at once, usually in increments. She has been cancer-free for over 15 years, but most of the changes that occurred have not returned…most notably, our intimacy. The OP asks what is normal for oral sex in 36 year marriages. For me, sex of any kind hasn’t been the norm since about 1999, let alone blow jobs. So I guess that’s normal now. You deal with it.
You’re wrong about that. You seem to equate asking with begging. Sometimes one partner is very interested in something, and the other is happy to oblige if he or she knew. That goes for all sorts of things.
I’m not there, can’t be sure, but it would seem the saddest possible state of affairs to be in a marriage where your partner, after decades, just “didn’t know” you liked oral sex, whether it was because you completely failed to convey your feelings about it, or your partner completely failed to comprehend your expression.
I give my boyfriend a LOT less blow jobs than I used to.
Reasons:
His dick tastes like pee and other disgusting tasting things.
He has an odd shaped dick that isn’t circumsized, which he doesn’t clean very well.
There is no action he can perform in return for me.
I drink a lot less now, which made it easier.
He used to come really fast, but now takes FOREVER
He wants me to dirty talk and say things I think are silly. I just can’t take it seriously and without laughing.
Ugh, this is depressing…
My husband and I have been together for nine years, married seven. I agree with the posters who said it ought to be reciprocal. Not in a get off, turn over and go down on her kind of way, but give and take when the mood strikes. I still give him lots of blow jobs, whenever I feel like doing it. And I still get lots of oral from him, whenever he feels like it. Neither one of us has ever asked for it, I wouldn’t be able to get off if I thought he wasn’t really into it, but when it’s his idea, OH MY! And when I’m in a giving mood, I’m enjoying it as much as he is. Although he’s one of those silent types, and I’m not, so it’s practically always a hummer, cause I’m moaning so much. Damn it, now I’m horny and he just left for work…
How the hell are you supposed to talk with a dick in your mouth? 
Reminds me of a snark I think I read on this board- an asshole says in front of his friends that it’s hard for his GF to talk with his dick in her mouth, and she smiles sweetly and says “No it’s not, I just tuck it into my cheek and it’s like it’s not even there!”
To answer the OP- yes, I’m still getting them. We’ve known each other for over 20 years and have been married for almost 11, and I get them a couple times a week to completion. As foreplay/position change/non-completion, I get oral just about every time we have sex.
For us, ‘blowjob’ means completion and swallowing, or pulling out at the last second for an explosion that sort of goes all over both of us. ‘Oral’ is usually just a foreplay session, or as a way to change positions during a longer session (start out with oral on me, then on her, then intercourse, then repeat until one or both have finished.)
In fact, I’d say that the frequency of blowjobs to completion has increased the longer we’ve been married. Without going into too much description, a few years ago we found a more comfortable position for her which enables her to do her thing for much longer without hurting her neck. The benefit was twofold- she was much more willing to voluntarily give me one since she knew her neck wouldn’t be sore in 10 minutes, and the longer she did it, the more it turned her on. So about once a month she begins a nice long session that results in her getting off on it before me, then she continues until I’ve finished.
As for what’s normal, that’s a much more difficult question to answer. I can only tell you what’s normal for us, not for the general population.
Yeah, I gotta agree.
Sounds like you need to either re-think your relationship or have a serious conversation about getting your most fundamnetal needs met… like the need to have sex with someone who isn’t repulsively unclean.
Considering your user name and your SO’s cleanliness issues, is he an inmate or something?
I think he likes when I talk with my mouth full 
Thanks for the advice, yeah, we do need to talk…
Oh my! It does sound that bad! He’s not in jail, but he does work in a mental institution…
I don’t need my woman to finish a bj to completion; nor her swallowing; it wouldn’t make it any more special to me, unless that is something she wanted, but I do like bj’s regularly, and glad she likes to do it. I actually prefer to finish up in a warm, wet vagina.
There hardly isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for my woman, but I’d stop short of a few things. One would be if I had a woman that ejaculated large volumes, and she expected me to finish her up with me down there while she was ejaculating. And what if she also wanted you to swallow it? Some of these women are capable of ejaculating pints, some up to a quart, and can shoot it distances of 6-8 feet or so, and no, it’s not pee, as was once believed. Some can do this multiple times in one sitting.
Out of own curiosity, how many guys could handle staying down on a woman like that till completion, not to say nothing of swallowing it? What brave soul has a story to tell? :eek: