"Marry Our Daughter" -- Please tell me this is a joke ... .

While checking out the latest at Dark Roasted Blend, I stumbled on Marry Our Daughter.

Ick, ick, ick. It’s a fundamentalist matchmaking site where Christian parents can post pics and bios of their teenage daughters (some as young as 13) along with how much dowry they’re worth.

Here’s one fifteen-year-old girl’s bio:

“Kimberly was raised from birth knowing that her place in life was to be a good wife and mother and she might as well get started on that now. She knows God put her on Earth to serve her husband like it says in the Bible and we’ve made sure she knows exactly how to do that.”

Please, someone, tell me this is the most deadpan parody site ever.

That’s disgusting.

Snopes is doubtful. It positively reeks of “hoax site.”

Find one thats over 18, with a butt-load of money to back it up and post that link. Then I’ll click. Till then, nah.


It’s fake as fuck. No actual service like that would have such high-quality webpage design.

Oh, come ON. Took me a third of a second to realize it was a joke.

Most amusing joke. As someone on the snopes board pointed out, age of consent laws vary from state to state.

Serious question though, would something like this be legal, assuming all the girls were of legal age to marry in their states? It seems like it shouldn’t be but I can’t think of any law they’d be breaking.

Love the testimonials:

I thought, “joke.” So I went to the forms. Huh. They sure seem serious.

I went through the various sections, becoming disturbingly convinced that someone had managed to convince a bunch of Anglos to embrace bride-price instead of dowry.

Until finally I found the “Testimonials.” Good Lord. I’m 80% positive it’s a joke.

Where do I sign up?


The testimonials are a mistake if they want to fool people. They pushed me into “fake” terrirtory pretty much immediately.

I see Gabriella has the lowest “bride price” on the opening page. It’s easy to see why she’s been marked down: “she graduated high school a year early and intends to go to college so her husband would have to be okay with that”. Plus she’s already 17 - by that age they’ve started to get minds of their own.

Somebody could fill out the proposal form and see what happens.

But yeah, the testimonials are pretty fake-sounding.

My 12 year old niece is a real spoiled pain in the ass - how much do you think her parents could get for her? Never mind - they can afford their own pools and cars, so they don’t need to [del]sell[/del] marry off their daugher anyway.

(The Google ads I’m getting are “Date and Screw My Wife,” “Make Him Fall In Love,” and “666 - Mark of the Beast” - I think Google’s in on it!)

“Wow. Stone Philips. I wasn’t expecting you. You look older in person…”

So are the names on the contact page. Jarrod Hightower? Bill Wallington? Roger Mandervan? Gimme a break. They sound like names straight out of a bad romance novel.

Personally, this is my favorite.

A small part of me wants to propose to one of them just to see what happens, but on the small chance that it’s legit, I’m taking no chances.

But for less than half of what she’s going for, you can have Samantha, who “can hunt, fish and shoot and drive with the best of them, quote sports stats from any team you’d like to mention, and can hold her own in a cussing contest.”

The domain was registered this year and supposedly they already have testimonials?

It’s as real as the Bonsai Kitten.