I had the privilege of witnessing this last night – again. Most of the people I know have seen this at one time or another. Only this time I think the guy had something draped over his lap, so that nothing was visible (except the “tent” he was pitching). Obviously, if nudity is involved, he could be charged with indecent exposure. But what if the guy isn’t exposing himself? Could he still be charged with a moving violation?
I don’t know, although some municipalities outlaw driving while talking on a cell phone, don’t they? Something called “distracted driving” or something like that.
I imagine that flogging the wookie would count as driving while distracted. So if there was a local law about that, they could nail you.
You have no idea how funny that last sentence is, considering the context of the conversation, do you? heehee
Regardless of the actual “offense” I would think that the mere act of reporting his name and “offense” in the local newspaper, though, should be sufficient punishment to prevent him from doing it again, and it may help prevent others, too.
However, I would also think that if he is doing a good enough job, he would certainly be risking a nasty little accident during the climax. Imagine trying to explain that to the insurance weenies.
that’s right how’s he gonna explain his windscreen suddenly becoming whitewashed?
“The windshield was fogging up and I ran out of Rain-X.”
“It calms me down and I’m less likely to get road rage.”
“OMIGOD, I thought this car had a manual transmission!”
“My rear view mirror fell off and I needed something to glue it back on with. Why yes, officer, it does seem to be securely attached to the windshield. UH, worked pretty well, I guess.”
OMG, heresiarch, you gave me the best laugh of the evening! 
As for the topic: at college, there was some weird guy who would drive around at night and pull up to cute girls to ask directions. When/if they approached the car to help, they would discover him, um, “wrestling the bald-headed champ.” From what the police blotter suggested, his crime was indecent exposure, not reckless driving. Dunno if this is true for all cases.
(BTW, as far as I know they never caught the guy.)
Thanks Heresiarch! Those were some great answers. But did they work? Just joking.
While I was a Campus Bycicle Patrol Officer, we did apprehend one such fruit cake. But it was quite a chase, he knew he was wrong and wanted out of there pretty badly. As I recall, it was indecent exposure. Although, on a State University or College campus the punishment is harsherthan on a private campus.
Lets hear some more explanaitions people…
I used to do that fairly regularly on my ride home from work. I don’t anymore, though, since it’s a much shorter drive and I’m driving home during daylight hours.
They have fairly generic laws that can apply to all of these little unexpected situations, so long as the person is dangerous, like “reckless endangerment” or “reckless driving”
I think the proper etiquette should approximate using a cell phone on the road. Your best experts reccommend pulling off to the side before “dialing the old cell phone”.
A girlfriend once gave me a blowjob on the highway. Everything was great till we hit the toll booth. And, driving through a cloverleaf caused a little meltdown of the old butter stick, if you get my drift. To my occasional regret we both got a little scared, and didn’t finish til later. But I’m alive!
UK police have prosecuted people for eating chocolate bars whilst driving - a man in Hampshire was given a fixed penalty ticket for eating a Kit Kat (which his wife had unwrapped, as I recall). The fact that he only had one hand on the wheel was considered to be “a threat to road safety”. (Incidentally, in this particular incident the man was let off on appeal, as the policeman’s superiors decided that the action was over-zealous.)
I am assuming that a similar notice could be issued by US police to the monkey-spanking driver.
yojimboguy - was this a deliberate pun? 
Hahaha!
This tpic should be closed for sheer humor value. You guys are driving me batty, this is so silly.
I might have to do a search on other threads heresiarch has responded to.
My gawd man, that was funny as hell.
Here’s another vote for fucket seats.
Similar things do happen, a driver was stuck in a major traffic jam and had not moved his car for 2 hours he got a sandwich and took a bite when a police patrol went past and charged him with that road saftey thing.
Do you people drive trucks, or what? I’ve heard of this kind of stuff, but how do you see someone’s lap from another car?
I see shoulders easily, elbows very rarely. But laps? Really?
I have personally witnessed this while being a passenger in a van with my friend and his uncle , the guy had his foot on the dash.
Dagnabbit, people! Coming and going do not mix!
My wife used to do that on our regular drives between Chicago and Lansing, MI when we were engaged. We would try to time it to end near the exit for Climax, MI.
Arizona has a law against Distracted Driving. Masturbating would undoubtedly count.