I was inspired by this to ask: what are the euphamisms you use for masturbation?
e.g.
- choking the chicken
- strangling kojak
- turning japanese?
What are the funniest?
turning japanese?
I’m guessing by the question mark you don’t understand it either… anyone know what it’s alluding to? 
Scoring the bullet - Coined after I made the startling revelation that a clit is about the same size as a .22 rifle slug.
Rubbing one off - This is my standard battlecry, so to speak.
Fapping - I’m really starting to dig this and may try to work it into my vocabulary.
Petting the bean - An ex used this and I never spoke to him about masturbation again. shudder
Countdown to thread locking…five…four…three…two…
…or perhaps I’m speaking out of place…
Spending time with my electronic boyfriend.
On a tangent, RexDart has 1234 posts. Neat.
Turning Japanese: An offensive racial stereotype. The idea is that as a guy masturbates and approaches orgasm his eyes become “squinty” and he simulates buck teeth. Think 1940s Bugs Bunny cartoons that depict Japanese.
Flogging the bishop
bopping the baloney
phoning the Tzar
romancing the bone
Jocelyn the elder.
ROTFLMAO*
Taking old one eye to the optomitrist(sp)
Flogging the log
Making mayonaise
Priming the pump
IDBB
Not bad, especially coming from a girl!
Offensive? I didn’t think it was offensive. From what I have heard, it refers to the squinty eyes, not so much the buck teeth.
no spanking the monkey yet?
gotta go meet a stranger…(you sit on your hand till it is numb… close your eyes…get it?)
Shaking hands with the unemployed
Making a stop at the self-service pump
Saying Hi to my monster.
Clubbing the Marlin. Which devolved to “I’m going to Club Marlin tonight” whereby all the guys sniggered, and all the gals thought you were heading out for a hip dance club.
There’s a whole song with them.
Hal
Double Clicking Her Mouse
Playing with the Little Man in the Boat
“Checking the little box,” ala the sitcom “Coupling.”
IDBB, why do you put little stars after your acronyms? Just curious.
I managed to make Strangling Tiberius the preferred term with certain people of my aquaintance.
Packing up the circus
Writing your own checks
A few from a list of over 50 in the Beavis and Butthead Ensucklopedia:
dishonorable discharge
doing some rapid one-arm pull-ups
fist-kebabing
getting your palm red
gunning the motor
launching the hand shuttle
measuring for condoms
pud wrestling
roughing up the suspect (my personal favorite)
shaking the thermometer
staff meeting
tossing the javelin
walking the log