Wellllllllllllll you’re going to be a close personal acquaintance of a “Mariah”.
BRING ON THE SQUID, BOYS!!
Welcome Jeff. Say, are you the same Jeff from that Men in Black movie? If so, I loved you in that part!
The squid is quite capable of bringing herself on, so to speak.
:: shudder ::
Yes, but they changed just enough of my life story that I couldn’t sue for damages. Frakking hollywood big-budget sci-fi-comic-book-to-movie-adaptions ruined my life!
Wait a minute. I never got to meet the squid! I love tentacled things. You’re saying I had the opportunity to experience something tentacled but never did?
grumble grumble
Welcome, Jeff. Or Welcome back. Whichever suits you. No hard feelings, I swear.
Welcome. Have a margarita - you’ll need it. Try not to step on the cats.
An Ode to Jeff,
Welcome Jeff
You’ll like it here
Even though we’re awful queer
I mean that in the funny sense
Please excuse me if I’m dense
You say you’re Scottish, that’s awful sweet
Sucking on a young lamb’s teat
Have you ever had the dish called Haggis
Personally it reminds me of Rick Moranis
in the sense that he makes me want to vomit
In the opposite sense I watch Wallace and Gromit
I’m sorry this poem is rambling
Twisting and turning the internet brambling
I’m going to go now but welcome sir
May you truly live long and prosper, prosper.
If you want the squid, it clearly is not the appropriate experience for you.
Think back to that blank spot in your memory, and the events just after it. You may get some clues as to what actually happened.
Welcome to the boards!
Who’s got the goat?
You gave her to the goat, instead? That’s a horrible thing to do to poor olives!
It’s not everyone who’s welcomed with poetry, Jeff. You should feel honored. Don’t let the squid scare you. She’s really very…errrrrrrrrrrm…affectionate.
Welcome!
GT
Excuse me?
I don’t do goats.
[sub]Except as squid food.[/sub]
At Straight Dope Message Board, members do not do goats. Goats do . . . . well, what do goats do? They eat paper and tin cans, and they butt things.
It has possibilities. 
Welcome!
Just out of curiosity, are you the same Jeff that joined in 2001, or have you been mind-melded to someone else?
Not that it matters – glad to have another Kanukistani aboard.
It won’t matter…
[Groundskeeper Willie]
There’s nary an animal alive that can outrun a greased Scotsman!
[/GW]
By virtue of the fact that you have 144 posts in less than 24 hours and a join date of 2001, I suspect this is a Welcome Back Kotter thread.
We’re glad you finally hunkered down and doled out the $14 smackeroos.
Welcome back!
Close, I have him tied up in my basement. He says hi.
Actually it’s more like mmmph-mmmph mmmmmmmmmmuph.
And Autolycus, I’m honored. Your poem almost makes up for the nervousness I feel at my impending ententacle-ation.
edit: and thanks to all for the warm welcome!
Ssssshhh! Put away them bagpipes! You might awaken the squid!
I’m Kotick byt he way (shakes hands), the emergency exits are here, here and here. No, wait, we don’t have any. You are stuck here just like the rest of us. The trick is to not disturb the squid (laughs nervously, fades away into the shadows).
You know, we aren’t supposed to tell everyone about the initiation animals. The squid and goat are least of your worries, Jeff. Just don’t go into the back room with anyone saying they’re part of the membership committee.
All seriousness aside, welcome. Glad to see another Pacific Northwestern here. We’ll be taking over the board soon. Oh, I probably shouldn’t have mentioned that…
And now, the frottage!