May Mini-Rants

The BBQ Pit
161

Dear God(s) of Plumbing,

You suck. Royally. I have a plumber on autodial thanks to you. You fucked up last 4th of July’s vacation by causing a sewer back up on the day I was to leave. This is, of course, in addition to you screwing with the kitchen sink, causing a flood underneath. There was also the time when you decided to BREAK a pipe under the bathroom sink, flooding the basement and ruining furniture and carpeting.

Today, like right now, I’m supposed to be on the road to the cabin to celebrate Memorial Day and my birthday. But I’m not.

I’m waiting for a damn plumber to come fix the fucking hot water pipe for my bathroom sink that broke sometime today, causing me to have yet ANOTHER lake in my basement. Of course it’s IN the wall. Not down in the basement where it’s easily accessible.

I JUST paid off my car repairs, and you decide you’ve been ignored for, what, 6 months? It’s time to play?

FOAD.

162

I’m reasonably certain that I’m mildly allergic to mangoes.

I thought it was just if I ate a whole bunch of them (my dad used to get them from costco, so there would be like 30 ripe mangoes in the house at a time and he would get really pissed if they were wasted) and that it was because I didn’t eat them daintily enough and got the juice everywhere. Every time we would have mangoes, my lips would swell up and get red and painful.

Well. I had one mango yesterday. Ate it like a proper lady, in little slices. Tried to make sure it didn’t even touch my lips. Figured I’d be fine because it was just a reaction to eating too much too messily, and not really to the mangoes themselves.

And today I look like the Octomom with my giant lips and they hurt like hell.

To be allergic to mangoes is an extremely sad thing.

163

DO NOT eat mangos again without consulting a doctor. Swelling around the mouth can lead to swelling of the tongue, which can cut off your airway and kill you. I’m serious, mouth edema is dangerous.

164

An even sadder thing is to suffer a premature and preventable death by failing to avoid contact with known allergens.

Listen to mischievous. Based on your description of the event, it looks like your sensitivity has developed to a point where you shouldn’t even touch a mango with your hands.

165

:frowning: thank you. That’s sad, but helpful. I won’t risk it anymore.

Oh mangoes. So sweet and juicy and deadly.

I did do some research and apparently mangoes are related to poison ivy, so some people have reactions to them because of that. Apparently it’s only if you’re “particularly sensitive” to poison ivy, which I don’t really know if I am. But I guess now I know I probably ought to avoid it even more than I did before.

166

Grrrr…Saturday was my cousin’s wedding, and I didn’t realize the batteries on my camera were low, so I didn’t get as many shots as I would have liked. (Fortunately, my cousins got a whole bunch, and I did get a few in there.)

But if THAT wasn’t bad enough, the root beer must have been Barq’s or some other that has caffeine (that’s all I can think of), because right at the cake cutting, I had a nasty seizure while I was trying to take a picture and fell over. (Fortunately my cousin Tina’s husband caught me). So my folks had to take me outside so I could get some air, and I missed the toast. Dammit!!! (However, the rest was a blast!)

167

Dear Roommate:

I realize that your laundry is very, very important to you. So important, in fact, that you don’t want me to help you with it… not even to transfer it from the washer to the dryer, or hang your shirts once the dryer is finished. And that’s fine. Really. But for the love of all that’s good and holy, if your laundry is that freakin’ important to you, please don’t leave the same loads in the washer and dryer for four. straight. days. You’re not the only one around here whose dainties get dirty!

I know you’re going to get your britches in a bundle over the way I bundled up your britches, but yes, I finished your laundry for you. I hung your shirts and pants and folded your towels and hung your clean bra on the rail to dry and put your clean sneakers out on the back porch to dry. (And? Your laundry is so flippin’ delicate that you sigh and moan if I touch it, but you’ll wash sneakers and a bra in the same batch? :confused:)

But guess what? After two weeks of not being able to access the machines to wash and dry my stuff, I don’t really care. You’ll be passive-aggressively mad, because I didn’t do your stuff “right.” I don’t care. By the time you get home from work, my stuff will be in and out of the washer and dryer, hung, folded, put away, etc. And you can re-wash your stuff if you’re really that OCD about the way I do laundry wrong.

Sincerely,

Your Roommate, who is currently wearing her bathrobe, 'cause she’s out of clean clothes!

PS - While we’re at it, quit swiping my coffee cup and putting in the dishwasher before the coffeepot is even empty. You know perfectly well that I’ll use the same cup pretty much all day. I think you just do it so that you can sigh and act like a martyr about all the housework you do. If you have that much extra time and energy for housework, just finish your laundry!

168

We switched my mom’s Medicare Part D policy. I was told that it was possible for the premium to be auto-deducted from my folks’ checking account and that their initial welcome packets should have the form in it to set this up.

It didn’t.

I called the company and explained that I was calling on behalf of my mother who has Alzheimers. Can they send the form to me, please, because if it goes to my folks’ house there’s a good chance it will disappear.

Nope. Can’t do that. Has to go to the policy holder’s address.

Ok, is it possible to fax it to me?

No.

Email it to me?

No.

Now, mind you, this is just the standard form. I assume it contains no specific information on my mother or her policy.

So, they say they’ll mail it. It never shows up. I call again. “Look, it got lost or never showed up. Certainly there must be some way to put it in my hands or my sister’s hands - she has power of attorney.”

Nope. Absolutetly positively no possible way to get this form out but send it to mom’s house.

GodDAMN it.

So, they say they’ll send it again.

Never shows up.

Now, I’ve been the Keeper of the Payment Coupon Book, and once a month I go get a check from mom for her premium.

Until I lost the coupon book.

GodDAMN it.

So, today I’m searching on their website for a customer service number to call to find out how and where to send her payment since I lost her coupon book.

And lo and fucking BEHOLD but what is right there on their goddamn website where any old flunky can download it?

The authorization form for ach debit.

Motherfuckers.

169

You’re nice. My roommates get their laundry dumped unceremoniously on top of the dryer.

170

I’ll second SpazCat to the extent that finishing the laundry for your roomie is “nice”. But if she gets all upset at finding out that you’ve finished the job for her, why don’t you just take them out of the machine, use it for your own laundry, and put hers back?

Seriously, she doesn’t need to know.

171

Need to know hell – I say just dump it in the middle of her floor.

172

Easy for you to say. Lacunae Matata has to live with this person.

:stuck_out_tongue:

173

This.

And yes, the roommate did act all put-upon because I touched her precious laundry. Plus, she had the gall to tell me, as I was on the way out of the house to meet friends last night, “I need you to get all your stuff out of the washer and dryer before you leave. I’ve gotta finish my laundry.” :smiley:

So when I got home, I found that she had put one of her jackets back in to re-wash. Along with the dog blankets. Apparently, it’s okay to have dog hair all over her jacket, but I have cooties or something? :dubious:

niblet_head, I feel your pain. I was at Grandmother’s last week, and she asked me to please make a telephone call for her regarding something with her Medicare. She had previously tried to make this call, but couldn’t hear or understand the voice menu (“Press 1 for this, press 2 for that, press pi to the 19th digit and stand on your head while humming the Star Spangled Banner if you’d like to talk to someone with an impenetrable accent in Bangalore.”) I negotiated the menu, and, after about 45 minutes, was speaking to a real live person in Bangalore. It was the wrong person. Finally, I went home, spent about 2 minutes on line, and found the document we needed. I had to fax it to my aunt, who walked it next door to Grandmother, but at least she didn’t have to get back into the phone queue.

174

Hot Flashes

175

My mom called me tonight. She and my dad now have the horrible sinus infection cough thing that I have had for so long.

Man, my mom sounded awful. I feel terrible about this. They should have never let me come home for the Memorial Day weekend. My sister and her husband caught it from me over Easter. I saw them this past weekend and they were both still coughing.

Whatever this is, it is really persistent.

Me, I am FINALLY starting to feel better. I can actually get like 5 hours of sleep a night as opposed to two or three before. Alcohol definitely helps quell the cough! I did get some codeine cough syrup from my doctor last week, and that worked great of course, but it’s all gone and I don’t want any more.

So it’s whiskey and coffee for me. Seriously it does help.

So I guess I am ranting on behalf of my family!

176

Even more fun? Simultaneous hot flashes and PMS. Perimenopause is God’s way of proving that he hates me!

Edited bekawze I kant’ speell.

177

The Australian Govt in its round of stimulus packages has managed to pay $14 million to dead people and tourists through sheer sloppiness. The opposition takes them to task for it and the Prime Minister claims they aren’t "respecting the dead’. Bugger me (not an invite)- next they will be telling us they intended to pay them.

178

They could’ve paid me the $14mil, I am not even in the right demographic to receive any of the stimulus packages given out so far.

179

Damn you, eenerms I’m jealous.

When is it going to be my turn, gotdammit? Wheeeeeeeen?

180

People who throw cigarette butts out of car windows should be clubbed like baby seals.