If you didn’t want to get to be friends with his friends, would you still be putting up with him?
If you do manage to become friends with his friends, will you stay friends with him?
People like this don’t deserve friends.
Way past time to dump this guy.
Walk slowly away at first and the run like the dickens.
Does he verbally abuse his other fabulous friends too or just you?
Are you sure you’re not gay? Because you sound like a battered housewife that keeps apologizing for her husband.
This is not how typical relationships work between two straight men. At least, that has not been my experience.
I’m positive I’m not gay.
I’m hardly the equivalent of a “battered housewife”. I see what you’re saying Shakes. He knows the deal. I doubt he’ll continue.
And dada2fish, I do know a few people now who are sick of him talking down to them. It’s gotten to a point where he admits to having a problem… I don’t think I’m the only person who has gotten pissed at him recently. In his mind, I think he feels as though he’s just jerking around.
I have an older brother, and I generally know what’s meant to actually hurt someone, and what’s meant to be a two guys f*cking with each other. My friend was bordering on saying things that were not acceptable… but he had to be told that it was not cool.
He plays music in his spare time and has a lot of friends who are at the heart of the local music scene.
These are good people. I can’t think of a bad thing to say about his friends. They are really cool people.
I hope, for his sake, that he learns from this, because he has some great friends, including me. So, let’s hope for the best.
So he devalues your online sources and acquaintances without giving them a fair try. He tries to shut down any support you receive through mocking rather than addressing the argument. Does he also do this with real life friends? What about you, behind your back. Do you have any source of feedback on what he says about you?
This is dangerous, narcissistic and devaluing. It is only one step up from that harridan who talked her boyfriend into committing suicide. This guy is NOT a friend.
This seems passive aggressive on your part. Tell him, flat out, and then stick by it. (It sounds as though you may have done that already, but were you crystal clear and direct?) Don’t let him “fix” this and then just find a new way to keep you on edge. The next one is the last one. “OK, that’s it, this is the same shit, just a new angle on it. Go to hell.”
Some people really enjoy making others uncomfortable. They get a power jizz out of it. He sounds abusive.
ROFL! In any other context I would have chalked this up to autocorrect and moved on. But in this case, dude, if you fall asleep around him, watch out for cigars! :eek:
I have quite a few friends with whom I disagree mightily about all sorts of subjects. We are still friends, because we are intelligent and respectful people who assume a high level of thought and reasoning behind each other’s opinions. If they did not disagree respectfully, I wouldn’t keep them.
They also argue with facts, not fantastical tripe. The above is pure fundamentalist fap-fodder.
Saying you are not the only one who’s sick of him suggests a need for allies. I don’t need allies in an argument with my friends. They will even help me develop my argument and concede points even when they disagree with my conclusions. Because we respect each other’s thoughts and process.
I suspect that this guy is an habitual verbal abuser. You seem to be isolated from other friends by the amount of time you spend with him. Ask yourself why you have not become friends with his other group before now? Why you feel obligated to go to them through him? You have ceded a surprising amount of power to this guy. It’s icky.
You both apologize for him and at the same time devalue yourself in an attempt to make us forgive him. You assure us that you are strong enough to handle him.
Honey, I used to say the same things. I was two years away from the guy before I even began to tote up the damage.
Get out while you can.
I guess I got the wrong impression then.
I’ll be blunt.
This is not the first conversation you’ve had with him regarding respecting your boundaries, according to what you’ve described.
Why do you think it’ll stick this time, especially since you’ve been making it abundantly clear that there will be absolutely no consequences to him for treating you like shit? He crosses your boundaries, you talk, you remain friends. He crosses your boundaries, you talk, you remain friends. He has no incentive to change. He knows you’ll let him get away with it.
Also, again: you don’t need him to make friends with other people. You can do that all on your own.
Maybe he just watches Big Bang Theory and assumes viciously and relentlessly attacking your friends is funny?
Why would you be “friends” with him in the first place?
Agree 100%. This is not a relationship between 2 straight people of the same sex.
He likes feeling dominated by a man.
I have a client who fits this description. He is an extraordinarily lonely man and I go have a friendly lunch with him two or three times a year. He is a pain in the ass and a racist. But he is a human being who only wants some conversation a couple times a year. If he gets out of line, I ask him to stop it. He does after a few times of repeating it. God doesn’t call on us to only be kind to easy people who agree with us and are sane. We’ve got to learn to get along, and that requires practice.
The guy in the OP has friends. Doesn’t fit your lonely client description at all.
I think I get the point. Just to put this in perspective, I can only think of one time where he said something like that to me, (calling me an idiot, or moron). Now, he calls himself those things a lot. I don’t think he means it, he talks in ‘extremes’ all the time. If I say that I don’t care for a song from a band, he would might later say; “I thought you hated this band?”. I would say; “No. I didn’t say I *hated *anything”.
He’s a weird dude, and he knows it. He’s mostly saying good shit about me. The only reason why I said that people here are only getting one side of the story is because I just have a difficult time painting a picture of him. He’s just… Weird.
I’ve only talked to him once after I got pissed at him. I am considering not chilling with him as much, then maybe think about ending it if I’m happier.
You don’t have to end the friendship - you can just slide it sideways a bit. Limit the time you spend with this guy and expand your circle of friends a little.
So we aren’t a bunch of liberal know-it-alls with our heads up our asses?
I don’t think this is an appropriate comparison. The OP is not obligated to spend time and energy being kind to people who verbally abuse him.
It is clear from your post that this client does not have the power to upset you. The OP’s “friendship” is “exhausting” at best. Not every sad, dysfunctional or lonely person who crosses our path is an assignment from God. We can choose good works which are positive and don’t weigh us down.
Certainly though, the relationship you have to your client’s misbehavior is an excellent example of the healthy response.