Well, we’ve had ‘bad lines from great films’ and ‘great lines from bad films’. This thread is for lines from films that were, in all probability, not seen by anyone else on this board. The films can be good or bad, just as long as they’re really, really obscure. Here’s mine:
From Bang. (No, the other Bang. The 1996 one.):
“So was it as good for you as it was for me THAT time?” - Tim Matheson in Up The Creek
I swear I am the only person to have ever seen this Animal House/Porky’s ripoff.
“If Jesus has super powers, he could make a robot with a soul.” – Screen Door Jesus
"They found the little girl.
“What little girl? . . . . oh.” – The Well
“How many syllables, Mario? How many syllables?” – Putney Swope
And, of course:
“Anyone can say he’s a writer. But when someone else says you’re a writer, then you’re a writer.” – Hearts of the West
The Psychic Parrot features… well, a psychic parrot… who predicts the End Of The World.
“I’m the P.I.”
“Oh, the private investigator?”
“Uh. . no, the pacific islander.”
–Tongan Ninja
You’re making that up right?
Oh, I’ve got to see that one! (Just looked it up on IMDb.)
I have seen it, twice even.
From Nudist Colony of the Dead
*“How can the children praise the Lord when they have genitals in their mouths?”
We’re Christians! We’re not supposed to think!"
“…there’s a colored man knocking at the back door.”
The latter being a euphemism for defecation. Hadn’t heard that one before and racist connotation aside, it had me in stitches. :o
From The First Nudie Musical:
“The stunt cock is here.”
All things end badly, or else they wouldn’t end.
Honest I never saw the movie. I didn’t know that Tom Cruise, Elisabeth Shue and Bryan Brown ever made a movie together.
“Danger of Mountain Climbing #1: Being drowned”
“Danger of Mountain Climbing #2: Overstimulation”
“Danger of Mountain Climbing #3: Possibility of slipping on a banana peel”
“This way, that way, the other way, and back! It’s driving him mad!”
“Behind rock, funny man”
“There’s that man again; he worries me”
From Dr Schlitz on Mount Washington, the 1935 classic. All these lines are spoken by Lowell Thomas, so you know they’re good. The movie is pretty much only seen by Dartmouth students during the Freshman Trips program at this point.
“I used to have a dog once. I loved that little puppy. But I strangled him because he took a shit on my grandmother’s oriental rug!” – Some really bad slasher movie
“What would you do if your boyfriend was having sex with another woman?” “Um… Play with her tits?” – Employee off the Month
“How many tits does yore wife have, Mr. Sheriff? Mahn has 12!”
From Futz! , about a hillbilly unjustly persecuted for marrying his sow.
“Watch and weep, you furry fuckers!”
Basically, all I remember about From Unknown Origin, other than it involved rats and Peter Weller.
I should add, the best thing about the Tongan Ninja DVD is the “making of” interviews-- it’s a riot.
And the theme song.
From Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter: “If im not back in 5 minutes… call the pope”
That went straight onto the netflix queue. (Now whether or not we ever actually watch it is a different story.)
From “The Stuntman”
“I had a virgin once. Had to go to Guatamala for it. She was blind in one eye and had a stuffed alligator that said ‘Welcome to Miami Beach.’”
It had a really catchy tune in it too, but I can’t remember how it goes right now. (I have a copy on VHS.)