Memorial Threads/Bereaved Parents - sharing issue

A beloved board member died recently, and suddenly. The memorial thread in his honor was quite touching until just after someone suggested that it might be nice to share the thread with his parents. Now, there appears to be a debate brewing over whether this is a good idea, which compels me to speak out.

This is a marvelous idea. If I knew the parents myself, I would be certain they see that thread. Those of you saying otherwise in the ‘RIP Autolycus’ thread: Kindly, Shut the Fuck Up, especially if you have never buried a child. Not only are you ruining something wonderful with your sidetracks but, you likely don’t have a clue what it feels like to outlive your children. Any, and I do mean ANY, speck of connection to them is a god-send that can only be cherished – even if you have no faith in God.

I get that some folks simply must create controversy, as sure as they breathe – I don’t understand why they would shit in a memorial thread to do it…

Hmm. You may be right, and I don’t know what it’s like to lose a child, but there were references to the ladle incident in that thread. I’m not sure I want to hear that about my child after his death, or that he shared it on a message board.

But your ire seems to be misplaced. I mean, really, “SHUT THE FUCK UP”? Isn’t that a bit angry?

However I will leave it to the parents who have lost children. truly heartbreaking.

I read the thread, and I saw a discussion there that almost became a hijack, but I wouldn’t call it thread shitting. People seemed to be genuinely conflicted and frankly I can see why.

Why do you assume all parents grieve in the same way? I mean, your suffering may have been experienced very differently from Auto’s parents. I don’t think you can speak for them. You can guess, but you never know.

I also really hate the ‘‘you must experience X to have an opinion about X’’ line of thinking. Experience can give you insight, but I know plenty of people who have learned nothing from their experiences. Your loss, however devastating, doesn’t negate the viewpoint of others.

That said, I am deeply sorry for your loss. I imagine you’re probably feeling raw about it right now and that’s what prompted you to start this thread. Take care of yourself.

I have lost a child and I don’t think it would be appropriate to share it with them. It would be quite different if it were a much older person who lived a full life but not for someone so young that died unexpectedly. People don’t usually want extra information and distractions during times like these. They won’t even know what to make of it if they aren’t familiar with message boards. They will be in shock for quite some time and nothing of that nature will help, only time will.