Can heterosexual men and women ever really overcome issues of attraction, ideological differences and equality when forming ‘friendships’? Does/will it perhaps become ‘easier’ as you mature?
Just wondering…I can understand the attraction issue, and to some extent the equality one.
But what “ideological differences” has to do with man/woman relationship 
Yes, and it can be a truly enlightening experience. I found that it’s an easier process if one or both of them are married, but that’s not absolutely necessary.
I am a straight man and I’ve had many platonic friendships with women over the years. I’m married now but this was true when I wasn’t married too. It really is a maturity issue.
Haj
Sure you can do it. It’s easier if you discuss it first. After a bit, the relationship enters the friendship zone, from which there is little way out.
I went to the wedding of one of my very best friends the other day, his ‘best man’ was actually female, sinply because she is one of his closest friends (also a colleague) but they don’t fancy each other sexually at all, gender is simply irrelevant.
In many cases though (thnking out loud here), I think often the man would, but he knows the woman wouldn’t, so the friendship remains platonic and the man accepts that.
Yes, most definately. I am a woman and my two oldest friends are both men. We all met during Junior year in college (they are friends as well). Nothing sexual has ever happened between us. I briefly considered being “more than friends” with one, but I decided not to try and pursue anything because I thought it would probably end badly and possibly ruin the friendship. They are now both married, and I am friends with their spouses as well.
Moving to IMHO. - Jill
Of course. What do you think, people only have friends of the same sex? Or opposite sex, if they are gay? And gay people can have friends of the same sex.
Confusing friendship with sexual attraction is a big mistake.
My dear friend Dan is a prime example of a platonic straight-male/straight-female friendship. He was one of the first people I met when I first went to college. He dated my roommate for awhile, but for me to date him would feel like incest. He’s too much like a brother to me.
And another, of course they can. It’s always mildly bothered me that people can ever even wonder about this kind of thing.
I see a question with three parts.
Attraction - I’d have been highly suspect that such could be overcome if you had asked me this years ago. Now I have platonic male friends and it’s no big deal.
Ideological differences - It depends on how much you care about politics. If one’s as liberal as Jesse Jackson and the other’s as conservative as Jesse Helms (sorry for the U.S.-centric example, but I’m not overly familiar with politicians in many other countries.) there might be problems. (Although I stress that this probably has little to do with gender.) If two parties are willing to “agree to disagree” though, shouldn’t be much of a problem. I do confess, though, that I’ve had friendships where varying ideologies has been a major point of strain.
Equality - That might need some clarification. How are male/female friendships unequal? I suppose one could argue that since women have historically been oppressed that there is some inequality in male/female friendships, but I even then don’t see how that relates on the level of an individual man and an individual woman.
This is an interesting question. Based on personal experience…Most of my best male friendships went through a period of flirtation, where we danced around or even pursued a romantic angle and then went back to friendship. But there have been two exceptions. I lived with both of them as roommates. Maybe that allows for a different sort of intimacy. I dunno.
Gosh I hope so, or I’m going to have to starting ditching my friends who are men. I’d like to think they would be surprised as well.
I’d be lying if I said that there was zero attraction at the beginning of the friendship for some of them, but that’s certainly not true of all my friendships with men.
I wish I could say there was absolutely no difference between my relationships with my female friends and my male friends, but that’s not really true. For example, Mr. Del is out of town this week, and I called two of my girlfriends (on two different nights) to get together for dinner. I didn’t consciously think that it would be improper or unseemly to go out to dinner with a male friend sans spouses, but I wonder if that’s down in my subconscious somewhere, because it just didn’t occur to me to call any of them.
Hmmm, but reading that over, it’s not really true either. There are some things I do with my guy friends, but it’s more planned, I guess. Like going to see a basketball team we both really like, but our respective partners don’t like. I’ve also noticed that among my friends, we tend to do things as couples more. The last time I had a party, one male friend called to say that he and his wife couldn’t make it, because she had to work late. I was a little puzzled as to why that meant he couldn’t come. Of course, that’s just one example, so that could be a polite way of saying he just didn’t feel like going to a party, but I feel like I’ve noticed that happening more and more in my peer group (and I throw fabulous parties, so I don’t think it’s that! 
)
Why would you want to overcome issues of attraction? I would argue (if I were an arguementative person) that you’d want to find all your friends (gender irrelevant) attractive. I’m not talking about appearance so much as… Well why would you hang out with someone you are not attracted to? I find myself avoiding people who for whatever reason (usually behavioral ones) I find unattractive. * Upon preview it’s occured to me you might mean sexual tension rather than attraction. If that’s the case I still think that you can maintain a friendship with sexual tension. Obviously it adds a dimension to that friendship that you might not have in other friendships. I believe it can be done and maintained if you’re friendship is solid enough to say, “Hey this is a fun aspect of our friendship that we both enjoy even though circumstances are such that nothing will come of it.”*
I have a dear frienship that has HUGE ideological differences and I think it remains a successful friendship. We don’t avoid discussing our differences, but we do approach them respectfully.
I’m not sure what you’re looking for with regards to equality. I feel an important aspect of all relationships (gender irrelevant) is complimentary and or compatible strengths and weaknesses. A relationship is enriched and both parties emotionally nourished and intimacy increases when strengths/power/equality(???) are shared.
My mature friendships are far more emotionally satisfying, intellectually challenging and downright fun, than they were when I was young.
Um… what do you mean by “overcome”? I’m friends with a number of men and I’d have to say there is some attraction/sexual tension between us. This can manifest as flirting, or jokes, but doesn’t progress further due to mutual choices and consideration for the other party. It depends on open communication - letting the other person know when things are going a little too far for comfort (and the man could be the more uncomfortable, depending on the situation). I have guy friends I can flirt and joke with, but one of them finds that very uncomfortable so we don’t do that. This becomes easier with maturity. Not, as some would suppose, due to lessening of desire (if anything, my libido has increased over time) but because as you mature you get a better grip on your own behavior and a better grasp of potentially bad consequences for stepping over a certain limit.
I’d say I’m fortunate to not have a jealous husband, except that I wouldn’t have married a jealous man (or stayed married to one who developed it later) so it’s no accident. I’m very honest and open about going somewhere with a male friend and make sure my husband gets to meet them so there’s no “sneaking around” feeling. The worst problem is other people starting rumors about sexual dalliances.
My husband has female friends, just as I have male friends. Same thing - I get to meet them, he lets me know where and when he’s going.
And I had a friendship with a lesbian for a number of years where there was some of that same tension on her side. I have no attraction to women so I didn’t feel it, but I was aware of her tension. I also have a gay friend who isn’t sexually attracted to me but I find him hot. So this tension can be one-sided, but needn’t prevent a true friendship.
Yes, definately. Two of my closest confidants are men; one a former supervisor (father-figure type thing, but still very close), Steve, and the other just an excellent friend, Johnny. He and I joke that we are the male or female version of one another 'cause we’re so alike.
Both are married, as am I. There was never any sexual issues or tension.
My husband even suggested I call Johnny when I was all riled up about a couple decisions last year. He knew Johnny would give me an unbiased and honest opinion.
The real test is if they aren’t now or were, coworkers, neighbors, classmates, etc. Cause it’s kinda easier to be friends with them if they are.
If they have sex, they should still be friends. Its a fun test.
I’ve had manny male friends. Its nice to see another perspective.
I wouldn’t call someone I’d had sex with a friend though.
I can’t see it that casually.