Preface: I’m undoubtedly an insensitive male lout, incapable of understanding women.
That admitted… Mrs. Bricker is now eight months pregnant. When we started this journey, way back in January, I knew that at about this time she’d be eight months pregnant. And, I might add, look eight months pregnant.
Well, she does. I think she looks great. She, however, seems to think she looks like a boat, that none of her maternity clothes fit, and that she’s not fit to walk among decent people.
I have explained to her that she’s pregnant, and that she looks great, and that we have a baby boy waiting to join us in only 28 days. She’s still disconsolate.
I don’t know what else to do or say to convince her that she’s wonderful.
I don’t know what to tell you, but congrats on the new baby boy. She’ll feel better in about 28 days, and probably forget about how she looked. For now, maybe just go shop for baby stuff? Then you will be at stores where everyone else is pregnant too.
I’m not sure that you CAN change her perception of herself by just vocalizing it. What I would suggest (if you’re not already doing so)…is to support her in ways that will ease her physical discomfort. For mrs beagledave, that meant foot rubs and massages.
The y-chromosome wants to “fix” things…directly. This is probably not one of those things to “fix”, but rather to support.
Are there any women in your family or circle of friends who are pregnant or recently pregant? Perhaps connecting your wife with those women might help as well. As much as I wanted to…there was no way in hell I could truly empathize with my wife when she was 8-9 months pregnant.
Lastly, as corny as it sounds…this too shall pass. Pregnancy and childbirth really screw with your perception of time…
I think this is one of those “show, don’t tell” situations. This is a delicate thing, of course–you want to be all over her, so she will know you are still attracted to her, and you don’t want to annoy her by being all over her. It’s up to you to find the middle ground.
Having been through it a couple times with Mrs. Pesch, trust beagledave on this one. Especially with the foot massages (with oil, BTW.) She’ll love it.
In about a month or so, she’ll be too exhausted to worry about self-image issues.
Whatever you do, don’t do what my husband did. I was about 7 months pregnant with twins. I was very, very, extremely, impossibly almost non-humanly large.
Well, I’m just laying down in the bathtub (this was not done easily or gracefully) when Houseman comes running into the bathroom sure I’d just killed myself and his two unborn children. Upon finding me unharmed he stood for many minutes gazing down on the vision of Earth, Motherhood and the Miracle of Life before him and said:
At this point, in the last trimester, there is very little we husbands can do because of the walking, super-estrogenized time-bombs that our wives have morphed into.
By now, these women are not from Venus anymore. I would instead think of the rampaging killer asteroid from the movie Armageddon. Yes…that’s more of a closer analogy.
Telling her that she looks great at this point is a lose-lose proposition. All your sincerity will probably be met with crying, wailing, sobbing, etc. Also, it goes without saying, never agree with her that she is big. This amateur and foolish mistake is almost always fatal.
You’re on the home stretch now anyway, so just nod your head agreeably no matter what she says and obey every extra-terrestrial order that comes from her mouth. Since you impregnated her, at this time, she may blame you for many things like the shrinking Federal budget surplus and those mysterious crop circles. This is expected, so just agree to this too. Everything will be great when all the excess estrogen drains out and she will morph back into your beloved wife again.
Good thing is that she should deliver before the football season get real heavy. If you’re a baseball fan, you might have to put the LCS or World Series on the back burner. I was fortunate that both my kids were born outside of any major sports championship series or playoffs.
Those little color TV Watchmans are a pretty good deal and less obtrusive than cheering your favorite team on the TV in the delivery room or waiting area. Anyway, I digress…
One small tip before I close. Flowers still help at this time. Just smile, give her the flowers, and try to say as little as possible. Good luck on the new kid.
Actually, she probably won’t. She’ll still have 20 pounds (or so) to loose. She will be the the WORST hormonal shape of her life (think PMS is bad, that’s nothing compared to a women coming off a pregnancy), she’ll be exhausted, she’ll be sore. And, if she’s lucky, she’ll fit into her old clothes in about two months.
My daughter is two, and I will always carry stretch marks, my breasts will never return to their former position on my chest, and all the kegals in the world won’t…well TMI.
But, Bricker, foot massages, thumbs up. Same with the lower back, although she’ll have to straddle a chair. Anticipate needs (I was always thirsty, and it was a big deal to get up for a glass of water). Buy her some stuff for the bathtub (bath salts, oils, bubbles, whatever she likes), for after the baby is born, to remind her there is an end to this. And, perhaps most importantly, keep this up until all your children leave the house for college.
Don’t make her go out in public if she doen’t want or need to. Offer to rent videos, run to the bookstore or the library, whatever to keep her busy for the next two to six weeks. Oh, and get rid of the 28 day stuff (unless that’s the date they are inducing), even the thought she will deliver on her due date is a guarentee of going two weeks over. Answer the phone for her, so she doen’t have to answer all those “isn’t that baby her yet” phone calls.
I know a guy who told his wife that she was ‘blossoming’. ANother guy said ‘that extra weight on you looks nice’ Dunno if these work on all women but let me know.
I sometimes wonder if I was the only woman in the world who didn’t go thru the “I’m FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT” syndrome. I was pregnant. I had a huge belly. I was Pregnant - I was supposed to have a huge belly! However, being helped and waited upon was a nice treat. And foot rubs are always a good idea. Always!!
That’s actually the way mrs beagledave was…she knew her body was growing…and had a bit of a sense of humor about it . She was still doing her exercise walking like she normally did.
The discomfort and grape size bladder were more of an issue than the belly change.
Foot rubs were much appreciated though. She treated herself to a few pedicures at the salon as well which seemed to brighten up the day as well.
Well… if the old Soviet State was still in existence I would suggest a “Mother Hero” medal and commendation to console her blues away (granted this was normally not given out until the 10th child but I’m sure you a clever fellow like you would “worked something out” for your wife-comrade. In that this is no longer an option unless you move to Cuba nice opal necklace (or whatever her gem of choice is) in a simple setting might be apropos.
It won’t really make her feel better about herself and the way she looks but it will make her feel that you understand and care (beyond you telling her so) which will help things overall.
Bricker, those are words to live by. Learn it, know it, live it.
Having been through this three times myself, I know how she feels. We want to believe you when you tell us we’re beautiful & stuff. Really. We know we’re not fat, we’re just pregnant. We know that it’ll be over soon, and we do appreciate your gestures of love and kindness.
But for all we actually know, the hormones won’t let us believe.
That’s when Jabba-the-Hut syndrome kicks in. We just curl up on the couch, demanding food & entertainment, and you’ll face our wrath if it’s not delivered promptly and properly. Don’t even think about trying any of your useless Jedi Mind Tricks. They’ll fail, and we’ll sautee your cerebellum with garlic & onions, after we polish off the last 8 Twinkies.
You know, after reading Persephone’s comments, the only thing I can think of to say is that sometimes the miracle of childbirth is that it happens more than once in the same family. Anyone threatens to serve my grey matter with onions and garlic, I’m not going NEAR them without full body armor!! :eek:
